My Journey to Authentic Self

Who I am, began when I left my country alone. I was 18 when I first stood up for myself. Growing up in the rural area of an island called Shikoku in Japan during the 1960s and 1970s, I was expected to obtain enough but not too much education to attract a prospective husband to provide me with a lovely home and comfort in exchange for performing as an exemplary housewife. Women's place was home where she takes care of her husband and children, everything to do with family matters while he works outside. It was the way of things, then, particularly in the countryside like where my family resided. My idea of my life didn't align with neither this societal expectation of a woman nor my parents' hopes and wishes for their daughter.

Throughout my life I felt like a social misfit trying to find my place in society. At the same time, I had a strong desire for independence. While most of my friends and classmates continued on the paths that were mapped out for them, I decided to focus on studying in America and gaining employment in the land of opportunity to create my own life, not someone else’s idea of what life should look like for me. Although I had no idea how to finance my education and expenditure, my determination was rock solid; nothing was going to stop me until my last breath on the earth. Several teachers in my high school tried to convince me not to pursue such an audacious plan. Naturally, they were all concerned about me going to a foreign land where I know no one let alone without adequate skills to maneuver the language to survive.

“Where there is a will, there is a way.” This philosophy was the only thing that kept me steadfast. To this day, I believe that it is so. It is obvious that becoming proficient in English is no easy feat, furthermore, there are foreseeable obstacles and challenges along the way to achieve my independence in a foreign land. In the end, it had taken me 15 years to earn my master's degree and first full-time teaching position at one of the public schools in Arizona. But I had done it all!

However, what I didn't realize at that time was that I had more than a few limited beliefs about who I was, and what I was capable of. As much as I wish I did not have to experience those hardships and challenges, I am certain that without them, I could have ever discovered rather detrimental self-beliefs and preconceived perceptions about life in general. To become aware of such limited, self-sabotaging beliefs, all the adversaries I faced were blessings in disguise.

Now, almost 40 years later from my first standing up moment, I am doing it again. This time I am finally claiming “REAL ME” that has been deeply buried in my subconscious. So deep is my true identity dormant, I had no idea that I was not who I thought I was. The mask I have been wearing was so comfortable that it was the identity I had fully embraced. Upon the realization of my faulty sense of identity, the last couple of years has been a slow and painful process of self-reflection and healing after my 16 years of marriage, which ended when my son graduated from high school. I had thoroughly enjoyed being a full-time mother, immersed in the daily household management of our family life. There are no regrets whatsoever for the choice to be a stay-at-home mother doing side gigs when the time allowed. Knowing I could build my career at any time but the time I had with my son was not going to wait for me, my priority was crystal clear from the beginning until the end.

What I couldn't foresee was the byproduct of the choice; how I was slowly making myself inconsequential and unimportant in life by constantly placing the needs and wants of others. I inadvertently stopped shining with my authenticity ever since I decided to become behind-the-scenes support. Of course, that wasn't the only reason for gradually but surely dimming my light over time. It is my assessment and evaluation that the temporary loss of my authentic self occurred due to a combination of my choice to take an inconspicuous yet vital role as well as my perceptions and limited self-belief heavily influenced by the cultural, societal, and familial beliefs and expectations during my childhood.

To reclaim “ REAL ME '', this time I left my job instead of my country. This wasn’t because of the pressure and the irreconcilable gap I felt between my idea of my life and those of others and society. On the contrary, I was getting so comfortable and liking the routine, the people, and the environment I was in. I was content with my life. Yet if I were to truly be honest with myself, there was something missing in my life. Have I done everything, or do I have everything I want in this lifetime? I have come so far to get my education and employment to live in my dream. I had and have family and friends for whom I love and care. Still, something was calling and nagging me to keep moving forward. In retrospect, authenticity has always been the theme of my life, a tough but valuable ongoing life lesson. I feel compelled to live authentically for myself and the people around me.

What I learned from my experiences in living authentically, is that we do not have to do everything by ourselves. A well-known American mythologist and writer, Joseph Campbell quotes, “I have found that you have only to take one step toward gods, and they will then take ten steps toward you.” He also said that if you were on the right path, you would find that invisible hands were helping. His quotes resonate very well with me; during my journey to become independent in America, I was blessed with unexpected supporters and strangers with whom I had become friends, acts of kindness, aiding or saving me from getting into, otherwise complicated situations and/or potentially disastrous outcomes.

On many occasions, serendipitous and unexplainable events had backed and lifted me up closer to better circumstances or the objects of my desire. For instance, I couldn't have financed my education if Japan hadn’t become an economic powerhouse at the divine timing. Without such a drastic change in the exchange rate between the two currencies due to the increased economic power of Japan, chances are, instead of 15, it could have taken 30 years possibly longer to gain my degrees and a teaching position. It was undoubtedly a magical occurrence, an invisible hand helping. Regardless of the millions of obstacles I faced, everything worked out for me in the end.

Today, standing at the crossroads with juxtaposing feelings of anxiousness for the uncertainty of my future as a writer and exhilaration in the process of creating something that could possibly be beneficial to others for whatever the endeavors they have in their lives, I had taken one step to be a real me by entering this contest. If I could do it, anyone can. By living authentically, we are making the world a better and brighter place with inspiration and encouragement to others to do the same.

So, what’s my take on being real? I believe that being true to ourselves by shining our light is one of our common life purposes. Our experiences in life with our physical senses are unique to each individual, yet an authentic life brings the same experience of sheer bliss and joy to all of us. Human beings are social creatures and, as such, seek acceptance and a sense of belonging. For this reason, sometimes standing up for your true self creates conflicted feelings and dilemmas within. Living authentically is easier said than done, but the effort you put forth will transcend not only your life but also the lives of others. So why not shine your light and be unapologetically YOU！