The voice in my head

Am I doing it right?

this thing called life.

What if i get it wrong, i say in my silly little head spinning with thoughts.

I ask myself time and time again. What's the signs say? I pray. What if i miss my exit? I whisper to myself as I play the possibilities in my head. I question everything. Everything about me, everything about them.

When there's not full clarity on a matter its like I peep through the key hole on a door before I open it. And even then, I'll peep through all the key holes on all the doors, and sit in the center of them contemplating everything that could go wrong and then....also, everything that could go right.

So many choices. So many decisions. What if I get it wrong?

And then I hear a whisper, "You could never get it wrong"

I question, who is this speaking. Spirit? My own mind? My future self?

And then I retatliate, "have you seen how easy it is to fuck up in life? to all of the sudden have no job, no home, no place to go. How could you say I can't get it wrong!"

Like an angel and a devil on my shoulders in a fight.

The voice says again, "You can't get it wrong...

Life is a series of choices and even when you make a choice that you start to regret, you get another one, a choice after that choice, and another one and another one. It's always a choice. And you can't get it wrong but you must always take a step and create."

I sigh.

What nonsense. All these choices and I can't get it wrong.

So here I am. Peeping in all the keyholes of the doors yet opened. Seeing everything that could go wrong, and everything that could go right. Thinking about what people will say. or what that person would choose. How maybe this door could lead to this door. And here I am in a puzzle in my mind, trying to figure out a future that has a rythme.

And yet the voice echo's, "you can't get it wrong"

So I sit and take a pause. Really let that one sink in.

Well, if I reaaaaalllly can't get it wrong.....

then wow, what do I want.

and just like that "what shouuuuld I do, turned into what do I want"

And finally one day, I stopped waiting for the signs, for somebody else to give me the green light, the answers to life.

I took my power back.

And I say, I could never get it wrong.

So watch me, move like a song.

Dance with that wind,

And free fall into life, knowing every step I take is a choice that I make, not just fate.

And maybe grace comes in like the wind, teaching me how to co create with fate.

I can't always trust every voice in my head to be honest. But when I get really quiet, and sit in stillness, breathe deep, and then listen...it's usually that voice that I can trust. The one coming from a calmed state, beneath the fears and made up stories. Beneath the whirlwind of thoughts and lack of trust in life.

O bless the moments I forget that I create. Because that moment when I remember again, its like I'm opening my eyes for the first time all over again. That step, is a choice and everything starts with one step, and sometimes....sometimes that's all you need to know.

You can't get it wrong.

~Ong namo guru dev namo - I bow to the inner guru. ~