The Confessional

The Confessional

Whether we realize it, or not, the car has been a true confessional. When alone, you can confess to yourself how your car responses are similar to your daily responses in other areas of your life. The car is where we show who we really are while behind the wheel. What personality type do you exhibit behind the wheel? Are you easily annoyed by the slow driver ahead of you? Or, are you calm and understanding? Is it 100% of the time that you react the same way to the same stimuli? Or, 70%? What does your behavior reveal about how you are outside the car? Can you tell yourself the truth? If you can see your car behavior as it is, you can learn new areas of your life you may want to tweak everywhere at all times. Even if you are pleased with your responses, by acknowledging them you can deepen, or increase their application.

The car provides intimacy because it is a small, enclosed space. No one is likely to jump out suddenly. You know how long it will take to get where you are going. You and the other, whether passenger or driver, both have the same location in mind. If it is two or more people in the car, you can achieve a sense of intimacy, a closeness, a you-outside-the-world-togetherness. The brief time gives a sense of urgency once you are open to intimacy.

When alone, you can imagine a younger, or older, self of you to commune with. You could be open to any image showing up, a person or thing that may have something to say.

For me, my Inner Child would show up in baggy clothes that were ill-fitted and out-of-date. She wouldn’t say anything. There was no attitude. She just would look at me with her straight hair and thick bangs that her mother cut. My in-the-moment adult self would say: “It’s OK. It turns out after all. You grow up, move away, and get emplyed. Then you buy clothes you like. You have me now. I am looking after you.”

Or, you may be riding with a physical companion that is not a person, but a dog. When I ride with my daughter’s dog, I talk out loud all the way, explaining where we are going and what we will do when we get there. It makes a difference because Bailey, who suffers from ADD and OCD, is more adjusted when we go somewhere. That is, unless we are going to the vet. He always knows.

Set an intention before riding with someone. Though this ride is an opportunity for intimacy, there are many people who don’t want a high level of that. Still any connection is better than none. You can have an opening for later closeness.

Sometimes, you may want chitchat. Other times, a more valuable outcome to conversation is preferable. With everyone, you can practice listening without judgment.

When you are in the car with someone, it is always an opportunity for sharing. For children, you can discover more about their world by asking: “What do your friends think about _________.”

Still, there are times that wondrous revelations emerge spontaneously without prompting. By being a trusted listener, you allow others to speak their truth. You hear things that created ever closer relationships.

Why not use the time in your car? Mostly, it is a good idea to connect on a deep level, but it does not work to trap someone who could feel intimidated, or trapped, by you. You can only have a great conversation with someone who is willing to communicate. Otherwise, you may win the proverbial battle, but lose the entire war.

Also, if the driver is derailed by a difficult topic, it may not be good for other drivers on the road. A light touch can be applied.

In the spirit of love, make use of your travel time for yourself when alone, and others when together. Doing so, you can learn wondrous things about your passenger(s) and yourself. Sounds like a plan for every day in and out of the car.