What I'll Gain From Leaving My Dream Job

In many ways I got everything I wanted in 2020, I landed my dream role at my dream company, I moved to my dream city, and everything seemed like it was working perfectly towards the 5 year plan I had put together in my head despite lockdowns and restrictions. January 2021 however, was called in with me sat in the flat my landlord is selling that I could no longer live in, unemployed again, and desperately uncertain about what my new 5 year plan would look like.

Often we set goals for ourselves and imagine the life we think will bring us happiness but what happens when it doesn't? I was in my dream role at my dream company but in reality I was expected to give up all work-life balance and was often mistreated and taken advantage of. I lived in my dream city but I was in a shared flat with people who were consistently messy, selfish, and confrontational. The decision to leave my role was not an easy one for multiple reasons, I didn't like the idea of giving up on something I wanted, I didn't want to be unemployed at a time where so many are struggling to find work, I didn't want to admit that I had been wrong about the life I wanted.

But, after one particularly insulting meeting, I had had enough. I handed in my notice and walked out of the office that they had insisted on us still attending despite it going against the government guidelines. I cried on the tube home. I didn't tell my friends for weeks. I felt like a complete failure. Despite it being a horrendous workplace with terrible values, I loved my job and I was disappointed I couldn't stick it out. Despite not being granted any time off when a family member ended up in the ICU, despite working weekends, evenings, and every weekend and day off I was entitled to since March without a break, despite receiving consistently unprofessional jabs at my character and personal life, I suffered from something many of us can relate to. I determined a huge amount of my worth based on my perceived professional value.

We live in a society that drives us towards work, we are told that some roles are lesser than others, we are told to strive to have a "good job". I was praised for my academic achievements and being a University student made me proud, when I graduated I put pressure on myself to find a role that would make me feel equally proud. It is this pride, this desire for a particular image of success, that I thought was going to make me happy, and when I was sat at a desk feeling empty and downtrodden even when others complimented me for having such an amazing job, I began to realise that no matter how good a role sounds on a business card, it won't guarantee happiness.

I was missing my time working retail where I had a team around me who I enjoyed my time with, I was missing a previous office role where I felt confident that I had the support of my managers and was praised for my achievements, I missed education where I felt like I was being challenged and developing. I was envious of my friends who loved their jobs despite it not being exactly what they had always wanted. I had come to the realisation that despite being a pretty down to earth working class woman, I had allowed myself to become somewhat of a snob. I had to face the hard reality that the things I wanted for the sake of my image weren't actually valuable. I no longer care if my role is at a brand that others admire, I no longer care if the office is fancy or if the business cards are in a colour scheme I like. We, as a society, need to step back from the constant hamster wheel of achievement where all success is nothing compared to what we could have instead. We need to return to the understanding that happiness, personal satisfaction, and balance are what truly make you successful.

I have proven to myself that I can get the things I want, I have proven to others that I have the capability to achieve great things, but now I need to stop trying to prove anything and instead just find what truly makes me happy and I urge you to do the same. Take a step back, look at the things you want, ask yourself what value they really bring to your life. A fancy job is worth nothing if the team around you is awful, a place in the city is worth nothing if you hate going home to it. Don't fall into the trap of allowing your image to control your life, or determine your happiness. Many would argue that leaving my role was a huge step back for me, but I choose to see it as an opportunity for a fresh start, a chance to start again in pursuit of things that will truly make me happy. I have had the push I needed to reconsider not only the things I value, but my own value, and I hope that everyone makes a point of taking the time this year to do just that.

2020 was the year I got everything I wanted, I'm hoping 2021 will be the year I let myself discover all the things I really need.