New Year: Knew You

I knew you. I knew you before you knew yourself. I watched you tear down your opportunities because you believed that you weren't worthy, and I silently screamed, "Stop." My unspoken words fell on death ears because you couldn't hear me.

The truth was, I couldn't hear myself. Though the words rang loudly in my head, they fell like raindrops on your ears. The New Year came, and I knew you wouldn't change. I knew that I would tell you once again how precious you are, how important you are, and how incredible you are, but my silent words wouldn't penetrate your walls. Those walls were thick and laden with fear and doubt.

The words rang "I'm not enough," so loudly that it would drown out my silent whisper. Who was I to try to tell you that you were more than what you could see? Only you could gaze into your reflection and see the perfect being waiting to be crafted—you who saw yourself as 'unworthy.'

I heard you had created a resolution to be kinder, kinder to yourself, and kinder to others. It was enough for me, you see; because, it was enough to drag yourself out of the shadows. It was enough to pull yourself into the light. It was enough to give you some semblance of the thing that you had been searching for...hope.

A hope of a brighter tomorrow, a hope for a place that offered more than the fear that had settled in. The hope that I had yearned for you but couldn't give you myself.

"I will be better tomorrow," you would say to yourself. "The New Year will bring me happiness," you believed. Though, the reality was you didn't honestly think, not really. For you, the doors were always closed, and the opportunities were someone else's. The hope that you clung to was a sliver of what it should have been if you could only see in you what I see. Suppose you could only see the potential in yourself the way that I do. I screamed and pleaded inside of my head. I was hoping that you would read my mind and hear my words. You didn't.

Yet, there was enough there inside of you to see with clear eyes the opportunities that laid before you. I watched in silent awe as you grew hungry for more. Hungry for life, hungry for hope, hungry for change, and I watched you consume it. It was my proudest moment. I wanted to shout from the rooftop and sing to the angels that you had achieved your heart's desire.

My faith restored as I witnessed you pushing forward and fighting against the odds. Pride filled me. I smiled, and with my silent voice, I said to you, "well done," but you couldn't hear me. I wondered for a time if you could ever hear me. A tear slid down my cheek because I knew that you were losing faith. I knew that you were struggling.

I had to find a way to get you to see me. I needed you to believe that I was there so that you could hear me tell you how amazing you are. One day, as you stood in front of the mirror, your eyes met mine, and for the first time, you saw me. I opened my mouth, and yours opened as politely as I whispered, "Well done," you smiled.

What I didn't know I knew was that all you needed was for me to let you in. Happy New Year.

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