The Surprising Ways You Keep Score In Your Social Life

I received a compliment today from an online friend.

In the past, I would have brushed it off and responded with, a polite reply, “Oh it was nothing”.

I might have then said something nice about them. I would return the compliment.

Instead, I said, “thank you” and let it go at that.

I also said, “I’m happy to receive that sweet compliment with joy.”

Receiving without trying to figure out how to reciprocate is something I’ve been working on. It goes against the grain to do this. We’ve been taught to return favors, so we automatically look for ways to give back.

I find it helps to look at it through the eyes of the giver.

When someone graciously receives your gift, it’s rewarding. It makes you feel good deep down inside.

It’s as if you’re giving them a gift yourself.

There are two parts to receiving. One occurs on the surface and the second one is deeper.

When we think of receiving, we often think about receiving a compliment, or a gift, or money. We can also receive a helping hand, or the chance to make a new friend.

On the surface, we’re willing to receive if we can keep things even. When you operate at the surface level, your heart is closed and you aren’t open to fully receive.

At a deeper level, we’re willing to receive openly, with gratitude, and without scorekeeping.

I t’s a vulnerable position to put yourself in.

A lot of people aren’t willing to ask for help or to receive help. They use pride to block the possibility of receiving.

We use score-keeping in our social interactions.

Many people need to make things fair; when they receive, they instantly need to figure out how to give something back.

When you deepen into receiving, you allow a simultaneous receiving and giving.

Asking for help is one way to allow someone to receive.

Choosing to be vulnerable and asking for help is a way of giving. By asking and being vulnerable, you give the other person an opportunity to give. They also receive the communion that comes with a deeper relationship with you.

I experienced this during an online writing workshop a few years ago.

Over time, we shared our stories and got to know a lot about each other’s lives. A group of us created a space of love and allowance that still exists even though many years have passed. The gentle encouragement experienced by each writer brought them to the point where they boldly decided to let their writing be shared in an anthology.

We still share that collaboration at Breathing Words. (I’d love it if you’d go and like the page.)

Receiving is when you allow a happy dance with life to occur.

You don’t have to agree to receive. You can remain open to receiving even though you don’t accept an offer. It’s possible to say no, but thank you for the offer.

You may not be receiving what they’re offering outright, but you could be receiving learning and insights from how the interaction occurs. If you go into a state of refusal, those subtle insights will not be available to you.

This can occur when someone wants you to accept their point of view. You can trust your inner authority and disagree. You don’t have to make their point of view wrong, you can refuse to accept it but remain in the openness of receiving.

We work so hard to refuse receiving and it often turns into drama.

Opening yourself up to the full allowance of receiving creates a vast space where anything can occur. True receiving is allowing possibility to come to you.

Allowance is the gateway to receiving

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This story also appears on Medium by Tree Langdon, the author.