New Year, Same Me

I do not love resolutions because I tend to give up on them which in turn makes me feel like I’m giving up on myself, but I do love a fresh start. Whether it is the first of the month or the first of the year, I take any opportunity to pause for gratitude and soak in the beauty of turning a blank page.

2020 was a really hard year for a lot of people, for a lot of reasons. But for me? It wasn’t that hard. At least not in the typical quarantine/lost jobs/lost relationships/no support/working while parenting/homeschool ways many people experienced. I know that is a very unpopular opinion but hear me out…

My mom was diagnosed with a terminal brain cancer in June 2019. The average lifespan is 18 months so as that clock started ticking down, I looked to 2020 to be the year I took advantage of time. We took a dream family trip in Jan 2020, my mom and I took a solo trip in February and once the pandemic hit in March, we decided that our family unit of 14 people would be our own little bubble. My parents required a lot of care, far more than you would expect for a pair of 60-year old’s, and not seeing them simply was not an option.

My job transitioned to remote work like many others, but my daycare never closed. And my husband had a job that required him to be in the office every day, 6 days a week. I got to work from home by myself! For months! It was literally a dream. Sure, I miss hugging random strangers and seeing my friends, but remember, this year was about moments with my mom.

In between all of the togetherness, there were horribly difficult periods of time. There were doctors appointments, cancer progressions, new normal we had to adopt, etc. But she was still here. She was here for Thanksgiving and Christmas and another birthday for each of us. All 365 days of 2020 included my mom and for that I will forever be thankful.

When the calendar flipped on 2021 and my mom was still here, I resolved to start taking care of myself more on top of caring for everyone else. Sure, I could lose 50 lbs. (and probably should someday) but for now? I could drink more water. I could drink less alcohol. Anyone else participate in “damp” January? I could take more time for mindfulness and journaling to overcome my typical “all or nothing” mentality. You know when you have a decent day, but something really messes up the plan and when you reflect on it the whole day was garbage? I do that. A lot. And it’s not fair or realistic to expect any day to be all good or all bad. I could start therapy again. It’s the best way I invest in myself and it’s always a game changer.

I looked at 2021 as an opportunity for balance and I adopted that as my word for the year. I needed to find a more manageable balance between caring for my parents, my kids and myself. I needed to ensure I could work a full-time job and still find time for things that bring me joy like reading, writing, and wine. I wanted to invest more time in my marriage because I know that when my husband and I are in sync, things flow more smoothly in our household. Lastly, I hoped to find time to knock out some small organization projects around the house that would make things less chaotic. I’ll never has a pristine home with 3 little boys running amuck, but I can create better systems to make things easier to manage.

Man, that sounds like a lot of resolutions for a person who doesn’t do resolutions…

Here is how I took a stab and making these things a reality:

My Parents: instead of just visiting my parents whenever I had a moment or feeling like I had to see them every day, I started scheduling out more intentional time to be with them and balancing that between when my sisters were out there and when friends/family wanted to visit. By knowing I have time on the calendar for visits, I don’t feel guilty when I’m not with/helping them.

My Kids: some days I pile snow into a big bin, break out the paints, and let my kids go wild. Other days, I find something that is palatable on Netflix and hide on the stairs with a hot cup of coffee and Instagram. Sometimes I do both of those things in the same day. My kids go to daycare/preschool so during the day I solely focus on my full-time job. But in the evenings and on the weekends, I am being far more intentional about not being on my phone and giving them my undivided attention. I am more patient and they are less demanding when they can tell I am invested in them and honestly, they tend to play better and more independently when I’m available than when I’m distracted with my phone which gives me the chance to catch up on laundry/dishes/etc.

My joy: I have already read 2 books this year and it makes me so happy. I am actively participating in my book club instead of just smiling and nodding behind a glass of wine. I am taking more time to write (hey Vocal+!) and I’ve noticed that even if it’s only 15 minutes a day, it’s worth it to do something that brings me joy vs. wasting the time on something that could be done later (or doesn’t need to be done at all…looking at you Instagram).

My marriage: My husband and I are taking more time for ourselves but getting our babysitter on the schedule when we can and having lunch together when we can’t. We try to work in some time each week that is just the two of us (zoned out on the couch after a long day does NOT count) and it’s helping. We’re laughing more in those moments and sometimes we even remember to talk about something other than our kids. We're also trying to make more time for intimacy. Turns out, sex not only helps relieve stress in our relationship but it helps to relieve stress caused by other areas of our lives. I'll be honest, this is not always high on my priority list but I am always thankful when we make time for it.

My house: Believe it or not this one has been the easiest and the most rewarding! Keep in mind, my house is a disaster 97% of the time, but I have committed to a few organizational projects and it makes a huge difference. First off, we donated a good amount of toys and clothes to start of the year, streamlined our toy storage and tossed out anything that was broken or worn beyond repair. We invested in storage containers for our garage and my husband managed to consolidate 6 boxes into 2 bins… a project I nagged him about most of 2020. We removed a sink we never used and replaced it with a tall storage unit that now holds ALL of our cleaning supplies, brooms, mops, etc. so I don’t have to trip all over them walking into my laundry room/pantry. Want to know the DUMBEST yet most satisfying change? We literally hung a couple of hooks on the inside of our basement door for our step ladder. We always used to put it somewhere in the laundry room/pantry but it would fall over or the kids would grab it and drag it around the house and it was such a simple thing that drove me absolutely crazy. Regardless of how easy the change was, we did it and it helps! Win/win.

My mental health: I started journaling more to remind myself of the small moments (that someday might be the big ones!) and I started therapy again. I drink more water and less alcohol. I also started listening to meditation apps before bed and my sleep has gotten SO much better. I still drink too much coffee but changing that can be a 2022 goal…

All in all, it’s been a beautiful start to a new year. I’m still the same me…and that’s perfectly okay. The best resolution I can give myself is to work on being happy with who I am and celebrating the small wins that make me a better person. I practice a lot of gratitude and I also give myself a lot of grace during an incredibly challenging time in my life. If all else fails? I still have the first of each month to start over.