Make Good Decisions

I was seventeen when a boy told me to “make good decisions” after he asked me what I was going to wear to an outing with my Aunts when I told him jeans and heels. He was disturbed by the fact that I’d be wearing kitten heeled shoes to a bridal show as if they were a symbol of promiscuity. Good Lord… if I knew then what I know now. I remember feeling a chill to my bones when he told me that, too. As if I’d be too sexy or too much for the general public. You hate to give a guy like that any sort of attention, but sometimes when you break yourself free of that, it’s not damned if you didn’t… it’s damn glad you did.

I thought of this moment in my history today, and quite honestly I am not even sure why. I laughed at the thought, too, because what did it even mean in the context he used? “Make good decisions, Emily.” Sure thing, sir. There is one every crowd, and there is definitely one boy in every girls life that teaches you a lesson.

I honestly pray all the time that my girls will recognize this type of nonsense in a man long before I did. Not even men, but anyone who makes them feel small, or like they are too much, or not enough. Women are literal powerhouses. I think that anyone who decides for someone else is quite silly. The day he told me to make good decisions, he had already decided for me that I wasn’t going to. How poisoned I was by his toxicity.

I wore heels to my brothers funeral, to my nursing school graduation. I wore them on my wedding day. I wore heels to celebrate love and loss and all the things in between. It’s funny how such a small thing has become so symbolic in my life. I think of that asshole every time I put heels on my feet and then I laugh and strut down the hall way to my husband who thinks the sun shines out of my ass when I’m dressed up.

It has to be so defeating to lose such control over someone, but oh how powerful it is to be set free.

If you are in a space where your moments aren’t yours, where you aren’t recognized for all the goodness you are, and when you grow weary of the constant disappointment from someone who doesn’t even deserve you, put your sexy shoes.

Put on the shoes that make you feel impeccable. The ones that life your spirit and give you reason to be every part of yourself. Put on the shoes that allow you to walk confidently in the face of anything wanting to stop you.

This all may sound confusing or not applicable to many, but if you know, you know.

Often times, we let so many factors dictate how we feel. We let others decide how our day is going to go. We become so consumed by bull shit that isn’t even recognizable to anyone but ourselves. We hold back, we dim our lights so as to not offend anyone else.

To my ladies, those who are young and those who are wise, I say this:

Know just how worthy you are. Hold tight to your passions. Keep moving when things get stagnant. Do not lower your expectations to meet someone else’s needs. Empower yourself to be better, and to simply do the next right thing. Don’t settle. Don’t wait on or for anybody. Keep on keeping on with your pursuit to find happiness and love, because it’s going to show it’s face for you. Dance to the song, put on the dress, and live your life the way YOU want to live it. Let your choices be yours and then be confident in the outcomes.

There are so many reasons to quit and give up. There are so many reasons to find another way or another time. Instead, find the one reason to keep going and then put on your damn shoes.

Xo,

E