Why EQ Is More Important Than IQ?

Living the drive through life

In this immediate payoff world, it has become appropriate and normalized to wear your disorder on your sleeve. I became aware of the practice of “woundology” when reading The Anatomy of the Spirit written by mystic, Caroline Myss. A common phenomenon nowadays, where within minutes of meeting a new person all the traumas and dysfunction, with their relevant boxes ticked, are shared to the last intimate detail.

It remains a mystery to me that the patterning of this century has been diminished by assigning labels to all behaviours whether they are perceived in a positive or negative way by us and those we interact with and forge connections with.

I recall as a young adult in the mid nineteen-eighties my mother’s reticence to send me to a therapist post my father’s death and my difficulty in functioning thereafter. My mom was born in the 1940’s and came from a generation that simply had to get on with it. I understood at the time that while she could not understand that talk therapy had any positive connotations, she would support me in my attempts to rise from the ash of my father’s death even though acknowledgement of feelings and emotions and the sharing of those with others was completely alien to her.

How the tides have shifted.

While there is never more succinct evidence that Big Pharma is a trillion-dollar enterprise it has become commonplace to brandish diagnoses such as bi-polar, an array of anxiety disorders or ADHA or whichever affliction we can identify with as proudly as we would a family crest. (This is no way detracts from the fact that these diagnoses do exist and form part of millions of people’s daily lives and struggles.)

The inclination seems to have emerged that if we can name it, medicate it, and shroud ourselves in identifying with it, we have a license to use it as an excuse for behaviour(s) that surely must be beyond our control?

This is where I differ from mainstream opinion as I have observed repeatedly people blaming their “condition” for their way of being, rather than holding themselves accountable for the way they interact with the world and respond to the challenges of what life is.

Where does Emotional Coding fit in?

Dysfunction of family patterning, early childhood and early adulthood visits and revisits itself upon the generations to come, imprisoning the generations past, laying the foundations of the way each of us meets the world head on. Each of us can reimagine our identities and make the necessary adjustments in ourselves so that we can, in a very real and meaningful way, positively impact the generations to come. I am reminded of Ghandhi’s words, ‘Be the change you want to see in the world.”

The freedom that comes with holding oneself accountable for all things as they are made manifest in our lives is a get-out-of-jail-free card. Here we shed the victim’s mentality and engage in how we wish to be here and now.

This is the essence of emotional coding. I do not by any far stretch of the imagination suggest that reactions and feelings have no small part to play in our human experience. However, the onus remains on holding oneself accountable and doing the inner work or introspection enabling us to recognize one’s own responses and choosing as a life practice, more initiative-taking ways to be in life itself.

Let us look at the fundamental principle of Emotional Coding. Reaction versus Response. While we do not negate the validity of the emotional reaction by any means, we are able to retreat, experience the fall out; and identify the triggers that debilitate our relationships. Taking time to understand that which motivates and triggers us empowers everyone to put into practice more healthy ways of interacting with those we cherish and love. By the same measure there is a marked improvement in all exchanges – from the check-out counter at one’s local grocery store or the homeless person at the traffic light, one becomes focused on creating positive connections while remaining committed to self-regulation and self-mastery.

Understanding that which evokes a reaction from oneself and why one is triggered can be a painful process. THIS IS THE TRUE WORK. The willingness to be deeply present with one’s painful human experiences is not for the faint of heart. For most people, it is easier to blame circumstances and experiences than to excavate the impact of foundational dysfunction on our daily lives and relationships. It is sad to realize that we often hold others hostage to the baggage we have brought into the current significant relationships.

In the pursuit of growth and self-mastery, no small detail is swept under the rug, and we are charged with fully reflecting, processing, feeling, and understanding that which causes the domino knee-jerk emotional reactions. This enables us to rise anew and embody original ways of being not only for our benefit but the benefit of our loved ones. More Importantly, the true benefit will become evident in our children and their children and so forth.

So much emphasis is placed on the material world, financial success and who is number one, yet we continue to see people rendered paralyzed and petrified continuing in patterns and cycles that incapacitate them. No matter how bright and accomplished one is by the world’s standards, there is no guarantee of living a life of joy, being kind and truly engaging with life on our own terms. Brilliance is not an assurance we will live meaningful and fully liberated lives.

Self-mastery and the efforts, on a continuous basis, render results that can change the world – for you and those your life touches.