When the Past Threatens Your Future and Destroys the Present

Memory is an essential part of the human condition. Past experiences provide a frame of reference for the present and future. Hanging on to the past, however, can rob tomorrow of its potential.

When pain filters our recollection of yesterday, those memories have a way of taking over the future. Few people can claim freedom from negative past experiences, embarrassments, or moments that they regret.

Moving forward means putting the past in its place. But how can we do this, you might ask? Because it’s difficult to move forward when the painful memories threaten our expectations of the future?

The key to creating a good life in this moment is leaving the past where it belongs, behind you. A happy future is dependent on letting go of what once was.

The Case for Letting Go

As counter-intuitive as it seems, holding on to the past is a choice. Why would a person choose to keep a collection of negative experiences you might ask? Because living in the past can be a simpler task than doing the work to let it go.

Choosing to remain in the past is usually more of a habit than a conscious decision. Bad memories and pain typically take up a lot of real estate in our minds.

It can be hard to change a landscape that is so familiar to us. Doing the work to live fully requires not only bravery, but also a great deal of patience.

Pain becomes a commonplace and oddly comforting ally. Giving up the painful memories of yesteryear takes bravery, skill, and time. It is a choice, made day in and day out, until the clouds part and a new day begins.

Giving up the Ghosts

Painful memories hang around like a group of unwelcome ghosts. Driving them out makes room for an open and happy future. While it is impossible to change the past, we can allow the future to exist without the shadow of yesterday looming above it.

When the pain of our past is caused by abuse, and the actions of others, living in it gives power to those who least deserve it. Letting go amounts to taking back control of your life.

Even Good Memories Belong in the Past

What if you had hit an emotional, physical, or professional peak, years ago? Holding on to the past, both good and bad, does little more than limit the future. Both the future and you deserve more.

When you tell stories about “The best year ever,” it places a limit on your future. These limits are often as damaging as it would be to judge yourself for past mistakes. That’s why, sometimes, reliving even the good memories can hold you back.

How to Get Past the Past

It starts with a simple decision: to let go. Verbalizing the intention to let the past stay behind you becomes important on days when it’s easier to hold on. When situations like this arise, remind yourself that you the choice has already been made.

Days will surely come when the past rears its ugly head and letting go becomes more difficult than usual. On those days, simply repeating the intention to release the past can serve as the best reminder to leave it behind.

To start this process of letting go, acknowledge the pain that your past has caused. Write it down in a journal. Pen a letter to the person who caused you the pain, even if it is never sent.

Open up to a trusted friend or a counselor and spell it out. Be careful with confrontations. Speaking with a person from the past about pain that they have caused might create new, more vivid distress.

Remember, the act of letting go is a solo one. It is a choice made one person at a time. Placing the responsibility of your own happiness on the actions of another person is not letting go.

The hard truth is that when the past is relived, day in and day out, there is a choice in action. Accepting your part in that is difficult, but it can be life-changing.

Taking responsibility for your part in creating the pain opens the door to a more engaging future.

Make New Memories

It is difficult for pain and negativity to exist in the same space as joy. To move the process along, get out into the world and create a happy memory.

When a choice is made to leave the past out of today, new memories are created to replace older, more painful ones.

Service to others is another key to letting go of the past. Lifting up those who are less fortunate helps us refocus away from the pain of yesterday. Actively giving from the heart creates immediate rewards.

It also has a way of putting you back into the driver’s seat of life, instead of simply reacting to what takes place.

Take the Lessons, Leave out the Rest

Even a painful past holds valuable lessons. It is important to derive what we can learn from the past, without allowing it to overwhelm both our present and future.

When any child touches a hot stove, for example, he learns not to repeat the mistake from then on. However, he also ends up learning that many delicious and wonderful things can come from that same appliance.

In this way, the child discovers how to practice caution without giving up the potential good that can come from what burned him at first.

Forgive and Forget

The final lesson for letting go of the past comes with the act of forgiveness. Forgiving another person does not mean letting them off the hook for what happened.

It is not for the benefit of those in the past who have committed wrongs against us. Instead, forgiveness is for the benefit of he or she who forgives. It is an act of letting go and moving on.