The art of procrastination

I have a question, it might triggers you but there it goes: Is it me of this pandemic got us more lazy? Let me rephrase that, I mean at first we were all for getting ourselves busy during the first lockdown, I got friends promising to learn a new language, maybe start cooking, or baking. But what I noticed over time, all that went away, don't get me wrong I felt for that too. I promised myself to stay active, write my second book ( still didn't get half way of it done yet), I would read more, watch all the shows and movies on my Netflix list. Well, it didn't happen, I mean for the past year, I didn't hold any of those objectives, I spend my time watching videos on YouTube lay on my couch and eat take out almost daily Why did I do that you wonder? Well, it's simple, I procrastinate, a LOT! I am not the type of person who when I have free time I can be productive, I am the opposite of that, free time to me equal me not doing anything. I thrive in high energy and busy schedule, I don't know how others do but I am much more productive when I have plenty on my plat.

I am a workaholic, I love being tired at the end of the day, that's my way to make a good use of my time, when I used to work, I hated vacation and still do. Vacations makes me lazy, doing nothing increase my laziness to an point it annoy me, it's strange for some people but there are others out there similar to me, they get it. I got laid off in the middle of the pandemic, meaning I was working from home when I got the boot, it was already frustrating to work from home, so that was the last straw. I know that a lot of people lost their jobs because of this pandemic, and hunting for a job during this time it's insanely harder than usual. I get the anger and the hardship of the situation, because I live it too, so I would at first create a planning for my now "free" time. Good right? Well, I was thinking getting myself busy like I was still working with activities would help me be proactive and keep my mind of my unemployment. The plan was simple, simple enough that I wouldn't feel uninspired or unmotivated to do anything. Oh boy! I was wrong, I have a weak concertation span or at least short high to do what I put my mind into. I wanted to finish writing my book, as I stated earlier, I even created a weekly words objective, which I never complete. I created a calendar for each projects I developed during this madness of pandemic. I created a schedule for my podcast, my YouTube channels, articles I would write for Vocal, and of course job hunting, each had a specific day of the week on which I would work on it. Like a full time job, without salary but just my motivation to reach people out with my content. It's been over 6 months now, that I have been out of job, and guess what? I haven't been really on it, like I promised myself, I wasn't as dedicated as I wanted to.

I was also suppose to keep my physical heath intact, but we all know and are stuck in this "Covid" weight. I hate it, I hate feeling like shit, in my city the restrictions where so strict that even the gym at my building was closed. Meaning you couldn't book the space just for yourself for months, for some people is not much of a problem, but for a gym fanatic like me, it's an issue. I use workout as my medium to put all my stress and frustration out, but when I stopped going, let say I was starting to lose my cool for a lot of things. I didn't got for walks, because I live in a place where winter is a thing and I am not a fan. I stayed home for months, just got out to throw out garbage and that's it, my groceries were delivered at my door, I was in full hermit mode. Plus I would indulge take out 3 to 4 time a week, what a waste of money, and the lack of movement didn't help. I noticed I got thicker when I could fit some of my jeans, even the boyfriend jeans!!! The one that should be large, regardless, my wake up call was after I was trying to fit in my usual cloths I was out of breath. Which is a terrible sign of health problem, but thank GOD, the restrictions started to be lighter, so I start to hit the gym again. The first week was insanely painful and I really was in bad shape, even if I didn't gain an crazy amount of weight, I didn't feel good anymore. I am still working on that, the only bad habit I am still struggling with is ordering take-outs. What's the link with procrastination and laziness? Simple, I love to cook, usually I would get take out as a weekend treat, not a daily habit, I developed a lazy lifestyle by staying at home. I could be inspired to cook more but my lazy ass didn't want to cook, because I would be home the next day, and I got time, tones and tones of time. So I would look at the time if it was too late, I would just order because I didn't feel like cooking. So, yeah, covid weight is real, and I hate it, all my hard work to maintain a healthy habit gone in less then a year.

Now, let's talk about Netflix and people who were able to finish it. I need your secret, I am a moderate binger, I can watch about 5 to 8 episodes of a show that it's about 20 minutes (anime, sitcoms) and 3 to 4 episodes regular shows and docuseries. Don't even ask me to binge the whole thing in a day, because I can't and I get bored quickly, and again my attention span is limited too. I recently started to force myself to watch some Netflix shows I wanted to finish or do reviews on it, and add the fact that I also have a Prime subscription and I also want to catch up. I would plan to watch one of the two, then add new stuff on my watchlist and not watching what I planned to watch in the first place. Then, I would watch some YouTube, not some, I am lying, I watch a crapload of YouTube video, from morning to the time I go to bet, sometimes I even forget when to take a break and eat like I wouldn't be able to pause it or something. I fall in the rabbit hole of the recommendation videos similar of what I just watched. It's my kryptonite, YouTube is my absolute weakness, the perfect distraction, I always say after the next video I will be done, which never, I say NEVER happen!

But I have to admit that this pandemic also has a huge impact on my mental, I lost motivate to do a lot of things. I am still afraid to go outside, even if I take all the precaution, I don't want us to go back in a lockdown. It have been a lot, and I though really that would be beneficial to my creativity, skill improvement, but it had the opposite influence on me. I didn't learn a new language, I didn't learn how to bake, I haven't finish writing my book, I didn't read as much as I promised I would. And guess what, it's OK, and it's normal to loose motivation and inspiration in this situation. I am part of people you are not proactive when they have "free" time to spare, I indulged in my laziness during this pandemic, maybe it was needed. Maybe it's fine for workaholic to just take the time to do nothing, procrastinate, be lazy not motivate. We are lucky to be still alive, not catching this virus, having our love ones still around. So let not feel bad because we didn't complete a project in 2 weeks, or learn a new skill. We have all our own pace, and I think that's what matter the most, we have to learn to listen to out inner selves, reconnect with who we are. Seriously, there a pandemic out there, it's enough stress, we don't need to add more on what the hell it's going on! Just enjoy what makes you feel good right now, hang on this light that keeps you going.