Out Of Place... Not Always Bad

Growing up I loved going to school it was a safe space where everyone in my classroom was my age give or take a few months. However, going to community college not everyone was the same age, especially since I waited five years to continue my higher education. So here I was twenty-two years old at community college and boy let me tell you it was odd sitting in every single course my first year, for everyone was like straight out of high school. Yes, I know there are older people in college now days, but literally all my courses during the first year were filled with students straight out of high school and I felt way out of place. Of course, I noticed right away that I was older, but most of the other students assumed I was their age until I started speaking of personal experiences when the professor would ask for people’s opinions. One guy asked, “well how could you have ten years’ experience in that field if you would have been a kid yourself,” and that was when I realized they thought I was around their age which made me feel good about myself because that meant I still looked young, and yes I know twenty-two is not old but compared to people straight out of high school it showed (some background, yes I was a kid myself, unfortunately, when I had to start working(11)). Over time I found it harder and harder to be able to sit in groups with other people in my class because it just felt odd, here I was twenty-two years old trying to focus on my school work because after my ten hour day of school I had to rush to get to work and most of the time they fooled around and didn’t really care about the group discussions nor had any in-depth information about the subjects. That is when I gave in and one day asked the group I was working with “So did anyone think about this assignment and find any good articles on the subject to help compare the reading?” and they all looked at me like I was the professor scolding them for not preparing for discussion. Then one girl said, “well to be honest I just do the reading in case the professor asks me anything and as far as group discussions it doesn’t really matter if we looked into the subject outside of the reading, for it takes time and its boring… what is the point not like we need to, and the other four people just nodded in agreement”. That is when I had to ask, “so then why are you here?” Some said, “just for the financial aid money” one said, “because they live at home, and it was required for their parents to pay for everything still”, but one did say they just had to many courses to do anything extra” which was understandable. This made me feel like a teacher’s pet as well because I was doing sixteen units and working three jobs, but I still made time to do my work and ensure I can give my opinion on the work with support (looking up outside resources). Over time I felt like the only one in the classroom, for when the professor asked a question, I was the only one to answer and half the time I did not even want to raise my hand, but the professor was waiting for a response, and no one gave one, so I felt obligated to and of course had an answer to give. I thought this made me look bad or like a “Miss Know It All”, but it made it to where people wanted to be paired up with me during projects, but of course I hated doing most the work and didn’t want to fail and when others do not do their part, I needed to have that work done just in case as well, so it was tuff. Knowing that some of these young students were here because it was demanded of them, and the others did not know how much more work college is than high school it was a hell of a learning curve for me to understand the young mind going to college. It did not make me feel any younger! Especially, when I became friends with few classmates and was asked to help them get organized. One told me “You are like my class mom, ensuring I get all my work done… its very helpful”. It was flattering to hear but of course was not helping me especially when I already felt out of place. It was a good feeling to know that I could help in that way but overall, it took a lot to not give in and stop being my good old self and put 100% in on all the work I did knowing that it put me on the spot. So, this feeling of being out of place weighed on my shoulders every day. I felt like I had to make sure I was dressed up (I couldn’t just roll out of bed and look unpresentable… because then I felt like they’d judge me because I’m the old gal in class) when I came to school, especially since I was the one sitting in the front row always willing to participate (which someone told me one day “ you know that makes us all look bad… now we all need to keep up since you’re on top of every assignment”).That is when I realized even though I felt out of place and was because I was older than all other fellow classmates, it was my pleasure to help another change their focus and push them to be better students, especially since college is nothing like high school and required more work. So even though one might think that feeling out of place or not fitting in seems like a stigma it can be an opportunity to let others see that there are different ways of being and that not everyone is going to be the same. This applies to my situation that I wrote about or can apply to anything in life, so do not be afraid if you stand out or are different than anyone or thing around you because it is your opportunity to be seen and stand out… your time to shine, it is kind of a bonus because you stick out and others will notice you.