Surprise Genius

1

Albert Shepley paced up and down his boss’ hallway. He knew how important this meeting was for his career and if he messed it up…

Don’t think like that, Albert thought.

Albert had been working at Game Show Studios for three and a half years. He started right out of college as a production assistant on Disaster Strikes, the second most popular game show in the world, but that was over now. Thinking like a true businessman, Albert made friends with the executive producers of the show and- as a favor for all his hard work- they were able to get him a meeting with the head of the studio, Mr. Marshall.

Mr. Marshall was a titan of the game show industry. Those who knew him would say, “No one can stand shoulder-to-shoulder with Mr. Marshall”, though it wasn’t clear if this was a compliment or a dig at his smaller stature.

Albert had seen that the man was below-average height and he also knew enough to never bring it up, especially around Mr. Marshall. In preparation of this meeting, Albert had been making an effort the last few days to eliminate words and phrases such as: tiny, little bit, and coming up short from his vocabulary. Albert felt prepared but, just to make sure, he was flipping through his most-prized possession, a small black notebook that held all his best ideas.

Albert peeked at the analog clock in the hallway and struggled to read it, so he looked at his phone instead. 12:59...one minute. This was Albert’s big break. He was about to pitch original game show ideas to the most powerful man in the industry. Albert watched as his phone’s clock changed to 1:00 PM and as it did, Mr. Marshall’s door swung open.

“Come in.”

2

The meeting was not going well. Albert had burned through three of his best ideas and was absolutely floundering. Mr. Marshall didn’t see the potential in shows like, Is It Fish?, Electricity City, and Nut Punch. Albert could tell he was losing the small man’s attention and he had to impress him quickly.

“Hang on, sir. Just give me one second…” Albert stammered as he flipped through the pages of his small black notebook. Car Crash? No, that’s too dangerous, Albert thought, The Color Blue? No, too childish. Albert got to the last page of his notes and inspiration struck.

Of course!

Mr. Marshall looked as bored as a child in a school assembly but Albert knew this would wake him up.

“Surprise Genius!” Albert exclaimed.

Mr. Marshall leaned forward in his chair.

“Go on.” he said.

Albert knew he had him.

“So, it’s a mix of Billy on the Street and Who Wants to Be a Millionaire,” he started, “and we run up to random people on the street and give them ten impossibly difficult trivia questions.”

“Clever. How do we keep it interesting?” Mr. Marshall asked.

“Every correct answer is worth two-thousand dollars.” Albert answered, “These questions are so hard, people will have trouble even answering one. But,” Albert continued, “they will think they have a chance because we make the questions multiple choice.”

“A twenty-five percent chance to get two-thousand dollars on the spot,” Mr. Marshall paused. Albert couldn’t tell if Marshall was choosing his next words carefully or was just gassy.

“I love it.” Mr. Marshall continued, “I want to do a test-run for this tomorrow. I’ll give you twenty-thousand dollars right now and I want you to put a team together.”

“Seriously?!” Albert exclaimed, “Mr. Marshall, thank you so much for this opportunity!”

Marshall took out his checkbook and wrote one out for twenty-large. He handed the check to Albert but did not let go.

“Now, Albert” said Mr. Marshall, “We run a business here. This money is for you to fund a production crew. I don’t want to spend any more on this show than what I’m giving you right now. Do you understand?”

Albert replied, “Absolutely, sir. These questions are so difficult; no one will be able to answer any of them! Plus, I have a secret up my sleeve to confuse anyone who could answer them.”

Mr. Marshall smiled. “I look forward to seeing your test show.”

Mr. Marshall let go of the check.

3

Albert could not believe what he was doing. He was in the middle of Manhattan with a camera crew, twenty-thousand dollars, and a microphone. He was about to host the inaugural episode of the soon-to-be hit game show, Surprise Genius!

Albert’s current task was finding the first contestant for his show. He was watching as the people of New York flooded past him, looking for the perfect person.

Don’t choose anyone who looks too smart. Albert thought, No one with glasses. No C-Level executive types. Must be attractive enough for TV. Albert ran through his shallow mental checklist.

Maybe a college student? They’re usually dumb.

As this last thought passed through Albert’s mind, he saw someone who met his superficial criteria. She was a college-aged girl. She had a Starbucks cup in her hand, a Balenciaga sweater, and Birkenstock boots.

She’s perfect. Albert thought.

4

Albert prepared his camera crew and they got in to position. They hid behind the corner of a building and were going to jump out at her- the “Surprise!” in Surprise Genius. The girl turned the corner and Albert shouted.

“Surprise Genius!”

The girl screamed in shock and threw her Starbucks behind her, hitting a man who appeared to be walking to work. Luckily, this man had been jaded from years of New York buffoonery and was unphased by a little coffee getting on his suit.

“Welcome to our brand new game show, Surprise Genius!” Albert addressed the camera. “I am standing here with-” Albert pointed the microphone at the girl.

“Sarah” she said, still slightly shocked.

“Sarah,” Albert continued, “and she has the opportunity to win twenty-thousand dollars right here! Sarah, do you want to win twenty-thousand dollars?”

“Of course!” Sarah brightened up and smiled at the camera. She was starting to grasp that she was going to be on TV.

Albert explained the rules of the show to her and they signed all the forms necessary for someone to appear on TV. The show could begin.

Albert was nervous as can be when he asked the first question. God, I hope this works.

“Sarah, for two-thousand dollars: Who was the head of the United States Federal Reserve from 1987-2006?” He then listed the answers, “ A, Bruce Wayne. B, Greg Gumbel. C, Ben Bernanke. Or D, Alan Greenspan.”

Sarah appeared flummoxed.

Yes! Albert thought, Mr. Marshall is going to love this.

Sarah continued to ponder for another minute before Albert interrupted.

“We will need an answer, Sarah.”

“Hmm, I am going to go with D, Alan Greenspan.”

Son of a- “That’s….correct.” Albert said with melancholy- which is an unusual emotion for a game show host.

Sarah celebrated. She was two-thousand dollars richer.

Lucky guess, Albert thought. My plan is foolproof. She won’t get another answer.

Albert went into the second question. Then the third and the fourth. Sarah was getting every single answer correct.

Albert was sweating bullets and nearly in tears.

So, twenty thousand dollars for the crew and now four right answers. Albert calculated in his head, The show’s already eight-thousand dollars over our budget. This is not good.

Sarah was dancing in the street and a crowd was forming around her as Albert asked for a break.

Albert wiped his forehead and his cameraman came up to him.

“This is pretty incredible.” he said.

“Yeah, it sure is something…” Albert replied, sickened.

“Hey, man,” the cameraman began, “I don’t want to tell you how to do your job but maybe you should, like, smile more.”

Albert put his head down.

“Also, did you notice all the answers to your multiple-choice questions are D?”

Albert looked at him with intense sadness.

Of course, Albert knew this. It was his foolproof plan. What genius would guess “D” ten times in a row? Only an idiot would do that.

Albert had found that idiot.

5

“I am going to have to stick with what’s working.” Sarah said, “I choose D, Satchel Paige!”

“Correct. Congratulations, you’re a Surprise Genius.” Albert said with absolutely no enthusiasm.

The crowd surrounding the guerrilla game show erupted for the new champion. Sarah was sobbing with joy as she explained just how much twenty-thousand dollars would mean to her and her family. Albert’s show had just changed this girl’s life and he could not be more upset about it.

6

The next day, Albert found himself pacing outside Mr. Marshall’s office again. Twenty-thousand dollars over budget. Lost everything on the first contestant. Every answer was “D”. Albert had been internally berating himself since the show had ended, I am so stupid.

He didn’t have the courage to check what time it was, but knew it had to be 1 o’clock when Mr. Marshall’s door moved.

“Get in here, Albert.”

Albert shamefully entered the office and shrunk- even smaller than Mr. Marshall- as he sat in the chair and fidgeted around. If this is the last chair I sit in as a Game Show Studios employee, Albert thought, I may as well get comfortable.

“I just watched your test show, Albert.” Mr. Marshall started, “The very first contestant won.” Albert squirmed in his seat.

“This was a ‘foolproof’ plan. That’s what you said, right?”

“Yes, sir.” Albert managed to squeak out.

“But not as foolproof as you thought?” Mr. Marshall asked.

“No, sir.” Albert replied.

“Well, Albert, I have only one more question for you.” Mr. Marshall put his hands on his desk and looked down in utter disappointment.

Albert could barely breathe as he felt his dreams circling down the drain.

Mr. Marshall looked up from the desk with an enthusiastic beam.

“Did you name the show after yourself?”

“Wh- What?” Albert breathed.

“Surprise Genius!” Mr. Marshall exclaimed, “Because that’s what you are, son!”

Albert couldn't believe what he was hearing.

“You let that girl win. Everyone loves an underdog…genius.” Mr. Marshall continued, “Being an absolute mopey, loser of a host...genius!”

Mr. Marshall was naming Albert’s perceived failures as if they were massive successes.

“I’m so sick of the happy-go-lucky game show host. You really flipped that trope on its head!” Mr. Marshall looked at Albert with the gaze of a proud father.

“You really surprised me, Albert.”

“Thank you, sir.”

“I want ten more episodes done, ASAP. Can you do it?”

“Absolutely, sir.” Albert replied.

“Well,” Mr. Marshall gestured, “get to it.”

And he showed Albert the door.