Sick of Your Own Hesitation

For goddamn sake! Just get out and do it already.

As you could maybe already tell, I am indeed really upset.

I kind of hate how I never do the things I want to do most. You ever think about the fact that you might be sitting at home, as your 40-year-old self, still with the same ideas and dreams? While everyone around you seems to just do it. Like come on, Nike even said it first, just do it. Well, maybe... someday... not today. Fuck.

I wish I could tell you how you eventually really, just do it... but this, unfortunately, isn't a "how to" article. This is just an article to increase your doubtful thinking. I may not have the answer to this universal problem, but apparently you also certainly do not. Or maybe you are an absolutely incredible human being. And you actually really just do it. Congrats on you.

We, and I am talking as the majority of the population, are not one of those superman human beings. We hesitate, we sit at home wondering why life is the way it is, we have the idea that we are not fully living our life, and we need motivation. But then I thought to myself, what if I start just doing it? What would happen? I mean, come on, how hard can it be?

So here I went, on my own, to the movies. And to be honest it was great. I sat there, looking at all sorts of people, awkwardly smiling. Trying not to reach for my phone. Had a blast. Watched the movie. Went home and got back to this article. And now, I thought, I do not feel different. It's just several hours later, I watched a new movie, indulged myself with new information, and ate popcorn. Been there, done that. Now what?

My real dreams go far beyond going to the movies alone. But I am just not at that chapter of life where I can just pack my things and leave. So I did step two on my imaginary list of just do it things.

I went out and had dinner by myself. It was way more awkward than going to the movies alone, which is perfectly normal because at the movies you are just staring at a screen with 20 other people for two hours, with no further communication. And at a restaurant that is certainly not the case. You need to communicate, act decent, and entertain yourself.

So I had a drink, and everything went great. But then the moment arrived, the waiter came back for the second time and asked if I wanted to order already or if I was waiting for someone. I got nervous. And I did what every other tense person with a self-doubt problem would do, I laughed overly hard. And for a moment I hesitated and almost told him my date had bailed on me. Why? I hear you think. Because that would have made the situation 100 times worse. Well, I don't know why and where my brain got that stupid idea from. Luckily, I recovered in my moment of weakness, and without anything else to say, I told the blue-eyed waiter I wanted the classic burger with fries. He laughed a little—must have seen the panic in my eyes—and walked away.

My Burger and Fries

I wish I could tell you that this was the moment where I met my soulmate of years and now so called husband. But that fairytale wasn't meant for me. I instead ate my burger and fries, tried avoiding eye contact with the waiter, paid for my overpriced burger, went home, and evaluated the just experienced moments on repeat in my head. How nice.

I definitely feel weird, after all this being weird about normal things. And if the blue-eyed waiter is reading this, you were great. I didn't tip you, but you were great.

The moral of this story? I did not learn much from this experience. But I mean, I just did it, right? And that's exactly what you should do too.

I hear you thinking, "She barely did anything." I know that I didn't buy a Volkswagen and drive around the world, went bungee jumping, or volunteered in South Africa by helping the penguins in need, but I did my best, said yes to new things, and surprised myself. So I'll get there, slowly. And so will you, hopefully quicker than me. ;)

Just do it. What's the worst that could happen?