Moving forward towards a better future.

My resolution is to work on me and to work on letting go of the past. I spent all of 2020 upset and down. Not just because of the pandemic which of course is not great, but my life blew up. I watched my life crumble in a little as a swipe of a text message. I found out my husband was cheating. Not just cheating but had been seeing my friend and coworker. Someone I had trusted for many years. They had been seeing each other for over two years. My life fell apart. I was in a mixture of pain and hurt. After working through everything and trying to salvage my life I have vowed for 2021 I will focus on the future and what is best for me and my children. I still must work with the woman every day. I have worked through trying to work with her. I have also continued to try to work on my marriage and making it work for my children. The hurt and pain was hard at first. I drowned in pain and continued to move everyday in a zombie state. I was angry that someone I trusted could hurt and betray me. I am working on myself. I had to take a step back and decide what I truly wanted and what I could live with. In doing that I realized I had to not care what other people thought of me or my choices. If I did care than I would be miserable living my life for them. I wanted my family. I felt it was unfair that because two people made an awful choice that I had to lose everything. Why should I be hurt, why should I lose everything. So, I made the choice to continue my marriage and to continue my family. It has not been easy. I live everyday trying to move forward. Moving forward through the pain is what was the hardest. I wanted to hold a grudge and let the anger simmer, but I also knew that wasn’t healthy and I was getting nowhere with that. I have three kids who depend on me. They feel my pain and watch me for guidance on how to feel. So, with that said I decided to move forward. I have now moved my family to a better and bigger home with the help of a friend. I am living everyday with a positive attitude. My kids are finally getting to go to school, so we are getting back into a routine. I am letting go of the anger towards my co worker and continue to smile through it. She will answer for what she has done someday. Karma is a powerful thing. I am also working on my health. I have stopped smoking after 25 years. This is hard and taken more will power than I believed but I can do this. My coworkers have decided to do a weight loss challenge. I am going to work on all these things. I know I will fail sometimes but I will always pick myself up again and go on. I have learned so much about myself in this process and will always remember I will not succumb to pain and failure but will thrive in it.