Observe life's lessons

In the healing process, there is a lot to take in. You have to evaluate everything about yourself to learn from your mistakes. You have to understand what you truly want in life. You also need to know what you will not tolerate. In cases of domestic violence, the victim must look deep within to see what led them to be trapped in the situation they were in. It’s never the victim’s fault; it’s important that they always stay safe. Once they have escaped their situation, self-reflection will help them avoid future issues. Become in tune with your mind, body, and soul to have the life you want.

The lessons in the patterns

Think back on the past. Here are a few questions to help guide you.

• What insecurities consume you?
• What are your friendships and family relationships like?
• Do you have habits that are not serving you?
• Do you feel stuck in a cycle?
• Are you in tune with the present moment, or do you miss red flags?

All of these things may have shaped how you value yourself. Each person’s experience is different; however, there are many common traits in domestic violence victims. Many are deeply insecure, leading them to need acceptance. Unfortunately, abusers tend to seek this out in a partner. Stay strong and confident. Value yourself and know you deserve the best. Although my childhood was great, I know many victims who grew up in extremely toxic/abusive homes, like I said, every person's journey is different. People who grew up in toxic homes are more likely to fall into the same pattern. It’s important to know you deserve better and can break the cycle. Always have self-love. Make sure you surround yourself with friends who have your best interests and are supportive of you. Avoid toxic people who put you down. If you feel emotionally drained around someone, it's a sign that something is wrong. Sometimes, a bad habit might be your downfall. After I got out of my situation, I began to see that alcohol played a big role in my issues. I quit drinking and began to work on my health. Sometimes it can feel like you’re stuck in a cycle where you’re not moving forward in life. That’s a sign that you need to make improvements to better yourself. It can be easy to miss red flags, and hindsight is always 20/20; however, learning to be in the present moment is important. Most of the time, when you look back, you will see there was an indicator that was overlooked. Learn to stay present and trust your gut. If something feels off, it's because it is. Be strong and stay focused in your healing journey.

Figuring out your healing process

To better your life, you must learn about yourself. Journaling can be helpful in reflecting. Here are a few prompts.

• What can you do to improve your life?
• What kind of life do you want?
• What can you do differently?
• What do you want to try?
• What can you do today to make your life better?

Whatever it is you want to pursue, know that you can make it happen. Take time to learn new things. Try reading books to educate yourself. Exercise to keep your body and mind strong. Art is a great outlet; I discovered that I like to draw. Take classes and have the career you actually want. Go for what you're passionate about in life. There are many things you can do. Work on self-improvement daily. Take time to walk in nature. Being outdoors is great for your mind and soul. It's also important to talk to someone. It only gets worse if you hold it in. Let it all out so you can free your mind of the past. Forgive and let go. If something hasn’t been working for you, try a different approach. For example, if you want to lose weight on top of exercising, eat healthier as well. Maybe you're unhappy with what you do in life, try something new. If you fail at something, don’t give up. Once you work on yourself, you’ll attract good things into your life. If you stay focused, you can achieve your goals.

Focus on moving forward

Although it sucks when trauma strikes, life rolls on, and you have to adapt. Remember the following.

• Don’t let the pain and fear of what happened to you hold you back.
• Take the lessons from the past to make smarter decisions.
• Learn to have healthy boundaries.
• Love and respect yourself.
• Stay away from toxic relationships.

Learn your triggers and how to manage them. Let go of things that are not good for you. Keep focusing on what is best for you. Avoid places or things that could draw you back to another bad situation. Be selective on who you allow into your life. Set goals to keep you focused on achieving your dreams. Once you achieve one goal, it's easy to stay motivated to accomplish another one. Know you’re not alone; there are many overcoming similar challenges. You deserve the best life, you deserve to be with someone who treats you well, and you deserve happiness. Stay in the light.

Always remember that silence equals violence; speak up, it may save your life. Please get help if you or someone you know is experiencing domestic abuse. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is a great resource for help. https://www.thehotline.org/ 1–800–799–7233. Don’t hesitate to reach for help. There are multiple agencies out there that are more than willing to help. Most of all, trust your gut. Safety comes first. If something doesn’t feel right, it’s not. Trust your gut and always listen to the warning signs.