I read a post this morning from one of those girl's girl motivational Facebook pages that randomly showed up in my feed - you know the ones. They post an image of a girl doing something like twirling on a beach with a huge smile or walking down a road with her arms outstretched like she's a southwest airplane ready to take off. These pages share tidbits of one size fits all advice to inspire women in a neat little package that often sounds good but lacks context, substance, and wiggle room. It's an all or nothing world view of what I often feel is toxic positivity. This morning's post was no different.
"Stay in your lane. If you're good at eating cheese and binge watching shows on Netflix. Stay in your lane."
the entire post was like that.
"If you're good at being a stay at home mom drinking whiskey on the rocks and binge watching true crime shows. Stay in your lane."
"If you like grabbing a Starbucks and strolling through the magnolia home section at Target. Stay in your lane."
The more I read, the more times "stay in your lane" was used in this post, the more I felt my brow furrowing into it's WTF lines.
And that was it - that was the post. No tidbit of wisdom to tie it all together - just a list of "stay in your lane". I was left irked.
Why am I confined to any lane just because I like certain things? Why do I have to stay in this so called lane - can I not explore other lanes? Is that not allowed? What about road improvements and developments to my lane - are we going to talk about that?
The post seems to imply that it's more than ok to sit on your butt and watch your Netflix or true crime shows and eat your cheese or your donuts and accept that as what you're good at. Listen, I love cheese and donuts and whiskey and true crime shows and crappy all-in-good-fun programing on Netflix as much as the next girl - but are we really saying that is the level of contentment we should pursue? If that's what we're good at that's where our focus should be? Again, what about the road improvements and developments to this lane I'm supposed to stay in? Can I not be more than the things I occasionally enjoy? Why in 2025 are we trying to divide and separate and box women up into these so called lanes and telling them to stay there?
The entire post seems to suggest that we, as women, should confine ourselves to these little lanes and be content. While I certainly agree with and support one being happy with who they are and absolutely embrace their authentic selves I also strongly believe that exploration of the varying aspects of life is key to coming to love who we are, building on that foundation, and developing empathy and compassion for others. If we never spend time in someone else's lane how can we bridge gaps with understanding, compassion, empathy, respect, and love? I don't know a single woman who's lane is one thing - all the women I know have multiple lanes that twist and turn with the seasons. We all have our talents and our strengths, but I wouldn't say that any of those is binge watching and eating cheese - although I do have a friend who is rather epic at building a charcutier table that the rest of us are very good at helping to devour. I appreciate my friends because their lanes are different. The world needs less compartmentalization, especially among women. It takes a village cannot be a reality that we live in when we are pushing the narrative of "this is your lane, stay in it".
There is also the issue of the tone of "accept your lot in life" within the post that seems to deny one the opportunity to be more than the Starbucks strolling target mom. "Stay in your lane" might as well say "don't pursue your silly dreams, Netflix and cheese is what you're good at. Stay there". That's not girl's girl energy. Girl's girl energy says, if you have dreams chase them and I am here to cheer you on! Widen your lane, add on new sections, plant daffodils and daisy's by the roadside! It also says - you don't have to pick a lane, you can use my lane if you need to, and how can I help you make your lane better. It does not say "stay in your lane".
Perhaps the post would have resonated better if it said "Like what you like!" or "enjoy what you enjoy" while talking about how we shouldn't fear the judgement of strangers for liking our little treaty treat fancy coffees and our long slow strolls through Target and stating that "not everyone is going to like what you like, and that's ok". It also needed to state that we can have deep connections with other people who think and feel and enjoy different things and how important it is to appreciate and respect other people's differences and model that for our daughters in a world that increasingly tries to divide us.
Stay in your lane.
No! No, I rightly won't, and you're welcome to use my lane if you need to, and I'll help you make yours better if you need a hand.
About the Creator
Ellie Hoovs
Breathing life into the lost and broken. Writes to mend what fire couldn't destroy. Poetry stitched from ashes, longing, and stubborn hope.
My Poetry Collection DEMORTALIZING is out now!!!: https://a.co/d/5fqwmEb
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“He Kept Going When No One Was Watching — And That Changed Everything”
No one ever noticed the days he almost gave up. There were no messages asking if he was okay. No one wondered why he became quieter. No one asked how much effort it took just to keep going. To the world, he was just another ordinary man. His name was Ayaan. Ayaan’s life didn’t collapse in one dramatic moment. It slowly faded. Missed opportunities. Rejected ideas. Silent disappointments. Every failure was small, but together they became heavy. He had dreams once. Big ones. Dreams that kept him awake at night, imagining a future where his hard work would finally matter. But over time, those dreams began to feel unrealistic—almost embarrassing. People around him seemed to move forward effortlessly. They celebrated promotions, achievements, and milestones. Ayaan watched from the side, smiling politely while feeling invisible. At work, his efforts were ignored. Among friends, his voice faded. At home, expectations weighed heavily on him. Slowly, a dangerous thought settled into his mind: “Maybe I’m not good enough.” That thought followed him everywhere. It followed him on crowded buses. It followed him into sleepless nights. It followed him every time he tried again and failed. One night, after scrolling through endless success stories online, Ayaan closed his phone and stared at the dark ceiling. His chest felt tight, not because of pain—but because of exhaustion. He whispered quietly, “How long do I keep trying?” There was no answer. But that night, Ayaan made a decision—not a loud one, not a confident one. A tired decision. He decided to keep going, even if nothing changed. The next morning felt the same. The same routine. The same doubts. The same fear of wasting his life. But Ayaan showed up anyway. He worked when no one praised him. He studied when no one guided him. He practiced when no one believed in him. Some days, motivation disappeared completely. On those days, discipline took over. He reminded himself: “I don’t need applause. I need progress.” Weeks passed. Nothing dramatic happened. No sudden success. No recognition. No miracle. But something subtle began to shift. Ayaan became calmer under pressure. He learned to sit with discomfort instead of running from it. He stopped comparing his journey to others. The silence that once scared him now became his training ground. Months later, a serious problem appeared at his workplace. It was complicated, risky, and easy to blame on someone else. Most people avoided it. Some pretended it wasn’t their responsibility. Ayaan didn’t announce himself. He didn’t seek attention. He simply started working. Late nights. Mistakes. Corrections. Learning. There were moments he wanted to quit. Moments when fear whispered, “You’re not ready.” But he answered back, “I’ll learn.” Slowly, the problem began to disappear. Not perfectly—but steadily. People noticed, quietly. One afternoon, his manager called him into the office. Ayaan expected criticism. Instead, he heard a question that stunned him: “Where did you learn all this?” Ayaan paused. How could he explain years of silent effort? How could he explain working when no one cared? He simply replied, “I kept going.” That moment didn’t change his life overnight. He didn’t become famous. He didn’t suddenly become successful. But it changed something far more important. His belief in himself. For the first time, Ayaan understood that life doesn’t always reward effort immediately. Sometimes, it watches. It watches who continues without praise. Who improves without recognition. Who grows in silence. Years later, Ayaan looked back at the version of himself who almost quit. The man who felt invisible. The man who thought no one was watching. And he smiled. Because he finally understood the truth: Life was always watching. Not to judge. Not to rush. But to see if he would keep going when it was hardest. The world doesn’t reward those who only work when they’re seen. It rewards those who build strength in silence. And sometimes, the moment that changes everything doesn’t come with applause. It comes quietly. After patience. After effort. After consistency. That is when everything finally begins to change. Final Message Keep going—even when no one is watching. Especially then.
By Inayat khan5 days ago in Motivation
Comments (1)
This "stay in your lane" tweet is reductionist and limiting, which calls for stasis and not expansion.:) So, they want us to just watch Netflix and 'play the happy, crazy idiots' who accept everything and don't think critically? They must be drunk. :)