On Going Home And Why I Waited So Long

Illusions can be powerful.

I lived and worked under one in particular for a long time, completely oblivious.

It kept me in restraint, which stifled, but as per our physiological design controls, bodies and minds do what they do without a command prompt.

They adapt.

Accept a mirage as real.

Because, quite frankly, there are a multitude of other vital bodily processes and functions that require execution on a regular.

Justification finding?

Easy!

This year, a veil was irrevocably torn. Strange, because it never actually existed in the first place, and I stepped through to undiscovered territory that had waited far too long.

A Daughter of the Diaspora, who had never set foot in Afrika, finally did.

Defining moment doesn’t begin to cover it.

Why did I think it required more money, time, visas, and other complications beyond what I could manage? How could I allow this blockage to remain an impediment for nearly two decades?

Hooo chile!

From my youngest years, I would while away hours studying maps. Both distant and familiar places were an endless source of fascination. To this day, I remain captivated by the entreaty conveyed in pictorial form by countries. Yes, a self-confessed cartophile (map lover) here.

After relocating from Bermuda to the UK, Afrika was visibly within striking distance, and I thought to myself, “One day…”

My children were young when I arrived, and of course, they always came first. ‘Mama-mode’ doesn’t relinquish gear easily.

And the years…they did just roll on by.

Sometime in the throes of this past wintry February, a thought-urge surfaced in my mind that overtook me as a decree, “That’s it! Not one more Earthstrong (birthday) will pass before I set foot in the Mama-land.”

Perhaps the push came from a culmination of yearning for lands that held different vegetation and wildlife, aided by countless documentaries and the National Geographic subscriptions I inhaled as a youngster. Or a culture more familiar in its character, cuisine, and customs. Maybe the Ancestors sensed my time in this jurisdiction ending, so their concerns and calls for me to come home intensified.

Whatever the reason, I’m truly glad I heeded.

After a cursory glance at package holiday deals, my “illusion” source became abundantly clear. I grew up in the most expensive place to live on the planet. That conditioning had a lifetime to develop and establish pretty deep-set roots. Apart from the United States East Coast, travel further afield became way pricier. I’d been wearing “badly tinted travel glasses” that did not allow me to see just how far I could reach now.

For a little over £385 ($518), I booked a return flight, traditional riad with breakfast and dinner included (x 4 days), day trip to the coast, return airport transportation with luggage, and then succeeded in having my proverbial world rocked in Marrakech and Essaouira, Morocco.

My eyes could not stop gazing everywhere. The mountains. The skyline. The melange of ancient practices and modern technologies in the medina. Feral cats that the people cared for with such affection, respect, and normality. The luxurious majesty of my accommodation. Streets where you could become completely lost in one to three turns.

The bubbling geyser inside me broke surface. If I gave in freely to its release, I would laugh, cry, shout, dance, roll on the ground deliriously joyful, and smile uncontrollably.

I’d been curious about this heat, this soil, this air my entire life, yet I did not realize how financially within my reach it had always been after relocation to Britain.

Conditioning is an imaginary, albeit effective border, that requires no camouflage. Full of anticlimax when I crossed over it with such ease. Not a sound.

Elimination of an ingrained belief is not just freeing. It’s highly addictive. Mind expansion increases with no qualms re: limiters. It immediately gets used to this level of living.

I think to myself, “What else is an unseen blinder that I’m not aware of?” I want to grind them all to dust.

Thus, my eyes open a lot wider.

New directions call.

Opportunities await.

Because triumph feels like that. Wide open land and sea with nothing but the wind behind, while you decide where you want to go next.

Thanks so much for taking this reading journey!

Continue to be amazing!

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Originally published in 'The Honest Perspective' at https://medium.com.