Let’s Go Buy Some Happy

LET’S GO BUY SOME HAPPY……

Since I was little, I can remember shopping with my mum. “Let’s go buy some happy!” We would go get money from my dad at his work, and off we went. It was sometimes tedious shopping with her though, as she loves to look at everything! But she always made it fun for my sister and I, and we would leave, well, “happy”.

It’s only now I realize that maybe this wasn’t the case at all; that we weren’t really “buying some happy”. Now, I realize that, it was all a mask.

A whirlwind of emotions happens when I shop.

It starts off so good...the sights, sounds, and the guilty satisfaction of knowing how happy ill be with all of my purchases, and the pleasure of just buying things. Maybe it’s hard to explain, or understand for some, but for me it made sense. Its what i’ve always known.

But now, let’s speak of the guilt. Thats the next to last emotion of the shopping extravaganzas, along side the rush of panic….and then finally the relief of the returns and getting the money back. It’s like free, new found money again, even though I had initially spent it. Shopping is my ultimate battle. The guilt of spending money I KNOW I shouldnt spend, but it makes me happy, so why is it so wrong?

IF YOU DON’T HAVE MONEY TO SPEND, DON’T SPEND THE MONEY

This is the golden rule for me, yet I never can seem to follow my own advice, or anyone else’s for that matter. Shopping has gotten me into trouble. Bills aren’t paid, rent isn’t paid, and there’s no food on the table. Any person in their right mind would see this problem and fix it. Yet, I always seem to exacerbate my situation. Whenever there’s money in my pocket I spend it. Doesn’t matter on WHAT, its the joy of spending and returning that I long for… Instant gratification. Im insatiable. How can it stop? Where do I begin?

For me shopping fills a void, a loneliness, and boredom. Either im out there shopping, or sitting on my couch shopping online, and even window shopping. I love second hand shopping especially. “One person’s trash is another’s treasure” This couldn’t be more true in my case. Facebook marketplace is one dangerous second-hand playground. You can find almost anything there, even if you don’t need it. Which is usually the case for me. BUT, it’s enjoyable, and almost instant when you decide to message that person for their goods. Instant gratification, impulsivity, happiness, guilt. The cycle is constantly turning. Especially because the marketplace works both ways. You can buy, sell, trade, and even give and get for free!

Not only does the feeling of “i’ll take it please” come, but also the “SOLD” marking on your own listing. Buying and selling is a hobby, a game of chance. Of risk.

Don’t get me wrong, I DO know that this is a sickness, an addiction. I could help it, if I really wanted that…..but in a way, I love it. But isn’t that how much addictions go? I think it would be easier for me to quit smoking, and I LOVE my smoking. I don’t want to quit, even though I know I should. It’s dangerous for me. I fail myself everyday, every time I shop.

I love giving gifts to people, and for no other occasion than “I saw this and thought of you”. It makes me happy to see their reactions and to spread that joy. Maybe if people understood, maybe if they can see why, it wouldn’t be so bad. Would it?

LETS GO BUY SOME HAPPY