Love Yourself

How is your day going? Hopefully, you've taken some time with everything going on to breathe and reflect. We all need it, and assuming that time to learn a little bit more about yourself is part of self-growth and self-healing. Because you are important, you are amazing, and you are unique.

Without you, this world would be without a good person who, even with your faults, is part of something bigger. You don't have to be on your `A-Game' every time, and no one expects you to; if they did, then that simply means they are not concentrating on having any time for themselves. In that case, maybe they need to read this too.

You have a fantastic smile, and I feel you have a good heart. Do you think that way too, or are you suddenly arguing with me on that? First, let me point out that if you are arguing with me on that, you are arguing with a bunch of written words. Second, you may be reading this inside your head or out loud, so you are actually just arguing with yourself. So if that is the case, take a deep breath and let it out. It's ok to disagree with yourself, so long as you agree to let your guard down for a moment with yourself. No one has to know, and letting your inner self relax and breathe is ok. Just give it a try and accept that you have feelings and emotions.

Take a moment to close your eyes and let those emotions run wild in your head. Laugh, scream, giggle, cry, and do whatever you feel reflects your current state. Go ahead and do it now. Don't worry, take your time; I will wait…

…Did you give yourself that moment of reflection and release? I hope you did, and even if you didn't, that's ok. When the time or place is correct, you are encouraged to try it.

Now, I want to ask you something. How do you feel about yourself? I'm not asking that question at an immediate level of feeling based on how your morning has been, for example. I'm instead asking about how you really feel within yourself. Do you love yourself at a level of caring and true inner love for your wellbeing?

With everything going on in the world, we find it easy to get wrapped up in the events that have overwhelmed us lately. We often stand up for what we believe in, stand up for a need for change, and stand up for ourselves and those around us too. We are allies to those struggling to have a voice, and we look for chances to stand up and help care for maybe one or many. But you cannot take care of others effectively if you don't know how to take care of yourself. If we haven't been able to learn how to love ourselves, we will not be strong enough to hold up to the exterior pressures pushing on us.

Think about those chocolate bunnies that say, "Made from milk chocolate." Maybe they are sweet, delicious, and compliment that gift basket very well. But as you pack that basket, you accidentally crush that chocolate shell because that's all there was to it. It was just a thin chocolate shell with nothing inside.

Now think what would happen if, instead, you had grabbed one that said, "Made from solid milk chocolate." Equally sweet, delicious, and complimentary to that gift basket. It may cost a bit more, but it's worth it. And it won't crush as quickly when applying a bit of pressure. Which one are you?

I recently read a book called "Real Life Habits for Success," written and compiled by Jeffrey Lawrence Benjamin, Michael B. Kitson, and Thomas J. Powell.

There is a short blurb in it that reads, "Society has adopted a negative belief that loving yourself means that you are conceited or arrogant. Nothing could be further from the truth. Those people who love themselves have the most to give. People who hold themselves in high esteem are the people who make the contributions that uplift the consciousness of the world. Whatever is pressed on the inside will be expressed on the outside."

It's like an inner emotional level of the concept of putting your mask on before helping others in the event of loss of cabin pressure on a plane. We all want to help, and we certainly can, but don't forget about you. Even if it's not a time in your life where you want to help others, you are just growing and dealing with the struggles of life. This is an integral part of becoming stronger.

Actress Lucille Ball once said, "Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world."

And I'm sure I'm not the first to tell you that we all have a lot to do in this world. And again, it all comes down to you and these simple questions. Who are you? How are you? Are you ok?

This brings me to my next point. The challenge of getting yourself to the level of good self-love begins with granting yourself permission to love yourself. I say this because, strangely enough, many of us won't do it until we hear that we are allowed to give ourselves permission. Maybe you seek it from someone else or don't feel you've earned it.

However, they don't tell you that you don't need anyone's permission other than yourself. The world also usually doesn't tell you that it's easier said than done when it comes to giving yourself permission. Or is it?

Ok, so how do you do it? How do you give yourself permission without feeling guilty or like there is no point? My secret sauce requires a mirror, a few moments of privacy, and repetition.

I say privacy because if you feel awkward doing this, it's ok, no one is around, and the only person judging you is you. The hardest part about this is dealing with being considered by yourself. We all do it; it's natural to judge yourself. Your defense mechanism is designed to protect yourself from getting hurt emotionally. It can get a little overzealous and start running rampant if we just let it do its own thing all the time. I'm not saying we must put that judgment in a cage and lock it away forever. Let's just put it on a leash so we can start training it on how to work for us, not against us. Again, easier said than done, but with repetition, it will get easier.

All you need to do to make this trick work is to stand in front of the mirror, look yourself in the eyes, and say to yourself, "I give myself permission to love myself." And that's it, that's all there is to it. When you get up in the morning, find a mirror and say that to yourself. Before you go to sleep, do it again. Then do the same thing the next day, then the next, and so on and so forth.

At first, it may be challenging, and that's ok. You don't even have to believe it to be true. Just keep at it each day for a month. Don't add any other lines, just stick to that one line of affirmation. Then after about a month, check to see how you feel. You are looking to see if you believe it or not. I don't just mean when you feel comfortable with saying it. What you are looking for is when you genuinely believe that you are allowed to give yourself permission to love yourself. If you feel a change before a month passes, that's great! But don't change this process just yet; keep doing it until you get through a month of this.

If you aren't feeling it once you get to a month, that's ok. Give yourself another month or more. There is no time limit here. Since it takes only about sixty seconds of your day, it doesn't require much time investment. You should spend more time brushing your teeth than it takes to do this.

Once you believe that you are allowed to give yourself permission to love yourself, and you've done it for at least one month, feel free to add another affirmation of your choice. Such as, "I am beautiful," or, "I am free to make my own choice about life," or even, "I am smarter than I was yesterday, and no one can take that away from me!"

You can choose your affirmations going forward, and after about a week or two, add another if you like. Write out different affirmations on sticky notes and stick them on your mirror.

Why did I say leave it to just one to start, though? Simply I want you to keep things easy when you first start out. The easier it is to begin, the more likely you will do it. And the more likely you are to do it, the chance of creating a positive habit increases. And Creating a positive habit is my secret to learning how to love yourself. Giving yourself permission to love yourself isn't like sharing the launch codes to shoot a missile. It's not comparable to waiting for the president's go/no go command, then BAM! The deed is done. We aren't wired that way.

That road to loving yourself is a brick path you build, starting with putting down one brick at a time. As you do it, you start gaining experience laying those bricks. You start getting faster, more efficient, and maybe pick up a few tricks along the way to help you lay more bricks down at once. And if you keep your head down, focus on laying those bricks; before you know it, you will see just how far you've come. All because you set your first brick and just continued on.

This is your first step to improving yourself, and I believe that you have it in you to make this become the positive habit you've been needing. Follow this process as I've described it, and tell me how you feel afterward. I believe in you and wish you the best in this simple challenge to loving yourself.

And of course, if you did enjoy this, please share your thoughts and comments with me. I would love to hear from you. Then share this with someone else who you feel needs it. Thank you!