This Time Last Year

This past week I had some time off of work, enjoyed a quick skiing trip with some friends, met some other friends for a birthday brunch, went to a comedy show with my sister, and finally had some dental work done that I had been putting off. Halfway through my time off, I realized where I was this time last year ( Super Bowl Weekend) and I almost cried at how much progress and how close I felt to my pre-pandemic and pre-Lyme Disease Life.

This Time Last Year

February 2021 my undiagnosed Lyme Disease had peaked. I was taking at-home blood tests, Googling every symptom, spending most weekends on the couch sleeping, missing my old life, wondering if I would ever get better, and watching everything I have worked so hard for come crumbling down. It was also this time last year that my determination started to grow stronger and stronger and was I determined to find answers about my health.

I remember last year’s Super bowl very clearly. There was a snowstorm, my boyfriends went out plowing, and I was looking forward to the evening of my time. Instead, I was plagued with anxiety, fatigue, and overall upset about my ongoing health issues. Instead of getting the laundry done that Sunday I thought that if I meditated for 45 minutes and relaxed that I would feel better and it would be helpful. My plan didn’t quite work out I had to call out sick that Monday and just sleep because the fatigue, jitters, anxiety, and everything just wouldn’t go away.

Last winter we also canceled our annual ski trip due to COVID and I was behind at work. I was in denial of how bad my health problems were and how much of a mess I had become.

This Year

This year we planned, booked, and enjoyed our annual ski trip with our friends. I felt extra grateful and truly enjoyed myself this year. I’ve gone away and gotten out and done things in the last year that I have enjoyed and brought normalcy but this time just felt different and more of a milestone. I returned from the ski vacation on Friday Night. Saturday I was meeting some friends for a birthday brunch in the city.

The very first sign of Lyme Disease and when I knew something was wrong was a terrible panic attack while driving on the highway. I have barely driven on the highway since then and didn’t share this with many people out of embarrassment. I would take backroads, leave early, blame traffic, or when asked where I was I would just say I was further than I was. I told myself I would conquer the highway again during the healing process but was never quite ready.

That Saturday morning on my way to brunch I got on the highway and drove into the city with no panic and an overwhelming sense of pride, met my friends at their condo, which I hadn’t been to since pre-pandemic, and caught up with everyone at brunch. When asked if I drove myself since they were some of the only people that knew about highway driving I smiled and said yes. When I got in my car headed home while on the off-ramp, all of the emotions came over me. I had done it, I was healing, and I almost started to cry tears of joy. The emotions were just about everything that had happened in the last year and the progress that I had made.

At that moment I had flashes of what the last 12 months had been like, the conversations with doctors about having a mood disorder that I would never come back from and would probably only get worst with time. Most importantly I felt normal like my old self just better. It was the best feeling and a sign that all of my hard work is starting to pay off.

Sunday when I went to the comedy show with my sister I even drove in the snow (pre-Lyme Disease anxiety) which gave me another taste of normalcy. I finished my vacation on Monday with a trip to the dentist, while not the highlight of my vacation, I had put a lot of my appointments and other needs aside to deal with Lyme Disease another sign that things are starting to get back to normal.

Is My Work Done?

The answer is no, but I am celebrating the milestones. When I found out I had Lyme Disease after ten months of sickness followed by an additional six months of antibiotics I promised I would get myself healthy. While this past week was a perfect example of how my hard work is paying off I know I still have things to work on both big and small. For right now though I’m celebrating small victories, letting the feeling of accomplishment get the best of me, and enjoying the taste of normalcy.

Some of the Lyme Symptoms did come and go mildly over my vacation. However, they are much better than they once were and I know how to read the signs my body is giving me and take a break.