Is The Antidote For Toxic Masculinity Venomous Femininity?

In 13th century Japan, a Buddhist scholar Nichiren Daishonin (1222-1282), wrote a lot about the nature of the era we live in. He based his analysis on thousands of years old Buddhist teachings that the latter day will begin about 2000 years after the death of the first historical Buddha, Shakyamuni.

It was predicted to last 10,000 years and more. Characteristics of this age are conflicts, wars, famine, epidemics and natural disasters, to name a few.

Looking at the world now, we can see that Nichiren didn’t exaggerate.

The disasters listed earlier are all symptoms of deep-rooted causes.

Greed, anger and ignorance are the three poisons that cause people to act destructively and against all common sense.

Toxic masculinity is a perfect example of those poisons in action, but so is venomous feminism.

Myopic distortion field

When we look at individual behaviours, it is easy to point out biases, blind spots, false assumptions based on outdated views, and sometimes plain lies.

It is easy to label things: you are a bigot, racist, nazi, jew, woke, faggot, extremist, etc. You get the picture.

Everything that we don’t accept and comprehend is easy to push away with these labels. It is easier to marginalise than widen the margin.

In one way or another, every one of us is in some sort of niche and on somebody’s blacklist.

Then, we permit ourselves to be offended. It is so rewarding to feel hurt and upset. Because somebody (often referred to vaguely as ‘they’) said something that grates on the ear.

This tendency to externalise and look only at the symptoms is a myopic distortion field.

Understadning deeper drivers

Buddhist teachings exist to help us understand the diversity and beauty of life in its entirety. Respecting and protecting life is at the core of Buddhist life philosophy.

There is always a cause. Nothing becomes out of the blue.

It does not mean we must accept violence, racism or any other view that goes against the fundamental respect for life.

On the contrary, we must stand up for justice and take action to help those who are hurt and get those who abuse to be held accountable.

At the same time, it is essential to be tolerant. We don’t know what is going on in the minds of people who use horrible language and behave abusively.

Let’s not be naive but also accept that we cannot know every driver that, for example, right-wing extremists experience.

Humans are complex, complicated and irrational on the surface but quite simple inside.

Most of us yearn for peace and security and to be loved and accepted.

Accepting inner simplicity helps us to find common ground. We start to see the surface differences as beauty and not a threat.

A straight man can hold a hand of a gay, and nobody dies. A young woman can walk on the street wearing a short skirt, be admired for her beauty, and not be made a sex object.

All minorities together form a majority of us.

Changing poison into medicine

If greed, anger and ignorance are the root causes of all misfortune and suffering we face, there must also be medicines to cure them.

Again, Buddhist philosophy lists three cures that are easy to get but difficult to swallow. The spoonful of sugar that helps them go down is trust, i.e. the belief that in the end, good will prevail and keep the bad at bay.

Compassion is the Stethoscope

The first medicine is compassion. It is more than empathy. It is an active attempt to understand others and take action when the occasion presents itself.

Compassion constitutes small gestures: keeping the door open for somebody who has difficulty getting in or looking in the eye instead of ignoring.

Compassion is the lifeblood of humanity. Without it, we would kill each other without any second thoughts. We can learn it, and we should practise it every day.

It will block selfish greed and turn it into a hunger for justice and the well-being of all.

Wisdom is the Prescription

The second antidote is wisdom. Buddhism is not blind faith but a deep belief that we all have an infinite capacity for good — and evil. We need to use wisdom to reveal the positive potential for good and fight evil tendencies.

Compassion precedes wisdom. Only by understanding each other can we find wise ways to help them and ourselves. This understanding comes from curiosity and tolerance.

Wise ways are always those paths that also other people can travel with us. Wisdom is to create opportunities for all to shine in their unique ways. It gives us a map when we enter an unknown terrain.

Becoming wise is nothing extraordinary. It results from listening, observing and asking questions with an open mind to hear the answers we didn’t expect. That’s how we learn to be wise.

Wisdom takes the edge off the anger. It is impossible to hate things we understand. And we can change only things we comprehend. Wisdom is our surgical knife to operate on our inner beings to heal instead of wounding ourselves and others.

Courage is to Give The Medicine

The third antidote is courage. It is not a lack of fear but taking action despite the fear.

Sometimes the smallest action takes the most incredible courage. For example, to say sincerely to somebody that you like that person. It’s like jumping from ten meters and hoping the pool has water.

We are often so afraid of possible rejection or adverse reactions that we skip random acts of kindness out of that fear. It takes some guts to be kind, gentle and caring.

Courage is the most potent antidote against ignorance. We need to be courageous to learn new things because they can shake our world, and the new can make us see things that are not always pleasant and nice.

Malala Yousafzai survived Taleban’s violent attack. Her courage to learn was way greater than her fear for her life. “I don’t want revenge on the Taliban; I want education for sons and daughters of the Taliban.”

“With guns, you can kill terrorists; with education, you can kill terrorism.” ― Malala Yousafzai.

Is the antidote for toxic masculinity venomous femininity?

The answer is no, as you might have already thought.

The extremes won’t heal, only hurt. A Buddhist concept of the Middle Way will unite men and women — all of us regardless of gender, sexuality, race or ability — because it gives them a common goal.

That goal is to bring prosperity, peace and happiness to all, not just the privileged few. It is a small step for each of us but a giant leap for humankind.

It is up to you and me to take that step and get good doses of compassion, wisdom and courage into our lives. That’s Buddhism in action.