This Year, Stop Chasing a Ghost

Have you ever felt like your whole life is a chase? A chase for something untouchable, limitless, ever-changing. Almost, ghost-like.

Ghosts are real. We all have them. In fact, for the most part, we create them.

As members of the planet’s most destructive social species, we are inclined to compare ourselves, to hopefully feel better and press forward. We compare ourselves with ourselves, with others, and mostly with ghosts; the produce of our own unjustifiable impressions.

The mere act of comparison creates ghosts. The perceived delta between the current and the idealized state provides fertile ground. In the absence of concrete information, we then seed this ground with our biases and watch our ghosts bloom. Thanks to ages of ancestral practice, we then hold ourselves, our family, friends, and society accountable to this hypothetical idea of “how things should actually be”.

Ghosts are convincing. They make us feel like we are onto something. Whether they are the parental expectations that we strive to fulfill or the self-set (if self truly exists) goals we work towards, they give us a sense of purpose. We look around and see everyone else chasing their own ghosts as well which nudges us to even dig deeper in our quest.

Ghosts are dressed with expectations. Every given day, people reflect on themselves and try to push or pull themselves an inch closer to their idealized state. Think of the holiday season as an example. While a part is dedicated to gratefulness and being together, a good chunk is devoted to how the new year new me should be different. It is an annual ghost creation ceremony at scale, thanks to all the New Year resolutions.

Faster, stronger, better, slimmer, richer, fitter… Superlatives are the currency of the ghost-world. There are almost 8 billion of us on this planet yet most of us seek -er of choice from an awfully predictable, set menu. Rarely asking “Do I really want this?” “Do I truly want this change in myself or around me?” “Why do I want what I believe I want?”.

At its essence, this is a restless state of continually pushing yourself to just another state in a never-ending chase spiral.

The Ghost Business

What is more, ghost breeding is a lucrative business. Society wants you to keep up with Joneses so that you provide stability. Social media platforms get optimized to maximize your FOMO so that you keep coming. Companies penetrate deep into your self-understanding to position themselves as identity providers so that you never stop buying from them.

You being comfortable in your skin and in peace with your existence do not quite comply with the dynamics of such institutions. True comfort and self-sufficiency do not sell. Your immunity to the ghost business is not appreciated. Furthermore, it does not matter if the world is going through a pandemic, a war, or a more intricate social collapse. The ghost-mongering never ends.

All to convince you that a change is necessary. You are not enough. You, in your present state, are no good for anyone. The present is not your present.

The Good Ghosts

This is not to say that ghosts are entirely useless. In fact, as long as they are tamed, they support our very existence. We seem to find some hidden power in trying to be like someone else or getting closer to our illusive idealized state. There is even great satisfaction in reaching some of those internally set goals. Imagine, what would the whole self-help genre do if there was not.

“My motivation is this ghost I’m chasing. The ghost played in Chicago.” Lebron James, Sports Illustrated 2016

You clearly do not need to be a GOAT to tame your ghosts. In Lebron James’s case, the ghost serves as a great motivator. Even though he openly states that no two people are comparable, Lebron employs the ghost of Michael Jordan to drive himself further. A great example of a productive ghost relationship.

Bear in mind, that while a professional athlete may need to constantly dance with ghosts to further accelerate his career, this may not be all that necessary for the rest of us, the mortals.

The key to dealing with ghosts is being aware of them. As we go by the journey of life, we get countless opportunities to create new ghosts and bury the old ones. We hug the new and immediately forget the old. The chase never ends. The only constant being our approach to ourselves, our inner voice, and above all, our ability to give ourselves a breathing space. This is where we can cultivate our own ghost immunity by living in the moment, connecting the dots of the past and present, and feeling comfortable in our own skin.

There is no point in being beaten down by our own self-created ghosts unless one is deeply subscribed to a not-so-helpful victim mentality. In this sense, performing simple exercises of self-inspection and asking WHY more purposefully can go a long way in our battle against all ghostly forces.

The Bottomline

In conclusion; perhaps this year, just be. It is challenging, yet give it a try.

Pay attention to your internal and external triggers. Wander through not only what makes you tick but also sick. Aspire for those things that you, and only you, truly want. Tame and love your ghosts. Laugh at their jokes and appreciate their mummer's play. Take advantage of all the signals you receive from them, and remind yourself that they are your own creations. Not set-in-stone rules of mother nature to live by.

Ignore all the personal development hype (maybe even this read) and just be. Do not get caught up and bash yourself with unrealistic expectations. Life is not a racing game. Not every lap needs to improve.

Just a simple new year,