SILENCING THE BEAST

“Stop!!!! I can’t take it anymore! Please leave me be!”

With my pulse pounding in my ears, I tried to scream silently as the beast tried to put his terrifying claws on my head, digging deep into my brain.

“Let me go please!!!” I desperately begged the beast. But the menacing aura surrounding me paralyzed my whole being. I felt so helpless; trapped in the terror that is constantly lurking. And this my friends, is the secret I want to share with you tonight.

I would like to confess that I’ve been battling with a monstrous beast for a long time. One evening, a silent whisper woke me in my sleep. The whisper became louder. The monster screamed into my ears “I have you now!”, I felt paralyzed, the muscles in my body were so tensed and my brain keeps on running thoughts trying to escape the grip of the monster. I tried to close my eyes, hoping that by doing so the monster will leave me. I was wrong. Until my body can’t take it anymore, with no more energy to fight, I closed my eyes, but was awaken by the buzzing tone of my phone alarm. I noticed the clock and its already time to prepare for work. With only a few hours of sleep, I went on my daily life, but I know deep down that despite of the chatters and babbling around me, I can still feel that it had never let go of its grip; it’s burning claws scratching me. Days and nights had passed, I succumbed to its power. I felt trapped. I let the beast take control over my plans, my goals, and my relationships. Until one day….

Despite the debilitating pain and sorrow, I gathered all of my strengths and confronted the beast.

“Please let me go! I can’t take this anymore! Each day I wake up felt like a struggle, I don’t want this life anymore.” I enumerated all the plans I forego, the opportunities I missed, and the conflicts in my relationships, all of which were from the effect of the beast’s mighty grip over my life.

Frightened for the possible response, I was surprised to see a smirked in the beast’s face and with a soft voice it whispered “Oh dear, I am just simply manifesting what you are constantly feeding me.” My limbs went numb; I fell to the ground in disbelief. I tried to check for some sense in what this monster is telling me. “What? … When? …. How?....” Despite drowning in my own fear, I courageously asked for the monster’s name, because knowing who I am fighting with will give me the edge in this battle. With so much courage I asked “ “What’s your name beast?” The monster replied with pride, “I am the Beast of Perfection”. Upon hearing this, I felt a lump inside my throat, babbling for words to say, hearing the monster’s name, memories flashed through my mind. Now I remember, and in disbelief I can’t accept the fact, that I was the one who created this beast.

I remember the time when I chose to delay submission of some of my proposals at work. I know my ideas were good, but I wanted it to be PERFECT. Thus I procrastinated. In my desire to submit the “perfect” proposal I missed deadlines and eventually, missed a promotion. I also recalled the time when I forego of some plans and goals, like those plans you have every new year. I told myself, “when the perfect time comes, I will do this, I will achieve that, I will go there”, and lo and behold, I achieved so little then. I was so afraid to try new things and to explore new challenges, because I fear to be criticized. My “good” public image might be ruined. Remembering all of these made me realized that I was the main culprit of my miserable life. I gave life to this beast and constantly fed it with my self-doubt and paranoid thinking that nobody will accept or love the imperfect me.

I reckoned now what people said about knowing the true identity of your enemy will give you the power to win the battle. Now that I can see clearly who I am fighting with, I decided to face my demon. From that moment forward, I was able to devise three strategies on how to silence this beast.

First and for me, the most vital tactic to defeat this beast is thru self-awareness. Identifying what triggers this beast and its usual M.O. gives me the upper hand. Whenever I feel trap into my web of thoughts, and I can feel that I am having a difficulty in choosing because I have so many ideas or options, to most people it’s called analysis paralysis, and this was triggered usually by the very high standards that I set for myself and my outputs. Like this one time, I prepared a proposal, complete with all of my best ideas that will help my department to get ahead of the competition, but I felt it was still lacking the PERFECT TITLE. Knowing that it is the Perfection Beast in action, I take control of the situation, refusing to give in to the beast’s trap, I just wrote “FOR YOUR APPROVAL – MARKETING PLAN PROPOSAL”, and hurriedly submitted it to my boss ahead of the deadline. After doing this, I felt RELIEVED!!!! It felt like I punched the beast so hard that it can’t move anymore. I won that battle.

Aside from self-awareness, another strategy to win the battle against the Perfection Beast is giving myself a break; allowing myself to make mistakes. You know friends, this beast will always wrap me inside my self-doubt, that limits what I can do and who I can be. Just recently, a leadership role was offered to me. I was scared to death when I read the message, but I took it as a challenge and here I am now serving my club and at the same time improving my communication and leadership skills. Whenever I hear the beast says “oh don’t try that! YOU’RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH” I turn to the beast and slap it with my “OH YEAH? then WATCH ME win this!”

After winning another battle, the beast will just lurk around, waiting for the right time to strike again. And when that happen and the beast with all its might trying to overpower me, that’s when I use my third strategy; I employ help from others. You see, I have a handful of accountability partners who are well aware of the struggle I constantly face with my Perfection Beast. Whenever they feel the shadow of the beast lurking over me, they will give me a nudge, sometimes a strong push, so I can escape the beast’s trap. Simple message from them like “okay, relax, breath Princess”, “stop overthinking, and just try it first” nudges like these give me morale boost to break the shackles of the Perfection Beast.

So is being a perfectionist bad? Let me be clear, I know that my keen attention to details and striving to be good are part of my good qualities. But we all know that everything not taken into moderation, like setting unreasonable standards that leads to conflicts in your life can quickly turn your strengths to becoming your source of weakness.

In a nutshell, I would like to ask each one of you, what kind of beast have you created? If you are not troubled by the Perfection Beast, maybe you created and is unconsciously feeding the Know-it-All Beast, the Control Freak Beast, or the People Pleaser Beast. There is a horde of monsters that can cripple our dreams, our relationships, and our life in general. And a scary fact, you will be facing this beast every day of your life. So instead of giving it control over your life, take back the rein and lash it out to the beast. My advice is that you try my 3 effective tactics to defeat these beasts: self-awareness, allowing yourself to make mistakes, and seeking help from others. Control your inner demon, and silence the roars of your beast.

“Stop!!!! I can’t take it anymore! Please leave me be.” Now these are the words of the beast I’m trying to slay.

Friends, let’s be assiduous in silencing those beasts!!!!!

xoxo,

Mama Princess