On a path to Mental Health!

2020 has been a YEAR.

From Pandemic, to Election, to a small glimmer of light at the end of this long tunnel which is a vaccine and a promise to return to some sort of “normalcy”

I recently lost someone close to me to suicide. It was unexpected. It took me off of my feet. It broke my heart. I am still coming to terms with this new reality without this person. It made me wonder if I did and said the right things, if everyone else did and said the right things, and if there was any way that this tragedy to many could have been prevented. But it also made me search for ways to protect my mental health. Not just because of the impact of the current state of affairs, but also because I have a history of high functioning depression and anxiety myself - I have found tools to help me over the years to manage these things and be able to live with tragedy and loss. It made me discover that not many people have the tools to face these things, and some of that is because it takes work, hard work, and we all put it off because we will always avoid the things that we SHOULD do because its hard and its work and we could be doing something that is more fun and makes us forget about this hard stuff. I still avoid the work I need to do on myself sometimes, but I do see how far I have come with the work I have done. I wanted to put something together for those that are in a space where they are struggling with something and don’t know where to start.

Get up. That's this first thing. Just get up! Go start your day. Tell yourself you will start a routine starting TODAY. You don’t need to wait until the start of a new year, or a new month, or a new week. You can literally start this very minute. Go wash your face, brush your teeth, get dressed, make your bed. Choose between getting a coffee OR going out for a walk first. Start that as your routine. Then maybe add something for the next morning that you get up - maybe that is not doom scrolling through social media first thing, but doing a 5 minute meditation instead. Maybe it’s writing down 5 things you’re grateful for right now or journaling for 5 minutes. I know, I know, I feel like this sounds maybe cliche or like some sort of fluff, but creating a routine first thing to start your day can make such a huge improvement in your life.

Try something new or out of what you usually do - and do it every day. It does not have to be some sort of grand gesture either. Go somewhere you have not been often. Go browse a bookstore and get a book that maybe you would not normally choose. Go pick up a coffee from somewhere you have not been. Make a plan to visit with someone you have not seen in sometime. Decide you want to try that recipe that you saw and make a plan that you’ll go and get the things you need to make it. Want to try painting? Go get some painting supplies and make it a point that for that day - whichever day you choose - that you’re going to paint. Yes, basically, start a hobby or explore a hobby. And then do it again the next day. Promise yourself 20 minutes, and then 30, then an hour.

Look into therapy. There are SO many free resources out there right now if the affordability of a therapist or counsellor is out of reach, that can at least offer a step in the right direction. It just takes a commitment to yourself that you are DONE with life throwing shit at you. A huge thing that has helped me more than ever thought or realised is meditation. I started with an app that offered only one week for free until they wanted to get your money, but it really set HOW to meditate. I discovered some really great free resources that I use everyday now. It can make more of a difference than you think. It has helped me to calm myself down out of panic and anxiety attacks, and keep my focus. Again, it is WORK. All you have to do is start. Do 5 minutes. Learn 5 minutes of breathing techniques.

Know your support systems. Have people in place that you know you would help out and would also help you out. If they would not be willing to speak to you and be supportive when you need it, that should tell you everything you need to know about that relationship. Surround yourself with people that are not assholes. Sometimes this starts with the changes within you - there is truth to like attracts like. I have lived in toxic environments where the person around you is sabotaging your efforts. I grew up with someone who is the definition of a Sociopath! Checked off all those boxes! There are avenues out there that will support you and help you. But get rid of those unsupportive, toxic, life sucking people - get out of their orbit. Once you have a line of support, it can lead you to other lines of support - but as mentioned as before, it takes WORK.

Get your nighttime routine RIGHT. Just like getting a morning or day routine, you gotta get that night routine on point. Work backwards; what time do you want to be in bed? Falling asleep? What do you need to do BEFORE those things? If you can, set aside an hour before you know you want to be in bed to begin your routine. Also, anything that says “no screen time before bed” is bullshit. Seriously. I’ve tried it time and time again, it does not work. And when I say I have tried I mean I have put my phone in a drawer far away from my bed and still somehow I find myself scrolling through memes. So props to anyone that can cancel their screen time before bed. What I CAN do is limit my time with a screen. I have gotten myself to a place where I can have my phone near me, but I choose to read instead of looking at my phone and I will not answer messages past a certain time. Maybe someday I too can be one of those assholes who puts their phone in an entirely different part of their home and go to bed. But seriously, get that bedtime routine down. Have a bath - a relaxing cliche bath with candles. Meditate (yes, there’s the meditation again), read for 20 minutes, Write down the things you want to do the next day.

Lists. Lists can be great. I make lists especially when I am overwhelmed and feel restless. When I want to get my brain focused. But sometimes it is the type of list you’re making that can be the most helpful. What do you want to do with your day? What do you ABSOLUTELY have to get done? What do you WANT to do? My lists usually look like this: Things I need to do today, things I want to do today, and things I should do today. This way I can see what is most important - the things I cannot put off - and the things that make me happy and will make the stuff I don’t want to do easier for me to do in the first place. And then the things I SHOULD do. This part of my list is different than things I have to do. It’s the list that has things like research things to help my mental health, or turning off my phone for an hour. Needs are things like cleaning (because if you don’t you’ll live in a pigsty) or doing laundry or getting groceries. Shoulds are anything that you know would help you become a better human - yes this can include meditation. Your want list is your fun list - playing video games, watching a movie, anything else that maybe you want to do in your day. Because your shoulds and need list are generally the things you don’t WANT to do but they are still different than the other. No one likes to spend time cleaning when you could be doing something more fun - it’s work. But also no one wants to work on their mental health when they SHOULD be doing it because again, it’s work. Just different work.

Eat. Eat good food. Or eat bad food. Sometimes. No one can actually have the perfect diet, let’s be honest, Life would be SO boring if all you ate was healthy green things. You need a balance of the burger things, and the cake things, and the ice cream things. BUT the word balance is key. You eat too many healthy things, you’ll be bored (probably). You eat too many junk food things and you’ll feel horrible. Make a point to eat some fruit and veg in your day. Make a point to eat a burger once a week or pizza. Sometimes that’s 2x a week. My point is, fill your day with more healthy things, but don’t eat strictly those things. Eating healthier foods overall is better, but also enjoying things like burgers, cake, and ice cream is fine too - just well, in moderation, Nothing you haven’t heard before. If you’re in a place where you’re not eating enough healthy foods right now, make a point to eat just one or two more healthy things in your day instead of the other things you could grab. Those small changes can make a difference and the connection between your body and mind is real and it is huge.

I am not a medical expert. I don’t need to make that any more clear if you have read this. SO please use your brain and seek medical or professional help if you are suffering from depression, anxiety, and mental health issues. This content is just a guideline that I am hoping will help someone out there to live their life full of happiness, love, health, and peace. We are all deserving of these things. It comes from my perspective from living with depression, anxiety and some ADD and the things I have found helpful over the years to make me a functional and happier person. I am hoping it will help you too.

For information on some mental health services, check this out: https://www.ementalhealth.ca/Canada/Counselling-and-Therapy/index.php?m=heading&ID=84

For FREE meditations this is one of my favorites: https://insighttimer.com/

For some fantastic reading material that ranges from psychology articles to well-being, check out Deepstash: https://deepstash.com/

Both Insight Timer and Deepstash are available as an app.