The Hundred Day Dream

On the night of August 21, 2017, my life would soon change. Some people said I was even reborn. All I know from that night are only fragments of what my mother told me. For example, she told me what my last meal was that day and the direction I was walking in before the accident. She tells me those memories are etched into her head. Sometimes I wondered what passed through my mind or what it would have been like if that car had never hit me. I wondered how this all could be different.

When I heard that my family was devastated over my condition and spent all day and all night at my bedside, I wished that I could sympathize with them. But unfortunately, I could not. I felt a loss of emotion for multiple years.

I couldn’t see it then, but my life had nothing to complain about. I despised hearing the phrase: “Someone else always has it worse”. Everyone indeed takes something for granted, but knowing that made me feel like my problems were invalid. Not only that, but I was more immature than I am now. I was 15 years old at the time. It was the summer break before my sophomore year.

It was a 10% chance that I would wake up. But when I did wake up from my three-month coma, I didn’t know where I was. I had no recollection of how or why I was in a hospital. I was rendered unable to walk, speak, eat, and use my hands easily. But I was able to overcome some of my struggles with my traumatic brain injury with the emotional support of my family and peers. My determination was another factor that enabled me to have a speedy recovery. The number of cognitive deficits I had impacted my recovery greatly. I had even convinced myself that I was in a nightmare to cope with my TBI.

I spent a year getting treatment in a rehabilitation hospital, getting physical, speech, occupational, and neuropsychology therapy in a program specifically tailored to children with brain injuries.

People often asked me if I dreamt while in a coma. I suppose in a way it was more of a daze. Thinking everything was fictitious was my brain’s only way of coping. Refusing all reality and living in a dreamlike state, this was my new reality; my new life it seemed.

The more spiritual people such as my grandfather, simply stated that I was on a spiritual journey and will come back soon. My grandfather had a very influential part in my story. He would perform reiki healing rituals on me. He used to tell me how he was a Native American in a past life and the Natives saw the butterfly as a symbol of being reborn. The churches that visited prayed for me as well.

I had to get physical therapy and strengthen myself to prepare to walk again. I progressed from a wheelchair to a walker to finally a cane that I still currently use. Additionally, I was a phenomenal runner in my younger years. Therefore, running was an ability that I wanted back as well. I refused to give up so I kept on pushing myself. Although, my speech was another issue.

During my speech therapy, I learned to eat properly and without choking as well as enunciate. Sometimes I wanted to give up. I never did though. Instead, I learned skills to improve my vocalization. I had trouble speaking in the very beginning unless I was laying on my stomach. I am not sure if I was stubborn or forgot how to talk, looking back on it. Speaking was not all I did there though. Moreover, we did cognitive exercises too. Then, occupational therapy helped me regain my fine motor skills.

My motor functions were extremely difficult to work with. I couldn’t write, type, or use silverware. But occupational therapy aided me in my ability to do daily tasks again. People tend to take these everyday activities for granted without even realizing it. For example, being unable to open a water bottle or pick up a pencil and write your name. Even though it was demanding, going to rehab helped me.

Nonetheless, I endured my grueling therapies with flying colors and my cognitive rehabilitation therapists had a major effect on me. Because of them, I could walk, speak, and eat again.

I have healed immensely and continue to heal every day. My walking and balance need some improvement along with my short-term memory. With hard work and determination, your condition can improve. But many people with TBIs are not in touch with their limitations. Patients with TBIs, including me, tend to rationalize the situation by believing that there isn’t anything wrong with them.

Everyone who has experienced a traumatic brain injury should learn not to rush the healing process. The brain takes a significant amount of time to heal, perhaps even years. Even then, the brain may not make a full recovery. I knew that no two brain injuries were alike, but I truly understood what that meant once I sustained one myself. It’s a lifelong struggle that nobody should have to go through. Throughout this long journey, I achieved personal growth. I became a more positive person and I realized how strong and resilient I was, though I still cannot run. I believe I will get there one day. Nevertheless, I persisted and I continue to give hope by living on. People stated that I was strong. Hearing others calling me strong made me believe that there is still hope in the world.