Life is difficult, but you don’t need to be!

“I am offended by how you said it,” said somebody and I immediately felt the mental doors closing, and there was no way to continue the conversation that hardly had started.

Even if your intentions were the best and most respectable at that moment, a response like the above hurts.

Do you have similar experiences? I bet you have.

Some of us have the power and guts to be offended by the tiniest thing and force us into defence mode. After a situation like the above, it is natural to feel hurt, confused and frustrated.

How do you wiggle yourself out of the situation and keep your dignity unharmed?

The Boddhisatva Never Disparaging

The Lotus Sutra’s chapter 20 has a story of the Boddhisatva Never Disparaging. He was a monk who didn’t read any scriptures or other complex religious practices but bowed to every person he met, saying, “I would never dare disparage you because you are all certain to attain Buddhahood!’

His respect for other people was profound, and there was no exception. It irritated others greatly. They thought, “Who is this man who dares to proclaim that everybody can attain enlightenment?”. They were offended, angry and arrogant.

Every time Never Disparaging bowed and got a hostile response, he moved further away so that the stones and sticks the others threw at him would not hurt him. In this way, he expressed his respect but managed to stay safe.

What can we learn from the Never Disparaging?

It is maybe the hardest lesson of all. We are equal; we all have the infinite potential for good — and evil, for that matter.

When we realise that even the evilest and most terrible people deserve to be respected will shift our awareness from personal grievances to understanding and curiosity. It is a tough call.

There is always a reason, which we may never find out, but nobody was born evil. We can do horrible things and grow in circumstances that almost certainly push us to behave in an unethical or violent way. But, still, we all are humans and deserve to be respected.

It is precisely for this reason that Buddhism is so gentle and forgiving but so hard to practice. It does not allow us to blame or point fingers. We need to change if we want to change any situation or circumstances for the better.

What to say to the jerks?

If there is a WOKE or liberal, or redneck, or whoever takes offence because we did or said something, we need to bow and plant a seed of understanding.

Our response might be the positive seed that grows into a dialogue down the lane. We only reinforce the harmful and vicious cycle if we react with anger.

After all, we are the ones who can show a higher life state than the person who rejects us or patronises us.

So, we don’t need to say anything else but “I respect your view, and I am sorry if I offended you in any way”.

Letter to Hitler

We all know what Adolf Hitler did. It is unforgivable. His actions and those of the other Nazis were beyond comprehension. We should never allow that kind of evil to grow in any society.

How do we prevent new Hitlers from being raised? Yes, you guessed: we should show utmost respect to all. We don’t need to accept evil, nor do we need to be passive enablers of tyranny, but we need to take action based on respect for all life.

Andrei Tapalaga gives a fascinating view of how Mahatma Gandhi tried to build peace by showing utmost respect. Read Andrei’s excellent article about the letters Gandhi sent to Hitler.

Buddhism is action

Buddhism is action. If we think that the most valuable thing in the universe is life, we need to act to support life in all its manifestations. Only passive people who don’t take any responsibility are the ones who pave the way for Hitlers.

So, Buddhism enables and urges us to be an active force of respect. When doing so, we must not close our eyes to seeing the evil deeds but prevent them from happening by first changing our attitudes and actions.

Next time I have an unpleasant response, I try to think of it as an opportunity to grow my understanding of life and plant a seed of trust by respect.