What If?

I have had a blank Word document open for eleven days. Eleven.

What if I don't write well enough? What if I don't get enough traffic to my website? What if my friends laugh at me? What if... I can't go on typing all the what ifs that went through my head. There are so many it hurts to write it out.

You see, in the middle of the night between January 2nd and January 3rd, I started my first blog. My first blog post was about New Years. I was proud of myself. I shared it on my social media. I decided to post to my blog twice a week.

Then I went on facebook (no notifications). I checked my Kindle sales (they didn't move). Next, I got a snack. My room was a mess so I cleaned it —sort of. I checked my social media again and my Kindle sales (still nothing). Finally, I went to bed four hours before I had to wake up for work the next day.

What if I had written my next blog post instead of doing all that other crap? What if, the next night, I had gotten to work instead of deleting old emails? What if, the night after that, I had done some writing instead of playing games on my phone? What if...? Again, it never ends.

In December, I published a short story and co-published a poetry collaborative. For a year I'd made excuses as to why it should all wait... but in the middle of the night, I just did it! I was researching the self-publishing process, about to turn in for the night. I thought "what if I just do this, right now? It'll be done." If I had published a year ago, I'd probably be making money now. But I can't change the past, so that doesn't matter. If I had waited 'til the next day, I probably would have made more excuses to wait. That book may have never been published.

I can truly say that I am a different person today, less than one month later. Have I "made it"? Not exactly; I've only sold nine copies, to friends and family. But my confidence is up. My motivation is way up. I have something to be proud of. I got raving Amazon reviews from three entire friends. Overnight success is a lie, anyway, so I count this as a win! What if I never sell more? I will still have changed, and I will continue to create more art to share with whoever is interested. What if I become a millionaire on book sales alone? Well then that'll be great! No matter what, when you stop making excuses, the possibilities are always good ones.

I realized something... there is nothing wrong with asking ourselves "what if?" But we need to pay attention to how we ask it. If we want to progress in life—to truly succeed to our own potential—there is no room for negativity. What if the future fails? What if the past had been different? These what ifs do not serve anyone. They are only there to keep us stuck where we are. If we want to grow, there is room for only one type of what if. What if I do this? Because, really, that's the only question that matters: if I succeed, my life changes for the better; if I 'fail', my life changes for the better.

What if must not be a vehicle for self-doubt or regret. What if must be a springboard for possibility.

So. What is your what if?