The freedom of acceptance

Only a couple of years back I discovered what acceptance really means.

Nearly 50 decades in this world and only now I have the freedom of being truly me.Everything started in my teenage years, when is normal to want the acceptance of people those feelings are normal we all try to fit in this world.Right

At home I did not have the support that I needed, but that is another complete story.

The reasons why I did not develop a healthy self -esteem can be numerous, and now I am aware of them, but at the time my mind was only focus in the external appearance of things.I was focus in my looks especially in my weight, always aware of what I was eating or not eating a constant jumping into the scale to control those kilos.

After years I get worse was an obsession and empty space inside me that stop me to enjoy life I was only 21 years old when my diagnosis was eating disorder bulimia to be specific.Finally I asked for help and I get better with the help of therapy, medication, and the support of family and friends.

The irony of this is that I was never overweight in the first place on the contrary I was and I still am a slim person but I remember the days when even the reflection in the mirror was saying the opposite.

Somebody told me once that this traumatic experience always have repercussion in me and I believe it.

Right now I learnt decades later that our past does not determine our future, that we need to let go to proper heal, and that was my case, yes I thought that I healed, and I did the condition was not present in my life but I did not let go the aftermath from my soul, I carried on in my shoulders with feelings of shame and guilt that darken my spirit for years.

My self-love was damaged,I was proud of myself for not be ill anymore but I was still looking for something outside of me, something that I thought that I did not have it. I was not enough.That feeling of not be enough, limited myself, made me choose the wrong partners because I was small inside with bare little small dreams until more lessons came into my life.

I have the believe that we are responsible for everything that happens in our lives but the universe, the source, God whatever you want to call it allowed until the lesson is learnt.

A couple of years ago after being in an abusive relationship for 14 years,I could not take it anymore,I was again in that dark hole with the same feelings so well known for me and I thought until when.I gained courage and I let him was not easy,at times I was frightened but was the beginning of the end. The end of that young girl in a body of a mature woman waiting to be loved.

In the last couple of years and discovered the treasures of self-love of the acceptance of being truly me with my virtues and flows. I learnt to heal for the inside out to feel what is to feel enough in the core of my being to carry myself with the sense of be complete.

In life pain is mandatory for all of us but suffering is optional because we can always choose of how we want to feel about anything that life throws to us. Now when something is not right in my life I am not asked anymore why me I always ask why for ...always will be a lesson hidden behind.

Truly and authentically

ME