My 2021 resolution: Burn your New Year's resolutions list

Once again, I fell for the "new year, new me", the unoriginal and diminishing social promise that this would finally be the year when I would become all of what I had always dreamed of, and when I would unlock all my raw potential into proving a triumphant woman. I helped to plan this magical party that would, at last, prove that I was worthy of self-admiration and success. I spent days thinking what my new year’s resolutions would be for 2021, after a dreadful, slow 2020.

I’m an introvert. Which means, I was exhilarated to find out I was soon going to be working from home indefinitely. Because I’m a teacher, most people assumed this overnight change was going to be nothing but gruelling. Don’t get me wrong. It was not easy! In fact, it was by far the most challenging year I’ve ever experienced in my teaching years. However, removing from my life the small talk with uninterested co-workers, skipping hours of monotonous traffic and only half dressing for work, were some of the little things in my new normal that made me so much happier. I was able to do my marking from the couch, with my dogs cuddled up, and unintentionally smiling away. It wasn’t until a couple of months later that I started noticing how tired I was, and what’s more, how worn out was everyone around me, my friends, my family, my students. I gave every little drop of energy in me to keep them from falling behind, I kept my optimism up in an attempt to inspire every single one, but slowly, along with continuous abuse from management, and many, long, unpaid hours, I found myself trapped in a dangerously unhealthy pattern.

2020 was the year I forgot about me, and there I was, getting my things ready to go to this life-changing, revitalising, new year’s party, with my supporting partner, loving friends, and caring circle. Right there, I said, ‘F- it. I’m not going’. I held my breath. My boyfriend looked at me for a minute before saying, ‘That’s ok. Do you want me to stay?’. I was shocked, to say the least. Not just because of his response, but because of what I had said. Where did it come from? It felt amazing. I needed to be alone, yet I had been lying to myself that all I needed for this year to be epic, was to start it with a bang. I had spoken my unapologetic truth for the first time in a long time. Knowing I am supported by the people around me was a bonus. I went to the bottle-O to buy a mid-prize bottle of champagne and chips, went home, poured myself a glass and turned Netflix on.

So, to everyone reading this. Burn your 2021 resolutions list. Stop writing pointless tallies of intentions that are bound to fail and make you feel unachieved.

You do not need to become a new person.

You do not need to lose weight.

You do not need to achieve the unachievable.

You do not need to change.

Improvement does not come from throwing everything away and starting again. You do not better yourself by looking at the negatives in your life, but by recognising your power and applauding your strengths. All my life, I’ve worked hard to surpass my self and support the people around me, but this year I recognized that trying to change my self was working against me and not for me. I needed to stay home and recharge. That one little decision, which meant accepting me entirely, led to a good night’s sleep, which led to a peaceful first of January, and then, to an entire change in mindset.

How about this year, we stop focusing on what’s wrong with us? Give yourself the love you so easily give everyone else, but you. It’s not easy. Try it! Write 5 things you have achieved this last year. Write 5 things that make you unique. Write 5 things that you are proud of. Why stop there? Write about your partner and surprise them. Think of your best friend, your mum, or your students. No more clean slates, and particularly, no more putting our old-selves behind us, but in front of us, where we can see how beautifully strong we are, how far we’ve come, and how far we will go.