Why Being Too Eager for Happiness Can Backfire

We're drowning in a sea of too much "just be positive."

They say, "Don't worry, be happy!"

"Smile! Others have it worse than you."

They even say, "A happy wife means a happy life."

But you know what? It's tiring. We feel like we have to keep up this constant happy face.

They tell us, "Don't be a downer. Keep that smile on!"

But here's the thing: trying too hard to be happy doesn't actually work. Think about it: when you try really hard to be cool, it often backfires.Well, the same goes for happiness. Pretending to be super happy all the time doesn't help you grow or change. Real happiness comes from living a life that fits you and discovering who you are. It's not something you can force.

1. Happiness isn't about faking positivity.

Even though we talk more openly about mental health today, some of us still feel embarrassed to admit when we're struggling. We might put on a brave face and smile, even though inside, we're feeling really sad and just need a comforting hug.

Nowadays, there's this thing called toxic positivity that's being talked about more and more. It's the idea that no matter what's happening, you should always act like everything is fine and be super happy. But guess what? Bottling up all your feelings – the sadness, the anger, the frustration – it's like shaking a soda can. Sooner or later, it's gonna explode.

Pushing away feelings of grief, resentment, or any other complicated emotions isn't the right way to handle things. Instead, it's better to understand that life won't always go smoothly, and sometimes, you won't be in a good mood. Actually, you might feel pretty down sometimes. But remember what the old saying goes, 'Pain is something we can't avoid, but suffering is a choice.'

The important thing is to learn how to deal with these feelings. When you're overwhelmed by an emotion, you can do three things:

Step back and figure out what you're feeling.

Think about what caused this feeling.

Decide if you want to do something about it or not.

By following these steps, you can break free from the idea that you always have to hide your sadness behind a smile or keep your frustration to yourself. It's okay not to be happy all the time.

Instead of trying to force yourself to be happy, realize that negative thoughts come and go, and they don't define who you are. Being human means feeling a whole bunch of different things – like nostalgia, heartbreak, desire, and more. A lot of these feelings don't start or end with happiness. If you always try to be happy, you might miss out on the richness of life's experiences.

2) Happiness isn’t trying to accept what’s not good enough

When our expectations aren’t met, some part of us caters to that by doing damage control.

Okay. I might not be happy with my current job. The hours suck and the work is boring. But maybe I can force myself to be content.

Or, I don’t really love my current partner or see a future with them. But I’m past the age where being single is socially acceptable and my parents want me to be married, so I sure can pretend to be happy.

I’m hopefully not the first to tell you that fairytale, riding-off-into-the-sunset romance doesn’t exist. If you choose to engage in long-term partnership with someone, there will be many times when happiness is off the cards. Same goes for your professional life. Unless you’re living your ultimate dream and somehow managing to fund a luxury lifestyle through your niche hobby, it’s likely that working for a living isn’t the most joyful experience. You’ll be met with a lot of discontentment throughout life, and many of your expectations will likely not be met.

But the sooner you adjust your outlook on reality, accept that life comes with a little darkness, and aim for what I like to call a more positive-realistic outlook, the better.

This means chasing your dreams where needs be. It means going down the road of being single if that means being happy for you – not for someone else. It also means taking life as it comes and not forcing this fake-fairytale image of what your life needs to be like upon yourself. Because in doing that, you’re only setting yourself up for failure when reality comes knocking at the door.

Discovering Happiness: Uncover Your True Self

Okay, so we've talked about what not to do when it comes to finding happiness. Now, let's dive into what you should actually do.

You know that saying, "Happiness comes from within"? Well, there's some real truth to it. It's about following your own dreams, not the ones others try to impose on you. Imagine pursuing what truly makes you excited, not what your family, culture, or society expects.

Feeling happy is also about surrounding yourself with people who bring out your best self. And, just as important, it's about letting go of toxic relationships that bring you down. Little acts of kindness can make your heart sing and spread joy to those around you.

Maybe happiness is already hiding inside you, like a treasure waiting to be discovered. So, it's time to grab a shovel and start digging. Take a moment to think about your life goals and who you really want to become.

Picture this: How amazing would it feel to launch your dream startup? Or to work a room like a social butterfly, making connections left and right? What about leaving a positive impact on everyone you meet, making them feel a bit brighter?

Being happy means understanding your values and goals, and then taking steps towards them. But remember, it's not just about the destination. The journey itself is a big part of finding happiness. Each small step you take, every milestone you achieve – they all bring a sense of satisfaction.

Having a sense of purpose and knowing who you truly are is what brings true fulfillment. Those little drops of satisfaction add up over time, creating a life filled with contentment and inner peace.

So, here's the secret: stop stressing so much about trying to be happy. Instead, start living your life authentically. You'll be amazed at how much more genuine happiness you'll find along the way.