Sometimes You Just Have to be Done...

Sometimes you just have to be done.

Something triggered me yesterday. Heart breaking, dream crushing news got me bad. And I wanted to curl up in a ball, hide in the dark, and the thought of never coming out of the blankets occurred to me as a really brilliant idea. How genius, if I stay here in bed forever, I will never have any problems again. I wont have to deal with the current problems I do have. I am so smart, SMRT. Seriously though... the world keeps turning. Sometimes I'm not exactly sure how, but it does.

But this emotional rollercoaster ride got me thinking HARD. If this is how I felt yesterday, if this feeling of defeat came to me so readily, so easily, how many other people feel the same way on a daily? How many other people are done? 2020 has been a whirlwind... for lack of better (or worse) words. And I want to tell you all the answers to the secret of pure happiness. Unfortunately for us all, I do not have those answers. I do however, have words of wisdom, passed on on to me by wiser people. Do you have a roof over your head? Do you have food in your belly? Do you have hot water? Do you have clean drinking water? Do you have people you can call friends? Do you have love? Do you have good memories? Think about those for a moment.

So yeah, sometimes you just feel defeated. Regardless of the oh so wonderful things you may have in your life.

It doesn't necessarily mean you're giving up. It purely means, you're giving up in this moment, for a brief time, right now. Because sometimes, you just have to be done. Not mad, not upset, not annoyed or frustrated, just done.

Done with the rotten cards life is dealing you, done with the bad luck (if you believe in that sort of thing, leprechauns and rainbows and gold and all), done with feeling pressured, done with breaking down and literally getting no where.

It can be hard to admit it. To admit defeat. To show anyone, your closest relatives, your life partner, your forever friends, just how down and done you are. It can be the most difficult thing you've ever had to do, to just say "I'm not okay". But there may come a point one day, when you just can't see how carrying on is an option.

Is it work? Is it relationships? Is it dieting? Is it money? Is it something that might be "silly" to someone else and in your overworked brain it has amounted to something so large you cannot see how anyone else in your world could possibly help you carry this news, this burden, this weight on their shoulders alongside you? They just wouldn't understand. Well, that's pretty judgey of you - how about give them a chance. Speaking of chances, chances are, someone you speak to has been in a similar situation or they may know of someone else that has and could possibly help. Mum, dad, brother, sister, bestie, partner, girlfriend, boyfriend, acquaintance, friend, relative, the dog walker you see in the park everyday, the busker making $5 a day with the coolest drum beats you've ever heard, the neighbors you say good morning to every time you collect your mail. There are people around you. There are help lines, there are groups, there are strangers that will open their ears. Chance it. CHANCE IT. It’s probably better than the alternative.

Whoever you are, I sincerely hope you never, EVER, feel this way. But if you do, if it happens to be now, if it happens to be 5 years ago or 10 months from today, it is OKAY to be done. For a day, maybe a week. But not forever. Because forever is an awfully long time. And there is an awful lot of living to be done that in fact doesn’t have to be awful at all.

Lets pull ourselves out. Lets work together. Lets find a solution. Lets not just put this aside so it comes back another day. Lets get there, to a better day, where you wake up and whether the sun is shining or not, you feel inside, like waking up is a good idea today.

How? I'll be honest, I have ZERO, ZILCH, NIL idea. But here's what I'm going to do, when I'm defeated like I am this week. Because guess what? Full time Van Life in the middle of a pandemic in the country that is not your "home" is bloody hard work. My Instagram account, along with countless others, makes it look blissfully adventurous. I promise you, it most certainly is not that easy. Oh how I wish it were.

So, I'm going to watch The Day After Tomorrow (2004, starring Dennis Quaid and Jake Gyllenhaal), because yes, even though it's an action, adventure, sci-fi made up movie... I definitely do not have problems like those guys. Then I'm going to eat whatever makes me happy, probably a whole block of Cadbury crunchie chocolate, and I mean a WHOLE block and I'm not even going to feel bad or sad about it. I'll walk it off. Because that's what I'm doing next, I'm going for a long walk in nature. I'm going to spread my arms out wide when the wind tries to blow me off my course and I'm going to hoot and holler out loud at the top of my lungs because damn, it feels good. I'm going to smile at strangers. Because a smile can go a long, long, loooong, very long way. I may not feel like smiling right now, but hey, I know 100% that someone else I walk past could be having a much worse time than I am. And that doesn't mean my problems aren't valid, because hell yeah they are. This is my life and right now it's not going how I planned. BUT that also doesn't mean I can't help someone else in the process. Maybe my smile saved a life today. Maybe your smile saves a life tomorrow. THEN, I'm going to re-group. Drink a lot of water. And I'm going to make a plan and I'm going to do my absolute best to stick to it. Although, as previously stated, plans do not always go as, well, planned, sometimes it is out of our control. Remember that please, you cannot control everything in your life. Learn to let it go. I don't care how much it frustrates you, I don't care how much it sucks. As the saying goes, it is what it is. My new plan starts by telling someone what's in my head. I'm not a burden, I am not an inconvenience, I am not asking them to carry the weight of my issues on their shoulders for me. I simply need to unload a little off my chest and tell someone I am not currently okay. This will then result in either someone telling me to suck it up, or someone telling me that everything is going to be alright. I'll take either one really. Then I'll have a gin, maybe a cider, but two is where I will stop. Because there's no point, and I seriously mean it, there is NO point spiraling down that hole. If you do, and you can't climb your way out, well you've just gone and done something to make a whole lot of a crappy day an even worse day, possibly days, months, years. Well done to you sir (said no one ever). Stop at two. OH and I'll have a seriously long hot shower in the dark, with music on and I'll sing to my hearts content. The neighbors can complain all they like. I know my shower voice is angelic.

It's not everyone's answer. But it's something of a start. My point here is it's okay to not be entirely okay. It’s ok to do something for you. To do small things that make you a little happier or a little more at ease with whatever situation it is you’re going through. Write a small list of activities that you enjoy doing, and do them. Here’s some examples if you’re struggling:

Bake, cook, swim, surf, shop (online depending on where you’re living and what possible lockdown state you may be in), call a friend and have a good old chin wag, read, walk, draw, paint, watch movies, play an instrument, pamper yourself by cutting and cleaning your nails and maybe even a facial, run, take a long warm shower, take a bath, listen to music, snuggle up with your partner, play video games, exercise, honestly this list can go on and on. Do something that makes you feel good. You know the feeling of the sun warming your face on a cold day? That “oh-this-is-nice” feeling? That kind of feeling.

And we can all use a helping hand. Put your pride aside. Put your insecurities aside. Let’s get to the bottom of what's getting you down, I genuinely want to help people turn their frowns upside down. What is it that's going to make your day slightly less unbearable? I urge you to just do it. There is an answer out there somewhere. Search for it, find it. Do not give up. It's so important to just not give up.

Two quotes that really resonate with me, “The best views come after the hardest climbs” and “You do not have to have it all figured out to move forward”. (Authors unknown...) If it doesn’t resonate with you, do your own search and find some positive quotes that do, live by them. Whenever you’re feeling done and defeated, carry them with you and read them to remind yourself it may not be okay right now, but it will be. It WILL be okay.

UK emotional support lines

Samaritans - Telephone: 116 123

Email: [email protected]

Website: www.samaritans.org

Support Line - Telephone: 01708 765200

E-mail: [email protected]

Website: www.supportline.org.uk

Papyrus UK - Telephone: 0800 068 41 41

Email: [email protected]

Text: 07786 209697

Website: www.papyrus-uk.org

AUS emotional support lines:

Kids helpline - Telephone: 1800 55 1800

Website: www.kidshelpline.com.au

Lifeline - Telephone: 13 11 14.

Website: www.lifeline.org.au

SANE Australia - Telephone: 1800 18 7263

Website: www.sane.org