Thankful for my sanity still being intact

While I’m usually quite thankful for life itself, I’m especially grateful for being able to live through such an unfathomable time in the world. For sure I thought I would have torn out all of my hair by now. The enormous stress of everything is enough to really make me do that and then some.

You see, I’m the kind of person who doesn’t take well to unexpected events. And especially not ones that are deadly. I tend to worry a lot. In the medical world, they call it anxiety. Yes, I am indeed anxiety prone, and the current climate isn’t exactly a walk in the park for someone like me.

Thoughts of doom and gloom already naturally follow me around like clockwork, so coping is the only strategy that I have. I’d like to think that I have finally come up with a somewhat permanent and uncomplicated remedy that appears to be working.

If I could package it up in a bottle and sell it, I would. Ready? Wait for it! I’m talking about walking. Okay, so walking may seem like one of the least most exciting things to do. And it is. But, God has it ever saved my state of mind.

And while I’m being honest, I am extremely grateful that I am able to walk at all. It’s not lost on me that many people do not have that same privilege. Every morning I get out of bed at around 8:00 am, shower, eat breakfast and hit the pavement. It’s become a daily ritual for the past 7 months.

Sometimes, if I’m feeling up to it, I’ll go out for evening walks as well. I love it because of the liberating glory. I am fortunate to live in an area where I am surrounded by natural scenery. That in of itself is also very therapeutic for me. I mean, it’s funny how one can take such beautiful things for granted. Colors, sights and sounds really do emphasize the meaning of life.

I found myself becoming a lot more curious about everything around me. Asking internal questions. Trying to figure out the answers. My mind was so preoccupied with Mother Nature’s creations that I didn’t have time for worry or fear. Now, that is not to say that I am completely cured of my anxiety, because I most definitely am not. However, I can say that I feel more stabilized.

Stability is all anyone wants these days. There are so many struggling with mental health challenges, made worse of course by the pandemic. And sure, it might be easiest to throw one’s hands in the air while screaming in frustration that enough is enough.

But those like myself who struggle through the same difficulties are fighters. I want to believe so badly in the power of healing. I don’t want to be afraid of my own brain and its sometimes unpredictable turbulence.

So I’m learning more and more about how to help take care of me. In short, it’s called self-care. The walking is a part of that. I’ve had to learn that the mind, body and soul are all connected. I can’t function unless they are completely balanced. A wake up call perhaps. But most importantly an awareness of survival.

Far too many people have fallen into the abyss of depression due to the isolation of the pandemic. I could have easily fallen into that deep dark hole myself if it weren’t for the peace of mind that I have now. I am glad that I have given myself permission to feel, instead of numbing myself off from the good that can happen once fears are completely addressed.

I made the personal choice to not allow internal battles with mental health to finish me off. I want to feel whole. I deserve to feel whole. And I intend to be whole. Wow, does it ever feel good to say that. I am more than grateful for this new found sense of protection.

Thankful that the woman in me has been able to recognize and respect it’s value.