healing
How to heal fully and properly.
how it all started #1
How it started. When it started. Why it started. I'm not sure where to begin, as this all started years ago. Let's get to the point, I was bullied, i was a bully, I was sexually assaulted and i never thought I would say the last part but I said it. I'll start with Me getting bullied I was tall, strong and a girl, most mEn,boys find strong+tall+girl, pretty threatening, so I got bullied called ugly naMes, never got treated as a girl so I Practically turned myself into a boy as I thought it would stop but nope I was wrong. I haTed the way I looked I hated my hair as I thought curly hair was messy, I hated my eYes as they were to big compared to everyone else,I hated my lips as my friends all had nice thin lips, I hated my nose has everyone had a cute little nose, I hated my feet, I hated my hands, I hated my legs,I hated everything, everything on me and I think to myself why would I think that I was young, why would I punish myself, why was i so hard on myself. I started to grow hatred everyday more and more, so I let that out on other people tried to make them feel how I feel. I wish I never turned to that and i'm sorry for however I made you feel. I grew to cry every night, I grew to hate my appearance, I grew to be quiet and loud, I grew to hate, I grew to impress, I grew to never accept, I grew to not be me. Now me getting sexually assaulted, it wasn't the first time, the first time was when I was so young, I got forced, I got told to bend over, I got told if i don't do this I wont get to do this or that, I felt like this was normal, I thought it was ok, I never understood, until I got older but I never talked about it until I got older, he was much older than me and to think a grown teenager would do this to a little girl, he done it every time I came over. Not once did I think to tell my mum as she wouldn't believe me.The 2nd time, I was much older it was in primary school, she was very controlling and very must go my way or else. I felt threatened and scared I did not want to go on her bad side but I was perfectly strong and capable of stopping it but I mentally wasn't strong at all, I thought if I dont carry on with this I wont have friends, I'll be alone. So I had to go with it, she touched me everywhere, she wouldn't stop, she also forced other people, I felt disgusting, it was gross, I was not lesbian or bi, I hated every second of it, as soon as I went home, I went to my room cried and cried, I hated myself more, I wanted to disappear more and more, but I wasn't myself I'm still not me to this day. I lost myself everyday. I was stuck with that judgement throughout my whole school life. This is only the start of everything. I'm not me, I feel this is how I'm supposed to be. I'm not supposed to be here.
By Narissa Wingate-Connor6 years ago in Motivation
Being a victim of homophobia as a kid
Whenever I have an anxiety attack, the first thing I do is to sit at the corner of my dark room and take the time to reflect on the reasons behind it. I question myself, my past and what lead me to this completely messed up state. I look at my past and the image of a terrified and shy kid comes to my mind.
By Mohamed 6 years ago in Motivation
Un-Becoming
Quarantine Day Umpteen: It was just another Monday. Well, not your typical Monday. Unless your typical Monday includes an executive stay-at-home order from your governor because of a global pandemic. I sat at home scrolling on the Facebook (yes, THE Facebook) like the rest of my fellow detainees. Someone tagged me to a status with a hilarious joke and, instantly, I got an idea: What if I made this hypothetical joke a reality? So I staged a joke Facebook Live concert poking fun at the great Ms. Lauryn Hill's notorious tardiness. (I'm honestly a huge fan and I hope that she finds it humorous if she ever finds out about it.) With a hat, a mic stand, a guitar, and absolute silence I garnered approximately 4.8K viewers within about 2 hours. And while going somewhat viral is quite an experience, I was overwhelmed with the fact that, for the first time in a long time, I had just gone with a gut feeling without question. Sure, it may not sound like a monumental moment to you all. All I did was set up some props and leave my laptop idle for a few hours, right? On the surface, that may be. But this moment signified a breakthrough that was 20-some-odd years in the making.
By Arielle Crosby6 years ago in Motivation
Respect The Culture
There are different stories about black culture, My culture. I already know this and know you know this. People well known to the world have told their story, their struggle of being a colored person in society. While some also mention the favoritism that was played dividing black people from each others causing unforgettable fights that still exist to this day.
By Narley♥️6 years ago in Motivation
Unpopular opinion or not, it’s the only one I have...
You can’t make the world better. The word “better” itself is subjective. Good for one could just mean bad for another. Funny isn’t it? The derivation of perspectives. Take a nation, as beautiful as mine, the U.S., our prosperity and success. Really? It means nothing when the consequence is the oppression of the rest.
By Father Atom6 years ago in Motivation
Mind Your Thoughts
So, I don't know if you've heard of it, but there's this thing called “sublicide.” Allow me to explain: In the wild, amongst animals, specifically birds, sublicide is a term used to describe the brutal murder of a sibling, for the sole purpose of simply surviving. If there are less mouths to feed, the surviving mouth gets fed more, obviously.
By Ashley Alleyne Van-De-Cruize 6 years ago in Motivation
Love is blind
Let’s get this clear it’s not you it’s them. I’m going to talk about this as I have heard a lot from comments from people who blame themselves for this stuff. There are many different things that happen in relationships but when you are dealing first hand with a Nark this will change the game and you need to relies is that you are not dealing with a normal person Narcissists cheat and lie they are masters in manipulation and betrayal it’s what they do. Let’s look a bit deeper here take out the F$#*&in crap and get down to it a Narcissist is selfish they crave attention, validation to be admired that’s why they cheat because they need to always feel wanted, they’re very self-focused right, they only care about themselves, they don’t necessarily even care about their children except to be used as pawns in a cover of some fake life that their leading and to also look as though they care its bullshit. Yep true story peeps, they’re demanding to what they want to do, it’s their time, it’s their schedule. When you get involved with a Narcissist of course you’re got no idea they are a Narcissist because when you meet them the mask is on. But when you get involved with someone that it just seems too good to be true it probably is way too good to be true. You thought that they love you and that’s the real crap part as we put our soul into this stuff. So how could he cheat you? This was the one, this is your soulmate, and this is the man/women of your dreams, Blah, Blah, and Yeah we get it. How could you think that the person you have given your all to could be like this, he’s with me all the time, he’s never with someone else. Well, that isn’t always true. And depending on how skilled your Narcissist is in this cheating and lying game, they may have spent decades hiding what they’ve done. And generally not just with one other person this is generally a pattern of what they do. They can tell you they love you and you think things are great or you may be working on things and a Narcissist will be starting a whole new relationship with another at the same time and with modern technology this has been made even easier with snapchat, Facebook and all the other social media platforms out there. It’s not about you it’s about them they cannot be honest with themselves let alone anyone else and trust me peeps the sooner you step off this rollercoaster turn off the spin cycles and step the f&*$ off the better life will be.
By Mel Bennett6 years ago in Motivation
Serenade to the World
Take a minute to close your eyes. What is the first thing that comes to your mind? Do you think about something that makes you happy? Do you think about a loved one? Do you worry? Do you feel scared and lonely? Do you feel empowered? Do you think about the past? You most likely allow your mind to recede to the buzz of thoughts you were fidgeting in right before this. And that's okay. These stagnant moments in the world are meant to put a halt in time to reflect and sink into retrospection. Explore every angle of the spectrum of your emotions. Do whatever it is you've been meaning to get to. But most importantly, catch up with yourself and stop trying to race against the passage of time. Stop and lose yourself in nothingness. Allow yourself to do nothing. Break free from the constant pressure and expectations around you and do not feel bad for getting distracted. Feed your mind with these instances where the universe is openly giving you the privilege of extra time. Nourish your soul with these bountiful lapses. Detoxify your heart with forgiveness and love. Do nothing, because there is an endless horizon of something in nothingness.
By Mischa Shebib6 years ago in Motivation
Coronavirus Life
What will we be like after this? A real live sci-fi movie in our life time. Humanity is on the line. While “world leaders” having poker games with human chips. A dice roll for life? Is this a thining of the herd? Are we all being set up for an even bigger take down? What kind of sick magic trick is this?
By Mr. Furthermoore 6 years ago in Motivation
