Life Advice: Stop Feeding Anyone Else

In the African forests, there exists a type of birch tree whose sap is both delicious and nutritious.

Feeding on this sap, a unique species of bird emerged: the sap-sucking woodpecker.

Unlike other woodpeckers, these birds rely solely on the birch tree's sap for sustenance, never helping the tree by ridding it of pests.

They constantly peel away the bark, digging deeper for more sap.

Eventually, the birch tree's sap is entirely consumed by the woodpeckers, leaving the tree itself to wither and die.

In our real lives, how many of us live like that birch tree?

You spend enormous amounts of time and energy saving others, only to find that they not only fail to appreciate it but also drain your energy and betray your kindness.

In the end, you fall into a cycle of fatigue and burnout, while others criticize you for meddling.

The smartest way to live your life is to avoid feeding anyone else at your own expense.

### 1. Don’t Deplete Your Energy Nourishing Others

A study from Frankfurt University reveals that:

Everyone comes into this world with a certain amount of energy reserves.

Interacting with others essentially involves the transfer and exchange of this energy.

If you're constantly depleting your own energy to nourish someone else in a relationship, it's best to cut ties sooner rather than later.

Writer Li Gang shared a personal story.

A relative from his hometown was suspected of having cancer and went to Beijing for further tests.

Since Li Gang was living in Beijing at the time, he kindly invited the relative to stay with him to save on expenses.

Unexpectedly, in just a few days of waiting for the test results, Li Gang felt mentally exhausted.

This relative was constantly complaining and lamenting about her life—her unsatisfactory job, her incompetent husband, their poverty, and now her illness.

Initially, Li Gang patiently tried to console her, but over time, he found himself overwhelmed by negativity, becoming irritable and hostile towards everything around him.

He realized that all these changes began after his relative arrived.

Once the test results came back showing no major issues, Li Gang immediately sent his relative back home, and his own state gradually improved.

Sociology mentions a "pickle effect."

It suggests that different vegetables marinated in the same jar eventually take on the same flavor.

Interactions between people work similarly.

Extending a helping hand to those filled with negativity is like inviting trouble for yourself;

Using your energy to nourish others is akin to self-inflicted suffering.

They attach themselves to you like leeches, slowly draining your energy, making you as despondent as they are.

By removing yourself from such situations, you can protect your energy and remain unaffected by others.

### 2. Don’t Waste Your Time Trying to Change Others

Carl Jung once said, "You should not try to change others."

Cats have their ways, and mice have theirs.

In this world, everyone has their own way of living and their own standards.

Trying to impose what you think is right on others may not be well-received; endlessly advising others on how to live might even provoke resentment.

Everyone has their own life trajectory; attempting to change others will only bring you pain.

TV host Li Jing had a friend who, after quitting her job, spent half a year lounging at home.

Li Jing was worried and frequently visited her friend, analyzing job markets and urging her to find work soon, instead of lazing around like a couch potato.

Her friend, fed up with the nagging, bluntly told her:

"You can strive and hustle; that's your life. But my life is to relax and take it easy."

Li Jing was disheartened. She never expected her well-intentioned advice to be met with such disregard.

Often, your intention to change others might be good.

But such well-meaning advice can feel more like an intrusion to others.

As Bechtel said:

"When we try to change others or dictate how they should act, we are often setting ourselves up for disappointment."

Before becoming a famous writer, Camilla worked at a newspaper in New York with her best friend.

One day, she discovered her friend was plagiarizing articles to meet work deadlines.

Sensing trouble, Camilla tried to change her friend's behavior by presenting cases of writers who had ruined their careers due to plagiarism.

Unexpectedly, her friend felt threatened by Camilla's intervention, leading to a major fallout that ended their long-standing friendship.

This incident made Camilla realize that attempting to change others is often a thankless task, and it's best not to bother.

There's a saying that goes, "The hardest thing is to put your ideas into someone else's mind."

We should learn to restrain our desire to reshape others and avoid overstepping into their lives.

Remember, don’t sacrifice your time trying to change someone else’s beliefs;

Don’t waste your energy rewriting someone else’s script.

In the adult world, we should select rather than educate; choose rather than change.

Once someone who once walked the same path as you chooses a different direction, you need to learn to turn away.

Otherwise, you'll lose your own way while trying to keep up with others, exhausting yourself in the process.

### 3. Don’t Overuse Your Kindness to Save Others

Have you ever experienced this:

Seeing someone struggling, you offer unconditional help;

Even when you're not doing well yourself, you can't ignore others' suffering;

You can never refuse others, always putting their needs first...

If this describes you, it means you've fallen into the "rescuer mindset."

You imagine yourself as a savior, thinking that by giving more and doing more, you can save others from their troubles.

But being fixated on saving others is a mistake because, in the end, you can't save them, and you might sacrifice yourself.

Writer Mark Twain once helped a man named Hart.

When Hart had no money, Twain supported him financially;

When Hart had nowhere to go, Twain let him move in;

Later, Hart claimed he had no place to write, so Twain shared his study with him.

Even when Hart's demands were excessive, Twain tried to accommodate him.

Twain believed he could change Hart’s life, but Hart became increasingly demanding and ungrateful.

He wanted everything from Twain and often criticized him behind his back.

Eventually, Twain couldn't tolerate it anymore and cut ties with Hart.

Someone once said: When you help someone less fortunate, you often end up facing their attacks and malice.

Because snakes can't be warmed, and wolves can't be tamed.

Indulging ungrateful people only leaves you vulnerable.

Moreover, everyone has their own fate and karma.

Letting go of the need to save others is a way to protect yourself and also a form of redemption for them.

Alfred Adler once said, "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink."

When a horse is thirsty, it will lower its head to drink; when a person wants to grow, they will awaken and seek change.

So, stop depleting your energy and resources to nourish others.

What you need to do is to focus on your own growth.

When you channel all your limited energy into nurturing yourself, you can grow upwards and become the person you want to be.

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