Just Like The Lotus

I always wanted a tattoo! So when I turned twenty-one, I decided to get one! Well, I wish someone would have warned me not to get one after having way too many drinks! It was my 21st birthday and my golden birthday at that! Me and ten friends went to celebrate and then after dinner I decided I was finally going to get my first tattoo! I walked in the tattoo shop and decided on the first picture I saw...a dolphin. Yes, a small blue dolphin! I never had an obsession for dolphins, much less swam with a dolphin, but for some crazy reason I was fixed on having one tattooed on my lower back! From the very next day until now, I have regretted that decision!

The years that followed that night were came with another price to pay! I would go on to marry someone who was Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. He showcased all the qualities one would look for in a husband, and then on the wedding night, he did a 360’! From the wedding night until now, he would demonstrate his narcissistic behaviors. If you would look up the definition of a narcissist, you would find his photo! He displays every characteristic of one...lucky me! It wasn’t until April 2018, that I would discover that he fit in this category. Sitting in a continuing education class, a psychologist of forty years, was discussing different mental disorders. When he started talking about Narcissism, I immediately tuned in!! Everything I was hearing was exactly what I was dealing with! I couldn’t believe it took me so many years to figure out that my now ex-husband had a mental disorder. I was intrigued to learn more and ask questions that would help my situation.. for me and my children’s sake! I asked if this type of person could get help, like through therapy. To my surprise, the answer was “no”! Turns out, the part of the brain that controls empathy and compassion are atrophied in their early 20’s. Researchers have tried to figure out how to make another part of the brain control empathy and compassion, but they have not been successful So “NO”, they cannot be healed. Learning this was shocking, but it did teach me the do’s and don’ts of dealing with him. Since that day, I have helped others by raising awareness and helping others notice the red flags that accompany a narcissist.

In April 2019, one year later, I met my soul mate! We connected on every level and could finish each other’s sentences right away! Turns out that our grandparents were good friends and even questioned if we were related! We shared so many stories and coincidences that we just couldn’t believe...always ending with a “are you serious?”, “for real?”, or “I can’t believe that!” In learning about one another, I discovered that one of his talents is drawing. He drew me a picture of a lion, because I’m a Leo, for my Mother’s Day gift. He worked on it for several days and added “Without Struggle, There is no Strength”. Besides drawing, he is also a tattoo artist. So I made the decision to get a tattoo that meant something to me! A better choice than a dolphin! So on my 43rd birthday, August 21, 2019, I got him to design a Lotus tattoo for my back. The stem of the Lotus is the phrase “and still I rise”! I chose that phrase because just like the Lotus flower, I still rise! The Lotus flower blooms from the deepest and thickest mud and It represents rebirth and spiritual enlightenment. The lotus has a life cycle unlike any other plant. The roots are latched in mud and it submerges every night into the water. Then it re-blooms the next morning! It’s daily resurrection is symbolic of revival. Just like the Lotus, I won’t accept defeat, but live life with an unwavering faith, and will to survive!!!