Oxygen

I found my true happiness eight years ago when I transitioned from a career in fashion design to bag design. For fifteen years prior, I struggled financially and emotionally as I pursued my dream of becoming the next great womenswear designer. There were the incredible highs of seeing my designs in local and national publications and being interviewed on TV, but those things were not enough to sustain a business. By my 45th birthday, I was suffocating under the weight of debt and lack of sales. Instead of making a wish before blowing out the candles on my cake, I had a talk with God and it went a little like this,

“I’m mad at you! I don’t know how you could lead me on this journey without financial validation. So, God, I need you to show up. I know you would not bless me with these gifts for no reason. I want to honor you with the gifts you’ve blessed me with. Please, just show me what’s next and how I do that.”

Shortly after that talk, my sister offered to pay for me to attend a one-day handbag workshop as a birthday gift. I took it as a sign. For fifteen years I paid pattern makers and seamstresses to turn my sketches into wearable garments because I lacked the skills needed to create flawless samples. Not being able to sew my own collections impeccably made me feel like I was perpetrating a fraud because, in my mind, I was inadequate.

My now negative finances forced me to construct the bags immaculately. My aunt, who attended Fashion Industries High School, showed me how to finesse handbag assembly. I learned about silhouette, construction, and seam allowance and I launched my new accessories line with clutch bags. The bags have a basic, yet sophisticated style that elevates a look to that of the fictional, yet fabulously urbane Alexis Carrington Colby Dexter. For years cutting out leather and fabric pattern pieces and stitching them together on my mother’s trusted sewing machine gave me something that eluded me–confidence. And now there are social media platforms like Facebook and Instagram that don’t require a passport to reach my customer. I used my skills and grew more confident with every stitch while successfully navigating my new entrepreneurial journey. Gradually, YouTube videos gave me the courage to add more shapes to my line. Fashion design is my life’s breath. It’s a love language I speak fluently, a life I live, and the way I see color. Crafting bags, however, broadened my fashion vocabulary by teaching me how to execute my artistic visions in more practical terms. Now, my sewing machine is a vessel, and my scissors, ruler, rotary blade, and pins are instruments that allow me to create functional shapes and connect me to my purpose and passion. I use acrylic paint, leather and canvas, imagery and embroidery, to translate stories that speak to Black and Brown experiences. Each creation contains compressed narratives of empowerment and uplift, but brash or tongue-in-cheek, too. My handcrafted works of art operate as conduits for interesting conversations with strangers who become friends. They can also be a catalyst for understanding.

When I listen to my mother and grand aunt share stories of my great grandmother, who sewed quilts by hand, I know I inherited my talent from my ancestors. I now see that I was born to do exactly what I am doing. My creations give my life direction and purpose, they are my oxygen.