Life is Tough Sometimes...

So, a little backstory about me - I am 24 years old, graduate from college, still living at home with my family. I graduated with a Bachelor of Science degree in Biology with an Art minor.

Right after I graduated from undergrad back in 2019, I took a break and traveled a bit. Then came the end of winter/ beginning of spring (February/ March). I got offered a job at a dental surgery center - I was so close to taking it! But at the same time, that was when the coronavirus hit. Lockdowns, quarantines, the pandemic, etc. At first, the whole lockdown was fine and all because we all (my family) got to spend time together and try new things at the house like bake/ cook/ puzzles/ collecting/ organize/ clean/ etc. But then came the end of summer when some people started going back to work. I was stuck just like everyone else trying to find a job.

At the time, this was the end of 2020. The entire year of 2020 was rough. But around the fall season of 2020, that was the time that I got back into searching for a job. I was looking into anything. Retail, hospitals, labs, freelance, anything. I applied to a few retail stores, didn't hear back from some, got rejected from one. I don't know how you can reject or not hire someone when the stores are always looking to hire people.

Well - that situation brought down my mental state - I got depressed a bit because I figured: "If I can't even get hired from a store where they're constantly looking to hire people, how am I going to get a job at some big company like a hospital or science field?"

I felt that way for a while - a few months. I then got into freelancing for a big in the spring of 2021. It worked out - got to make some money while being on the computer at home and I got to travel around a bit! However, it's August 2021 right now and after struggling with freelancing for a bit, I'm back at where I was like a year ago. Trying to figure out what to do next!

It really doesn't help that I have developed bad anxiety. Don't get me wrong- I've always had anxiety but over the past 2 years, it's gotten worse. So bad to where I get so anxious to pick up the phone calls, to send my resume or emails out to companies, anxious about what I will have to tell people in an interview about myself...

It doesn't help when I see people my own age succeeding around me or on social media, or when I get compared to other people by my own family every day. "I ran into someone at the store and they're the same age as you and look - they have a job! Why can't you just find anything?"

I could have a job right away - even tomorrow! If only I didn't have such bad anxiety and depression. I guess I'm just stuck in a mental place and need to figure out how to get out - that way I can move on and live the life I actually want. Anxiety and depression-free!

It all goes back to step one: I need to stop the negative thoughts in my head, gain some self-confidence, get some motivation back, put myself out there, and be happy with myself.

Some helpful quotes that lift me up mentally are:

• You're just being yourself. Everyone's timing is different.
• You are worthy of the success coming your way.
• Life is what you make of it. Not everything may be sunshine and roses but taking things little by little and creating long and short-term goals may help you achieve what you want.
• "How do you stay motivated? I think it's about having a purpose for what you're doing. Goals are also really great. I'm really competitive. It's in my nature. Now I'm trying to prove everyone wrong all the time."
• Don't let fear dictate your life. Because at the end of the day, nothing really matters and we're all going to die. This is your sign to stop living in fear.
• "I just want you to succeed. I don't want you just sitting on the couch. I know you can do it."
• Remember - don't be afraid to start over. Suffering helps you. Makes you happier. Stay strong.
• Comfort is your biggest trap and coming out of your comfort zone is your biggest challenge.
• Tell your stories. There's nothing to be ashamed of.
• Dream it. Plan it. Do it.
• You don't have to be amazing to start. But you need to start to be amazing.
• Today is just the beginning.
• Don't worry about what everyone expects of you.
• Look at every day like a new opportunity.
• The best part of faith is, having trust in something that you can't see right now but you know it's coming.
• "Try to control the things you can control now. Like I don't know what's going to happen tomorrow or next week but try to focus on what you got today."