Lead With Kindness

“Why are some people so good in inspiring and leading others?”

That is the question people have been trying to answer for ages, but it was only in the 20th century when scholars began to study it systematically.

In leadership and communication studies, there were three waves of theories that tried to explain and predict why some people are good at leading others. The first wave, chronologically the earliest (beginning of the 20th century), was focusing on leadership traits. Sociologists, psychologists and communicators at the time were focusing on the question, “Who good leaders are, or what kind of personality traits they possess to inspire and motivate others to follow them?”

With the rise of behavioral psychology, especially after WW2, the second wave of theories started looking into what kind of behavior leaders demonstrate that their followers value, emulate, and find inspirational and motivational. The main question of inquiry in this wave of theories was, “What do the leaders do, how they act to inspire and motivate others?”

The third wave, brought in by humanistic approaches and the shift to thinking of people as a key resource in organizations in the 1970-80s, was focusing on how leaders build relationships with their close supporters and followers. These theories gave us insights into the effects of delegating vs. powering through and empowerment vs. control. The main question of these theories was, “How do leaders build successful relationships with people who can make or break them?”

When scholars of leadership and organizational communication started to think about how to put these theories together, they came up with a concept of first transformational and later – authentic leadership. Here, the idea is that true inspirational leaders actually work on all three fronts: traits (they are good humans), behaviors (they actually act as leaders who take initiative and responsibility) and relationships (they treat all humans as humans and build genuine relationships and connection not only with those who support them but with everyone who they would like to inspire and influence).

I believe that Ted Lasso is a perfect embodiment of an authentic leader who is empathetic and inspiring, despite his mild manners and self-deprecating humor. Obviously, he is a fictional character. But millions of people all over the world fell in love with him, were devastated when Season 3 ended as a series finale and were excited about the recently announced news of Season 4. So, here I will try to illustrate how Ted Lasso is a good example of authentic leadership.

From the traits theories perspective, Ted exemplifies and embodies the following personality traits, both through words and actions:

1. Be sincere and genuine. You’d never catch Ted Lasso lying or faking anything, pretending to be who he is not.

2. Be curious, not judgmental. Instead of judging others for their mistakes and lapses, Ted Lasso is curious about why they made those mistakes and lapses in the first place. This is empathetic curiosity in practice.

3. Be vulnerable. Vulnerability is a strength, not a weakness. The perfect example of this is when Ted comes out publicly about his panic attacks. By making himself vulnerable, he also wins hearts of millions of people. This show contributed in meaningful ways to public understanding and awareness of mental health, including through the interactions of Ted and his team members with the team therapist.

4. Be confident but grounded. Ted has confidence in himself that is deeply rooted in his talents and abilities, but he is not cocky about it. Staying humble and self-reflection is an important part of being a good human.

5. Be optimistic. “Happiness is a choice” is one of my favorite Ted Lasso’s quotes that requires no explanation.

6. Be courageous. “Courage is the willingness to attempt” is another quote any leader would benefit from using as a guidance.

7. Stay teachable. Learning is an exercise for life and learning from own mistakes is a crucial quality of any good leader.

8. Be a Goldfish: “Don't allow one bad deed define who you are. In less than ten seconds, forget about it like a goldfish.” While I think this quote requires a lot of qualifiers, it is a good rule in the context of the judgmental culture and as a copying mechanism in some situations.

I’m sure I could continue this list, but I like number 8 – associated with infinity, so I’ll wrap it up here for the trait theories.

In terms of the behavioral theories, Ted Lasso’s acts and deeds can be also summarized in eight main principles:

1. Lead with empathy and kindness. True empathy cannot be faked, it’s seen in Ted’s eyes and actions.

2. Don’t make assumptions about others, observe and ask questions. The entire darts scene at the bar is a great example of this principle.

3. Experiment and take risks; optimists take chances. I love how this principle was applied through hiring the new star player, Zava. His abrupt departure gave the team a chance to rise on its own.

4. Always strive to do the right thing. “Doing the right thing is never the wrong thing” is another potent quote from the show.

5. Never take things personally. This is the “be a Goldfish” rule in action.

6. Never take yourself seriously. When you laugh at yourself, you take away the others’ power to mock, ridicule and belittle you. Just recently, reels sent me a reminder in a clip where Ted Lasso had a press conference and got everyone in the room to play his “Ted is so dumb…” joke. It was a great example of his self-deprecating humor with the power of human connection.

7. Embrace change. Not only Ted was not afraid of change for his team, he anticipated it and seemed to be always prepared. One exception was his divorce, but that is a whole different story arch that is about him as person rather than a leader.

8. Use humor to cut through the tension and sadness. That’s the trademark Ted, and there’s lots of examples of that, especially in the banter with his assistant coach, “Coach Beard,” whose real name was Willis but we won’t really know it until the very end.

When it comes to building relationships, Ted Lasso also had some rules and principles that made him a great leader. Here are some that I noticed, even though I’m sure the list is not full:

1. Family comes first. Prioritize your relationships to give the ones you love the support and care they need. Ted’s relationship with his son is the best example of this.

2. When people lie or make a mistake, make sure they know you know. Let them face their wrongness. Give them a second chance if they ask for it. You should follow Nate the Great arch to see how this unfolds and makes a full circle. Ted’s relationship with his boss Rebecca is another great example of this principle.

3. See good in others, be good to others. That might be the motto of Ted’s life.

4. Earn trust through courageous leadership. A great example of this is when Ted publicly comes clean about his panic attacks. Not only he showed personal courage, he also re-earned the trust of his boss and the team and attracted due attention to mental health.

5. Empower others, let them grow confidence in themselves. The two important characters who are the best illustration of this principle are Nate, who started out as a kit man and grew to the assistant coach status under Ted’s mentorship before he went to the dark side, and Roy Kent who was almost completely broken after he couldn’t play soccer himself anymore.

I hope you can see how these three clusters of theories highlight certain aspects of leadership that cannot be seen from a different angle. Only the concept of authentic leadership that looks at the leader from the holistic perspective of all three gives the leadership its depth and full understanding. And Ted Lasso is a great example of such authentic leadership.

Lastly, I would also like to point out additional principles, rules specific to the game of soccer that are important for both Ted as a character and the game as the operating environment, work context for many characters:

1. As a leader, you don’t need to know the rules of the game. Have someone who has the encyclopedic knowledge of it you can rely on. This may sound counter-intuitive, but Ted was completely ignorant about the game and its rules at the beginning and relied on Coach Beard heavily. It is only in the very last episode that we see that Ted knew the rules better than some other people by pointing out an off-site that changed the outcome of the game.

2. Winning and losing is not everything. Even after you lose, there will be another game to win.

3. Nobody is bigger than the team. The team comes first, no matter how super talented you are or what your star status as a player is. Jamie’s character is designed to illustrate that principle.

4. The team is the family. And family comes first. And here we made a full circle by coming back to Relationship Rule #1.

5. Believe. In yourself, in your team, in your loved ones.

I hope you enjoyed reading this lengthy analysis as much as I did writing it.