Supporting People with Tinnitus
Learn how to support your spouse, partner, friend.
Living with Tinnitus and Hyperacusis can be very challenging. Tinnitus is when a person hears phantom sounds coming from their ear-brain. It can be ringing, buzzing, whooshing, pulsing, a high tone or a low tone. The thing is, no-one else can hear it except the person who has tinnitus. The medical professionals have no exact, concrete evidence as to what causes tinnitus but there are many theories. Some of the theories are age, hearing loss, loud noise, stress, high blood pressure, damage to the hairs in your ears. It becomes very frustrating for the patient to not know what caused their condition.
Many people with tinnitus have to alter their lifestyles. They are advised to not attend loud concerts or movie theaters and to stay away from really loud environments because loud noise can increase the volume of the ringing in your ears. Patients are also advised to decrease salt, alcohol, refined sugars and caffeine. There are also many other ideas floating around that insinuate certain things can make tinnitus worse. For example, high oxalate diets, inflammation, eating processed foods. The truth is, each person is different. It's kind of hit and miss. You literally have to experiment to find out what your triggers are. How do I know? I just passed the two year mark for being diagnosed with tinnitus, hyperacusis and mild-moderate hearing loss. I know first hand how challenging it can be to live with this.
Being in a relationship, a marriage or just being a supportive friend or family member may be challenging. Not only is living with tinnitus challenging for the patient, it is challenging for the people who live with them, date them or are just trying to be a good friend to them. You have to remember that the patients lifestyle has been altered in most cases. Although their brain will eventually habituate to the sound, they still need to avoid certain environments, may give up going to those movies and concerts you actually love and still want to go to. Some people can wear earplugs and still attend these functions without being bothered, but most can't. Talk to your partner, let them know you understand what they are going through but you'd still like to be able to do certain things. Don't pressure them to do it, just compromise so you can still go and they feel comfortable about it. Also, do not place guilt on the person with tinnitus because they can't go with you. Saying things like, "Bummer, I really want you to go with me" or "that sucks, I wish we could go". Reality is that they may not be able to go but you can still go. You just have to communicate with each other and be comfortable with that decision.
A few helpful ways you can be supportive are:
. Be their calm, keep your voice gentle, don't try to fix them. Offer kind words to let them know you are simply there if they need you.
. Protect your partner from overload. Stress can be a trigger for a spike in tinnitus. If you notice your partner getting upset, working too hard, getting frustrated, give them a gentle reminder to slow down and take a break. Refrain from getting into arguments. Arguments will cause stress and anxiety that increases tinnitus spikes. Learn to sit down and talk things out calmly.
. Don't try to fix them. Medically, there is no cure yet for tinnitus. Instead of trying to fix them, giving advice or logic, use phrases like, "I understand how hard this must be for you", "is there anything I can do to help you feel better right now?" "I am here for you."
. Remind the person that they are strong. Living with constant noise in ones' head can be tiring, frustrating and stress inducing. They have to learn to be strong to live with that every day. Find opportunities to remind them of how strong they are. You can use phrases like, "I think you are so strong and doing great managing your tinnitus", "I admire your strength", I know this is hard but you are doing a great job." Simple words of encouragement go a long way and helps to keep the person calm.
When you truly care and/or love a person, it is important to understand what they are going through and how you can truly help. Again, each person is uniquely different so their needs will be different. Little things you can do may be things like offer to go for a walk with them, go to the gym together or find a hobby you both like that won't trigger a tinnitus spike. Little things like make them a cup of calming tea, help with the housework, draw them a bath. If you know the little things that your person likes, that also calms them, facilitate those for them.
The bottom line is that the best ways to support a person living with tinnitus, hyperacusis and sudden hearing loss is to openly communicate with them, discuss things calmly without arguing or increasing anxiety and stress, listen to them without judgement. Find activities to do that are calming for both of you. Find activities that are still fun for both of you. Reassure the person that you are there for them and even though you can't possibly know exactly what they are going through, you are willing to learn as much as you can so you can help them through the rough spots.
For the person living with tinnitus, I promise it eventually gets easier. My first four to six months felt like a nightmare, then one day I just forgot it was there. I finally reached the point where I became used to it being there and always being in my background. Of course there are days where it feels unbearable but those are the days I remember my strength and courage. Those are the days that I tell myself that it will eventually calm down. Those are often the days I need to be comforted. Remember to ask for comfort if you need it, stay calm and de-stress. You are stronger than you know.
Written by: Suzanne McGaughey
About the Creator
Sue McGaughey
I worked 25 years in special education primarily doing behavior management. Writing has always been my passion. As a child I started writing to express my feelings. I had my first poem published when i was 12 yrs old.
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Comments (1)
Another great article by Sue McGaughey. Sue describes her experience with tinnitus from both a personal standpoint and from her academic and work experience in psychology. Sue has worked with troubled kids as a behavioral expert and special needs teacher. Her gifted talents in psychology are a great match as well as is her personal experience with her tinnitus are a great match for those looking for help and guidance because of their tinnitus. Sue also does great work bringing folks without tinnitus a much better understanding of the condition.