Patterns and the zombie apocalypse.

Earlier this year I discovered a love of all things patterns. I am not talking about polkadots and stripes, but personal patterns and how they shape us, affect our relationships, and our expectations. The interesting thing about patterns is they are set from birth and childhood, hardwired into us for better or worse. But the thing about patterns, like most things in life, with practice (and practice makes perfect, after all!) we CAN learn how to rewire our brains.

Is it worth it? Learning how to rewire that is. I would give you a resounding yes but it does take work. Your patterns, the patterns of your friends, children, partners, etc. all work together – or don’t – can create support and friction. Let’s be honest here, we acknowledge the friction way more than the support. You know how they say knowing is half the battle? The same is true for patterns – if you are aware of your patterns, you can see where they may shade your expectations or perceptions, which may not be indicative of reality. For example, two partners may have patterns which reflect a different way of showing love and attention to each other. One may begin to feel neglected as a result, feeling as if the other does not meet his or her needs when in actuality, it could just be the result of differing patterns. Patterns are no one’s fault really and it’s nothing personal!

Let’s take the above example of someone’s pattern which makes you feel neglected. Patterns are also there for a purpose, and that purpose is growth. Someone’s conflicting pattern is able to trigger something in us; if we can become aware of this reaction, instead of writing it off as a bad match or lackluster partner, we can challenge ourselves to see what is being triggered and in turn experience growth.

In another example, someone may have a pattern which has a romanticized view of a relationship, looking for a partner to loose oneself in, to be rescued, saved, and finally feel at peace. This may have been reinforced with an unstable home life, caregivers, etc. As an adult, and meeting a partner, this pattern will often lead to chronic feelings of being unfulfilled – and that is fair – no one person can satisfy those longings; in fact, they can only be satisfied internally. But that is another conversation for another time. When friction arises, if the individual is aware of this pattern, they can take a look and identify when they are being triggered. Is their partner really being disappointing? Could this be solved with reflection, introspection and communication?! If you have a basic understanding of said pattern, you are then able to work on them, as they really are potential vehicles for personal growth after all.

Patterns can also be broken down into themes. They impact our instincts, work and home life, areas of destiny, and ideal partner traits. For me? I stem from an unstable childhood. From an early age I dreamt about my boyfriend and I in first grade running away together and never looking back. Mariah Carey’s Always Be My Baby was released when I was 10 years old and that little hopeless romantic girl was full of idealistic intent. But here is where patterns can counteract. I am also fiercely independent and have drive and determination like a Mother. Fast forward 25 years and my ideal partner is not based on unhealthy codependency and my career path is not founded on unpaid emotional labor. A friend of mine introduced me to an App called The Pattern. The Pattern combines knowledge from your date, time, and location of birth and somehow reads you like a book. In my personal breakdown, for the sake of this example, it lists my ideal partner traits as: Complex and Intriguing. I will spare you the full read unless you are actually looking to date me and give you the Cliffs Notes:

I really only share this deeply personal and salacious tidbit with you to understand where you may have patterns working against themselves, Working against your ideal partner. Working against your sacred calling. Your other patterns may lead you to choose unhealthy, dramatic, or unstable partners which would work against accomplishing the goal of your pattern’s ideal partner traits. The choice seems easy, amiright? Choose the pattern for the ideal partner! But like moths to a flame, people who are used to unstable circumstances thus turn towards unstable partners. This is just one example but we are often drawn to things which are unhealthy if we have not worked through these complex issues. Conflict is comforting if you are used to it and humans are creatures of familiarity and comfort. I too have noticed at times flirting with the idea of something which if I stop myself, is otherwise unstable. I force myself to really examine the potential of the situation and see if it fits my “why.” Like mine, your "why" can grow, change, and evolve. Do not fear a changing why. We learn things every day, month, and year which can pivot our why. Growth is key. If we stop growing we are dead. So let’s join the living, shall we? Because the zombie apocalypse is just around the corner. Like 2019, let’s not look back on the Fall of 2020 (pun intended) and think how good we really did have it after all, while we are still in fact living.