What is the Cost of Being Too Nice in a Relationship?

Being too nice in a relationship can be a trap and people who advise you to be too nice usually have good intentions because it is important to be kind and empathetic towards others. Being nice to others can help you foster harmony but there is a delicate balance between being too nice and overly accommodating.

When you focus on being too agreeable, you risk neglecting your own needs and you will suppress your feelings to the point others will take advantage of you. It is therefore important that you differentiate between nurturing and being too nice. Being nice often involves self-sacrifices and avoiding difficult conversations but being too nurturing helps boost mutual care and honesty. The following are the costs of how being too nice in a relationship can backfire.

Self-sacrifice Can Be a Mirage

While it is noble especially when you prioritize the wellbeing of your partner and their needs as an expression of love, you may end up consistently agreeing to their plans. For instance, you may end up attending social events you would rather skip and put their personal preferences and choices ahead all the time, just to maintain harmony.

A study published in 2012 revealed that emotional suppression will likely accompany sacrifice and will likely lead to aggravated negative feelings while lowering satisfaction in relationships. Over time, the suppression accompanying self-sacrifices will eventually heighten the desire to quit the relationship.

The Tolerance Trap

Many people tolerate hurtful and disrespectful behavior in the name of being nice. This attitude often backfires because when you excuse someone’s behavior and hope that you will avoid conflict by not reacting, or your kindness will inspire them to change, you are probably deceiving yourself.

Ignoring and downplaying negative behaviors will signal to others that there are no consequences for their actions, hence their unhealthy patterns will persist.

Tolerating bad behaviors may not likely lead to a change and over time it erodes your self-worth and a disregard for your boundaries and needs.

The Façade of Conformity

You may end up suppressing your feelings to avoid conflict and discomfort. It means you are choosing peace over authenticity. You may end up sharing an interest in things you hardly care about or stay silent in an argument.

While holding back might seem like an easy way of dodging uncomfortable moments, you will pay emotionally for such. Psychology has revealed that people often find themselves conforming to what is expected of them, hence they continuously act according to those imagined needs thus pretending they are someone they are not.

If you don’t want to create an agreement that brings contentment that lacks depth and genuine connection, you must deal with forced conformity in any situation you find yourself.

How do You Avoid the Consequences of Being Too Nice in a Relationship?

It is important to set clear boundaries and address harmful behaviors right away. Being too nice should never cost you the respect you deserve and when you stand up for yourself, you will create a healthier and more respectful relationship with everyone.

If you think you have already fallen into the trap of being too nice, here are some ways to get yourself out.

1. Engage in compassionate honesty- You should share your true feelings with others even when you are being nice. This will help others rethink their actions, and create respect and authenticity.

2. Learn to see a “No” response as a form of self-care- It is time to start declining any request targeted at draining you mentally and physically. This will not diminish your love and care for others, it will rather help you protect your boundaries and preserve your energy.

3. Conduct self-check-ins periodically- You need to take time out and regularly check to see if your needs are being met, just the way you meet other people’s needs.

4. The use of collaborative conflict resolution is important- Instead of avoiding disagreements, work together with your friend, acquaintance, or partner to resolve issues. This will help strengthen relationships rather than sidestepping problems.