Nobody’s coming to save you from your life

When I was in my 20s, I imagined my 40s would look very different from how they actually turned out. However, now that I am in my 40s, I understand why my dad used to enjoy taking naps when I was a child. Additionally, I have learned that it's important to avoid sleeping in uncomfortable positions if I want to avoid experiencing pain when I walk the next day. Furthermore, I can no longer eat whatever I want without experiencing unpleasant consequences.

Despite the unexpected changes that have come with reaching my 40s, I have also found that I am much more self-aware and self-assured than I had anticipated. I have developed a sense of inner calm and no longer get overly worked up about minor issues. Furthermore, I have gained valuable insights about life that I wish I had known earlier. In light of this, I would like to share some of the most important lessons I have learned, so that others can avoid the hardships I faced in learning them.

1. There’s no such thing as too late or too old.

During my younger years, I used to worry a lot about keeping up with my peers and achieving the typical milestones in life at the same pace as others my age. While I wasn't necessarily an overachiever, I didn't want to be the last one among my friends to get married or land my dream job. As a result, I often made hasty decisions without giving them proper consideration. For instance, I got married in my mid-20s, but ended up divorced by the age of 29. I also took on huge responsibilities that I wasn't prepared for, which damaged my credit and took me the entire decade of my 30s to fix. Looking back, I can't even recall why I rushed into those things in the first place.

The truth is, there's no specific age by which you must attain your goals and find your ultimate happiness in life. Some people, like myself, may find their ideal time a little later in life. Others may never reach those milestones because they gain perspective as they age and realise that they don't even want them. Therefore, it's important not to spend your 20s rushing to achieve certain things just to keep up with societal expectations. Otherwise, you might regret not simply enjoying your youth while you still had the chance.

2. Who you were as a child is more important than you think.

One of the biggest misconceptions that I was led to believe was that children don't truly know themselves. However, as I've grown older, I've realized that I knew myself better as a child than I ever did later in life. It's just that society often makes it easy to lose sight of who you truly are by telling you what you should like and who you should be.

As a child, I knew that I wanted to create things and that a traditional 9 to 5 job wasn't for me. Unfortunately, my parents had other plans and convinced me that working in animal care was the right path for me. I ended up working long hours as a vet tech, feeling unfulfilled and confused about why I hated it so much. It wasn't until I became a full-time writer, working from home on my own flexible schedule, that I finally found my calling.

While it's natural to want to make our families proud, it's crucial to prioritize our own dreams and aspirations. Nobody knows us better than we know ourselves, and we often knew ourselves best as children. It's essential to hold onto the things we loved and longed for as kids since they can be crucial in guiding us towards our true calling in life. So, whenever you find yourself wondering what to do next, remember that the answer might be connected to something that made you feel alive as a child.

3. It’s better to make memories than collect things.

It's true that experiences and memories are often more valuable than material possessions. While buying things can bring temporary happiness, the thrill often fades quickly. In contrast, experiences can create lasting memories and personal growth.

It's important to recognize that everyone has different priorities when it comes to how they spend their money and leisure time. Some people may prefer to invest in material possessions or saving for the future, while others may choose to spend their money on experiences and adventures. Neither approach is inherently right or wrong, as long as it aligns with the individual's values and goals.

Ultimately, it's important to find a balance between indulging in experiences and being responsible with finances. It's okay to treat yourself occasionally, but it's also important to save money for unexpected expenses and long-term goals.

4. The little things are the big things.

Speaking of memories, I’ve learned that it’s not always obvious when you’re creating one that’s going to mean a lot to you one day. Everyone knows their wedding day or the day their child is born is a big deal and that they’ll remember that for the rest of their life. Some of my favourite memories are the ones that kind of snuck up on me at the time though.

I mean the day I was walking by the beach with my friends as a teenager in the fog, saw a seal, and thought for a split second that it was a mermaid.

There’s the time I signed up for an online film appreciation class on a whim and realised I still love learning as an adult. And the week a random frog lived underneath my bedroom window and made me happy every night with all his little frog noises. Those are some of the moments and occurrences that turned out to mean the most to me over the years.

I couldn’t even tell you why, but there’s something magical about them — something that suggests they’re what life is truly all about. They were little things that became big because they had meaning, especially if they were also shared with someone I loved.

5. Taking care of yourself physically is every bit as important as people tell you it is.

Ignore that piece of advice and you’ll eventually wish you hadn’t, I assure you. I’m not sure how things are for young people these days, but I wasn’t taught about fitness in much detail when I was young.

Sure, I was taught it was important, but I was never properly schooled on why or told what exactly would happen to you if you chose not to bother. I certainly wasn’t given any practical advice on how to turn fitness and proper self-care into permanent habits.

Luckily for me, years of working on my feet and having friends who preferred physical pastimes to simply sitting around all the time meant I spent most of my life "accidentally fit". The problem came when I got older, had more choices, and started making a bunch that meant I wasn’t very active anymore. That quickly led to the swift and blinding development of numerous health problems and this horrible feeling that I had no control over my life anymore.

These days, I’m doing much better in that department. I’ve gone out of my way to educate myself on how to take care of my body, as well as to establish a healthy routine that’s realistic for me. The "realistic for you" part is critical because, at the end of the day, it doesn’t matter how effective a given fitness regimen is. If you hate it with the fire of a thousand suns, you’re not going to stick with it and you can’t benefit from exercise you’re not doing.

Don’t do what I did and wait until you’re 40 and your metabolism is slowing down to get your act together. Do it while you’re still young and stick with it. Find a way to love being active and to make it a daily part of your routine. Get so used to taking care of yourself that doing otherwise feels unbearably weird.

You’ll be glad you did one day, because seriously. If I could change just one thing about how I ran my life when I was younger, this would be the thing. (Here’s a piece I wrote all about that in particular, should you be interested.)

6. The best time to make your dreams come true is now.

You're absolutely right. It's important to start working on our goals and dreams now, even if the circumstances aren't ideal. Waiting for the perfect time, place, or situation can lead to missed opportunities and regrets. Life is unpredictable and things don't always go according to plan, so it's important to make the most of the present moment.

Starting now also allows us to gain experience and learn from mistakes. It's through taking action and trying new things that we gain knowledge and grow as individuals. Instead of waiting for the perfect circumstances, we can make the best of what we have and learn along the way.

Ultimately, life is about the journey and the experiences we have, not just the destination. So it's important to enjoy the present moment and work towards our goals and dreams, even if the path isn't always smooth or easy.

7. Nobody’s coming to save you from yourself or your life.

As a young girl, I was extremely shy and spent most of my time reading books and watching movies. While I enjoyed the stories, it created the false impression that my life would naturally unfold like a fairytale, without any active effort on my part.

Growing up was not easy, but I never considered taking control of my life and working towards a better future. Instead, I daydreamed about finding someone who would rescue me and make my problems disappear. I hoped my emotionally distant parents would change, or that I would meet the perfect partner who would provide for me.

However, life doesn't work that way, and holding onto such beliefs can be detrimental in the long run. It's crucial to address this mindset, especially while young, to avoid becoming a "Princess-in-a-tower" in your 30s or beyond. This issue can affect anyone, regardless of whether they were a Disney princess enthusiast or not.

It's important to ask yourself some tough questions. Are you an aspiring creative who is waiting to be "discovered" instead of actively pursuing opportunities? Are you coasting through life, assuming that you will inherit wealth from your parents? Are you a parent who believes that your children will one day fix your mistakes?

Recognizing and addressing these beliefs is essential to build a fulfilling life. It's time to take responsibility for your own future, step out of your comfort zone, and embrace the challenges of life.

8. No one is entitled to a relationship with you (and vice versa).

Growing up, my home life was not healthy, and I experienced a type of low-key dysfunction that can be difficult to identify. While no one physically harmed me, there was a great deal of emotional abuse and gaslighting. Unfortunately, these behaviours still exist within my family today.

Over time, I recognized that some of the people in my family were toxic and that I needed to create strict boundaries or end relationships with them. I have made similar choices with ex-partners and false friends who were more interested in taking than giving. Learning to say "no" to harmful relationships transformed my life.

It is important to understand that no one is entitled to a relationship with you, especially if they refuse to treat you with respect and kindness. Even if they are family members, people who put you down, undermine your joy, or delight in cruelty should be removed from your life. You have the right to protect yourself and move forward without them.

In addition, people have the right to make the same decision about you. It is essential to learn how to gracefully let others exit your life, as it creates space for healthy relationships that are mutually beneficial. If you cling to people who do not value your relationship, you will miss out on the valuable connections that make life meaningful.

While I don't believe in dwelling on regrets, I do believe in learning from life experiences. I enjoy the challenge of personal growth and evolution, and I encourage others to do the same. No matter your age, embrace the opportunity to learn and grow. It adds colour and meaning to life.