What are the values ​​with which you measure yourself?

Often we measure ourselves based on parameters that are not ours and thus we stop respecting ourselves. In this article I would love for you to reflect on whether you are being true to yourself, what you learned from your parents or social conditioning. So keep reading it will be nutritious for you.

We all know the great influence that our parents have on us and how our early childhood is what defines the way we see ourselves and the world.

I want to go a little deeper into this. Once we are 7 years old, our way of interpreting the world is already formed, as the years go by, this is integrated into our unconscious and we do not know it, but those ideas are what define the experiences we have in our adult life.

I give you an example, I have been serving a client who as a child was chubby. At home, physical beauty was one of the most important values ​​and she did not have it. On the other hand, he was very smart. At home, instead of valuing and extolling his virtues, his talents, such as intelligence because of his physical appearance, were focused on and belittled.

As an adult, her fragile self-esteem made her make very bad decisions regarding couples, because she unconsciously thought that she did not deserve love for looking ugly. Even at work, he felt less and therefore, although he was intelligent, he never dared to ask for what he truly deserved to win. She has had very bad relationships, she has lived through very painful moments and all based on that mistaken idea of ​​herself.

I respect myself, the first point of the International Self-Esteem Project (PIA).

I am writing a series of articles to talk about each point to be developed suggested by this guide, which is the PIA. And the first action that this model suggests is precisely to strengthen respect for yourself.

What does this mean? That you look inward instead of following outward. That is, in that self-assessment, you realize what your values ​​are and that you give importance to them.

Perhaps, like my client, you gave more weight to what others told you. It is time to go back to this and realize that you are the most important person in your life, the center of your universe. Therefore you have to live according to your values, not what you learned in the past or what society is trying to sell you as the right thing to do right now.

Respecting yourself includes hearing your inner voice and taking your feelings into account. On the other hand, it does not mean to say that you are perfect. It is about recognizing that now you have lights and shadows like everyone else and that you want to improve. And make an improvement plan based on the commitment you have with you because you want to be a better and happier person.

Other recommendations to respect yourself:

1.- Say yes when you want to say yes, and no, when you want to say no. This looks very simple and obvious. But I invite you to review in your life, how many times you have done things not because you want to do them, but because they are the "must" that you have learned. That from going to a meeting for commitment or even making love with your partner when you really do not feel like doing it.

This does not mean becoming selfish, irresponsible or insensitive to the other, we will talk about this in the next article. It requires you to learn to communicate clearly and gently with others to say what comes from your heart.

2.- Do not submit to others. Sometimes, in the name of love, we allow situations of abuse. There are times when you must firmly say I do not accept this, I do not deserve this treatment. Sometimes we don't say it out of fear, so we have to do the inner work to feel that inner strength that allows us to be clear and loving.

Define what are your values?

If this topic catches your attention, it may be interesting to ask yourself: What are the values ​​that govern my life? Where do these values ​​come from, are they mine or from outside? Do I want to keep using these as my parameters or do I choose to change?

These are deep questions that can take time to answer. But it must have been worth that time.

The work of self-knowledge and self-esteem is a beautiful path, which you can try to travel on your own or you can seek support. In either case, it will help you improve your relationship with yourself and with others.

So as not to leave you curious about my client. This beautiful girl is doing her inner work of healing, forgiveness and, above all, looking at herself with loving eyes. She is rebuilding her idea of ​​herself, recognizing her many values ​​and thus falling in love with her again. Her smile is beautiful and now she can look at herself without so much judgment. This will undoubtedly make you make better partner decisions and demand greater recognition of your skills at work.

You too can improve your life. It is on the one hand your possibility, but on the other your responsibility. So go ahead, you can!

And remember to follow the next articles that will tell you about other practices to strengthen your self-esteem and thus your love for others.