New Today

New beginnings. New thoughts. New ideas. New limits. New Pressures.

At least that is what we think starting the New Year means. While schools are having a break, celebrations are just ready in place, individually could we say the same?

Most times at the end of the year we put so many things aside and start thinking of new things to come. Always for the betterment of ourselves, from what our perspectives of better may be.

Some want to get better grades, others want to get better skin, some others better relations with the people around them. And honestly I think we all want that altogether. Most commonly this year 2020, I think we all just want things to get better overall.

Cannot tell people what is right or wrong for their situation neither what's better for them.

Therefore I will describe what my perspective looks like since I learned that everyday is a New Year.

Celebration! Having finished a cycle, a whole turn around the Sun. But have I taken my time to seen it, seen it from all angles? Let It see me from all my angles?

Somehow waking up every day is not a manifesto of life anymore. Open to wake and having already a unless thread of things behind schedule.

Not just a schedule of just time, a schedule of the self.

What to eat, what not to eat, while not even feeling hunger or pleasure for the food. What to read and what not to read, sometimes at great speed not to lose a dime of time. What accommodations you should do on the sound of your laughter so it isn't too loud. What important thoughts and projects to develop today, most times not for curiosity or acknowledgement in the world but just to have enough to make it into a conversation.

But then again, when I think all of my wonder has left me to wander by itself, I notice.

I come to notice the lights my eyes catch. Different every time, because they are all with the brightness of the now. I come to notice the quiet wind and the one that sings, the one that moves me, takes me all around the places it has been in the world. I come to notice how if I let my eyes open just a little longer, I can see it. I can see time, I can see it pass, dance, shape everything, he goes running when I'm standing and I have learned to let myself run with it when it lets me.

However, I have to come to notice as well how sometimes, it's like I intentionally put myself under it. Under time. Like a countdown is going in the roof of my head and it goes down fast. It goes so fast I do not even have time to make things go better or even realize they are happening.

No time to read about all the chaos in this world of calamity, of all the suffering and of all the joy. No time to scream to all of the injustices from my window view. So many things to fix out there, to check on our to-do-list.

And as it feels in my mind's scenes, everyday I wake up to sit in a huge desk with a tiny chair surrounded by various words all meaning the same, with towers of things left for me to do, to be.

And then when I feel my breathing again sometime, like a camera focusing its lens, I can finally see, smell, breath and be, like I mean it. I focus on the most effortless way, not on the things left to be done, but on the things I create without realizing. All the images traveling from eye to brain, how it projects and tells me a story every moment of the day.

I notice once again how I breathe, how I am sitting, how my muscles listen when I talk, how my feet want to float, how my head works differently when my only duty is to be. And there is always a voice, impersonating someone, someone that I sometime think it's vital for my life, trying to tell me to focus on the thousands of papers filled with beliefs, with rules, with colorful propaganda and "get my life together". But I choose differently, I choose to look throughout my wall, through the million worlds I have behind my eyes, inside my mind with all the stories I know by heart and they are all mine.

So I have decided that today, is today. Now is now and never again. A moment can last longer than memory, longer than what you may think. That I can write about yesterday and bring it to life again if I choose to. The future I will leave to Later Today's. I can wonder today like I could not tomorrow.

In this infinite time that passes by, I am grateful for the colors I catch everyday. I am grateful that this mind of mine can take a break from all the pressure and go behind the desk and make a fire to dance. Whatever I see in that wall, I know the real sky comes from inside of me.

So for this year, this New Year full of hope and new starts, why not start with making our walls a bit shorter? Because there is nothing prove. There are no expectations coming to you from far away. If you are busy checking from the list, just know you always have one moment to define what you will remember tomorrow. Just one second is enough to wake up.

I hope for everyone to find what they think is behind the wall, behind the analogy, for it has and is always within ourselves.

What I truly wish to see soon during this year, is a great moment that will not last long but will live an eternity or maybe a couple, in which we are all dancing, in our own space, whatever it is that you do to dance and whatever you call dancing.

Speaking from a personal space, I wish for reunion in this year of rejection and separation of loved ones. As well, for the ones that linger just a little further from themselves.