Trying to Fit In? This Is the Best Advice I Can Give You

In our highly opinionated culture of social media blossom, where criticizing became a norm and a pastime, we live life to earn praise.

We show off to impress others and pursue a career widely approved and wanted. Hardly ever do we stop to meditate on whether the pursuit is compatible with our nature.

Is the life we are chasing the reflection of others’ expectations or our heart’s desires? Perhaps, we don’t know yet what our calling is, and that is more than okay to make mistakes and learn as you go. However, society condemns experimenting and praises perfectionism instead: get it right the first time.

In 2015 at the American Institute for Stuttering’s Freeing Voices Changing Lives Benefit Gala, Ed Sheeran, phenomenal singer, producer and songwriter, gave the best advice to young people. He had difficulty expressing himself because of his stutter:

I was a very, very weird child. (…) I had a stutter. I had very big blue glasses. I lacked an eardrum on one side of my face. It was a difficult thing. (…) But I want to stress the point that (…) even if you have quirks and weirdness, you should not be worried about that. Be yourself. There is no one in the world that can be a better you than you are. And if you try to be the cool kid from class, you will be very boring. Embrace your quirks. Being weird is a wonderful thing.

The trend of making yourself smaller.

We are afraid to speak our minds for not to offend anybody else. Thinking highly of yourself has become regarded as a disease. When you look up ‘self-love’, synonyms like egotism, aloofness, vanity, disdain, and conceitedness pop up. The way society has programmed us to regard self-love screams of abuse.

Having a low opinion of yourself is not modesty. It is self-destruction.

— Bobbe Sommer

How often do we diminish our self-worth to fit in within the work environment, popular kids at school or trendsetters? We are eager to overspend on labels we don’t even find comfortable. We restrain urges so that others can find us kind and humble.

Is the opinion of somebody else worth more than our comfort?

I used to hold myself back, not wanting to offend anybody. So I walked on eggshells, afraid to embarrass myself; constantly thinking about what to post on Instagram, not to make a fool of myself.

This never-ending focus on outward appearance left me depleted. I had no energy left for creativity, let alone any room for authenticity. To tell you the truth, there was a time I had no idea what I liked, what I wanted to pursue as my career, and who I wanted to date. All those preferences were muted by the buzzing of the crowd I focused too much of my attention upon. The truth is, my family, and circle of friends were never a problem. My frantic thinking about people was.

What is the most attractive feature you can nurture?

Authenticity, of course.

When you take the need to impress off the pedestal, you find more energy to be creative and live life on your terms. The right person will always gravitate towards your matching energy.

Don’t you find that charming and natural girl alluring and attractive? She may not be the best dressed. She may not be the loudest in the crowd. Her makeup may not be flawless, but she is definitely catching the attention. Why? Because she does not spend energy on how others perceive her. She does not care about being in the centre of attention. She accepts herself first and foremost. Only then does everybody around gets magnetized by her charm as well.

Take a look at famous fictional characters like Luna Lovegood or Phoebe Buffay. People love them, not despite being weird. But because they are weird in daring to be themselves.

Another example would be Cardi B. You may not like her. You may not share her ideas and values. But you have to admit: she is fearless when it comes to being herself and not caring what people think. Her authenticity protects her career. When she slips up, she apologizes sincerely. But the crucial point is that she is not afraid to mess up.

The idea of being true to yourself despite the pressure to conform is a hallmark of self-awareness.

How many people are too intimidated by others’ opinions to make a mistake, send out the first draft, and express themselves publicly? How many people limit their active engagement in life for fear of being judged?

The mind likes labels. Once people fail to put you in the box, it makes them uncomfortable. Shine your light, no matter how others react to it. It is impossible to make others happy. They need to work it out by themselves.

You are not here to be accepted.

You are here to tell your truth and find your unique voice. Furthermore, you are not here to change peoples’ minds. People have every right not to like you. They will criticize you no matter what you are doing. Changing people is a futile endeavour we sadly became addicted to.

Do not let anybody dim your light. Do not fit in. Do not become one of many. Be artistic. Be creative. Be you. Be weird. You will be successful because you will be happy being yourself. They can wear shades for all I know if the glow gets in their faces.

The biggest success you can find lies in being yourself. Despite anyone telling you that you can’t be this or that. Despite expectations projected on you by society, movies, TV shows, parents, peers, or teachers. When you proceed despite that, you have nailed it.

Being yourself is powerful.

Remember, different is good. Weird is interesting. If someone tells you that you are weird, somehow misunderstood — wear that attitude proudly. When you resist following the beaten path, it makes you magical.

When you are yourself, you can establish immense self-confidence. With such an attitude, the road leads downhill, right? Carry on being weird.

Weirdness is f**king hot. Ed did amazing in life, despite his quirks and stutter. You will be fine too with being yourself.

You were born to stand out, not to blend in.

Who wants to fit in, anyway?

Join my e-mail list here to stay in touch. I’d love to hear what you’re thinking.