Living On Your Own Terms

I have learned a lot about my likes and dislikes since I've been diagnosed with ADHD. For instance, I know that I just don't work well within the confines of a traditional work environment, no matter how hard I try. I yearn for the independence and freedom to fly with whatever my mind is thinking that day, and I long for the ability to be able to spontaneously follow my whims on a daily basis. So, what does all this mean? Well, I think what I'm talking about is "living on your own terms".

I'm sure you've heard that phrase before, and I'm sure that you have a specific meaning attached to it. Living on your own terms isn't just a saying, it's an action. It's you telling the world: "hey, I don't care what you think, I'm still doing life the way I want to because that's what's best for me". In a nutshell, that's what it means to me.

In today's society especially, we value independence and freedom. The ability to live on your own terms is the ability to be completely independent and self-sufficient. You have a strong character and you can handle the problems of daily life in your own unique ways. Living on your own terms is much more than just that; it is about accepting the power you have inside of you, loving yourself, and giving yourself the freedom to explore what you desire the most in this life.

Living on your own terms doesn't just include career objectives. We also have expectations, wants, and needs in all areas of our lives. As a person with ADHD who loves writing, I am always trying to motivate and inspire others; it's part of what gives me the most joy in life. As such, my writing and my artistic endeavors are some of the most important things to me in my life. I also highly value independence, and often want to try to figure things out for myself before asking for help. Call me stubborn, but part of why I do that is because I learn a whole lot by trying something myself and making mistakes. In a nutshell, that's just me and the kind of person I am, and that, to me, is exactly what "living on my own terms" means.

The real challenge of this comes when we start to realize who we are as an individual, and accept that person whole-heartedly. For many with low self esteem, like myself, this can take years to develop, but it is one of the greatest and kindest things you could ever do for you: love and accept yourself for who you are.

Over the last year or so, I have started getting to know myself better. I have always felt that part of my identity is missing, or that maybe I just didn't do enough exploring with what I like and don't like when I was younger. Then, for almost the first time in my life, I started listening to myself. I listened to my body when it was full and when it was hungry, I listened to my brain when it said "it's time for you to take a break" or "I'm too overwhelmed for this right now". I have learned what my boundaries and limits are, and that has helped me realize what my own personal goals in life are.

I feel like I missed out on something big and important when I was younger, so this last year, I decided to give myself the therapy I felt I'd been needing for a long time. I dealt with my past and my trauma and my emotions. I learned that I was being an extreme people pleaser and wasn't doing enough to take care of myself and appreciate me. I started writing and making art and singing. I lived life on my own terms, creatively. Creativity is the center of my life, and therefore, it is the center of what makes me the person that I am. Staying true to that, and always letting my creativity shine, is part of living on my terms.

To me, the idea of "living on my own terms" is living the life the way I want, regardless of what society or anyone else thinks. For me, being a writer and stay at home dog mom freelancer is a large part of that. After COVID, I just felt that I couldn't handle the traditional roles of jobs like I had before. Before, I was just doing what everyone else wanted me to do; now, I am working hard for my goals because I want to create this life for me, and I want to stay true to myself.

For many, living on your own terms means taking more charge and command of your life. It's not only an inspiring way to look at life, but also an action, something palpable you can do to improve your own life, and the great thing about it is, that journey will be different for everyone.

I encourage anyone and everyone to start figuring out what living on your own terms means. When we accept what we want in life, we are saying "this is what I want and I will accept nothing less than". We learn to care for ourselves, watch out for ourselves, be our own best mentor and guide.

For example, have you ever heard anyone say "oh well, it's your life"? It's this toxic phrase that means someone is judging you. Have you ever really thought about that? Have you thought about how those words cut through you deep when someone says them, and end up leaving you feeling even worse about yourself? The person who says this to someone else is saying "hey, I don't like the way you live your life, I don't agree with it, and I look down on it". For the most part, this is the type of reaction we expect when someone says something like this. For many people, this can spawn them into a vicious cycle of toxic behaviors instead of taking care of our own wants and needs.

We would rather make everyone else happy and please everyone else to be well liked, and would rather not put in the work to become our best selves; it's just simply not convenient, better to be a follower, right? Wrong. You are the only person that gets to decide your future, and your happiness, and everything you want out of this life; it is up to you and you alone to make the best of that. You should focus on living life on your own terms, whatever that means to you.

This could include learning what your beliefs are, and staying true to that part of you, because that is what makes you a unique person. You must hold onto that; hold onto the beautiful pieces of you that make you different from everyone else; see how you look at the world and really think about what it is you want in life. It is important now more than ever that we hold onto our values, and morals, and all the things that are important to us as individuals. We must not forget that, and we must not forget that no one is in control of your life but you, so make it something worth remembering.