Intentionally Random

I still marvel at the wisdom of my mother who trained my siblings and me in the simple life lessons of love, respect, serving others, and fairness. She craftily doled out one of those lessons as my brothers and I stood in the kitchen waiting for a special treat. She removed a freshly baked pan of brownies from the oven and with excitement, we each prepared to perform the task that had been assigned to us. My oldest brother, who was 10 at the time, was assigned the task of “cutter.” My job was to get the serving dishes, my younger brother was tasked with counting out four napkins, and my baby brother had what seemed to be an impossible task for him – sit down and be still. When the brownies were cool enough to handle, my mother put one big piece of brownie on a plate and left us to perform our assigned duties. As the cutter, it was my brother’s task to cut the brownie into four pieces and serve each of us. He sliced three small pieces and put the biggest piece on his plate. Hearing the uproar of injustice that ensued, my mother returned to the kitchen with a life lesson that stuck with me. Placing a new chunk of the still warm brownie on another plate she gave specific instructions to my brother as he prepared, once again, to cut and serve.

“Be fair. Cut it again, and this time, serve everyone else first. You take what is left”. I smiled at her wisdom and from that day a servant’s heart of fairness and humility was sealed within me. My mother’s sage wisdom taught me to share, be fair, serve others before serving yourself and swiftly resolve conflict with wisdom. I also learned what NOT to do from my oldest sibling.

My mother’s many life lessons always find me. They found me one day as I sat in line at Wendy’s drive thru. A car entering the side entrance sat in position to breach the long line of cars waiting to place their orders. As a recently widowed 25-year old single mom with a four-year old son in tow, my heart was especially worn. In a world full of impatient people, and people who are so ready to fight, I didn’t want to be one of them. I extended grace and allowed the driver to ease his car in front of me while taking a quick glance in my rearview mirror to see if the other drivers behind me were ticked at my kind gesture. When I arrived at the window ready to pay for my meal, the cashier told me that my order had already been paid for. “What?” “The man in the car in front of you paid for your meal”. Wow! A feeling of peace swept over me as I pulled away from the window and my ears tuned honed in on the song that was playing on my radio -- Denice Williams -- “His eye is on the sparrow.” Suddenly, I didn’t feel like a lost little widow with a child to feed. I felt like a carefree bird who would be taken care of. My one act of kindness precipitated another.

I never take for granted the seemingly ordinary moments that cause smiles and good feelings to come to me. In a world full of sadness and chaos, those moments can make an indelible mark on an unsuspecting soul that needs a bit of encouragement and hope. I have always wanted to be that ray of hope.

Years later I was sitting in line at a Taco Bell drive thru. Don’t judge me. They had just upgraded their ordering system so that your order’s total was illuminated as you neared the pickup window. When I arrived at the window to pay, the total of the order of the car behind me flashed up on the screen. It was in that moment that I remembered the kindness that was etched in my memory from quite a few years back so I did what came naturally to me -- I paid for the order of the car behind me. As I drove away, my heart was filled with glee. Talk about self-gratification! Giving for the sole purpose of being a blessing gave me such a rush!! I had found a sweet spot in giving without the benefit of a thank you. Mind you, this happened years before the movie Pay it Forward came out. I didn’t do it as part of any social experiment; I did it solely for selfish reasons – I remembered how I felt when it happened to me and I wanted to return the favor. It wasn’t a random act of kindness – it was an intentional act of kindness that has become an obsession.

There are many life lessons associated with giving without expecting anything in return. I was able to teach these lessons to my children. In particular, I was able to teach my daughter that giving was the antithesis for bullying. When she told me about the girl in her class who constantly kicked her chair, that was the perfect opportunity for me to share with her the power of giving. She was quite perplexed when we took a trip to the store to buy a gift for that menacing little offender. I insisted that she pick out the gift, wrap it and present it to her annoying assailant. She didn’t want to do it, but I insisted. The next day the magic of giving became my daughter’s reality.

“What is this for?”

“I just wanted you to have it.”

Did the chair kicking stop? Of course it did! Intentional acts of kindness breed peace in times of conflict.

What goes around, comes around. Call it karma, the law of reciprocity, or whatever you want to call it, it works!! Case in point: I’m at the gas station for gas. It’s close to payday, but I am literally driving around on fumes. I have just enough money for a couple of gallons of gas that I was hoping would get me to work and back. I go inside to pay for three dollars worth of gas – in 1998, the price of a gallon of gas was around $1.06 – so I was stretching it. As I pumped my gas, the cashier stuck her head out the door and told me to fill up my tank. “Huh?” “Yeah – it’s paid for – fill it up”. I could feel my heart swell inside of my chest – again. Still feeling a bit bewildered, I saw a man exit the door, wave at me, got in his car and drove off. I waved back and smiled. Tag, I’m it! That’s right, I turned giving into a game. How can I be a hit and run giver? How can I give and get away with it?

One of my most memorable buzz kills is being out to dinner with friends and announcing to the server to put everything on one tab – mine. I hit a wall of rebuke and resistance. “Oh, you don’t have to do that!” I would reluctantly retract the offer just to avoid a fight over my attempt to be generous. I remember feeling like I had just stepped away from an ice cream parlor with two scoops of my favorite ice cream and my scoops plopped on the ground. Bummer! So how could I bring my generous spirit into the mix without getting shot down? I figured it out. I mindfully observe the other restaurant patrons who are being serviced by my server. When I’m ready for my tab, I select an unsuspecting table of recipients who have just been served or seated and I let my server know that I will be paying for their meal. Mum’s the word!! Simple, right? I have mastered the art of the “getaway” by timing my offer as I am finishing up my meal so that I would be long gone from the scene with only the image in my mind of how pleased the family would be to know that they got a free meal at the behest of some random stranger who they would not be able to thank. It gives me a rush just thinking about it.

Could it be that one of the many acts of kindness that I have performed over the years has inspired someone else to do the same? Could I have influenced the heart of a person like a man who cut the line at the Wendy’s influenced me? Even years later? Is it possible for one act of intentional kindness to lead to someone else paying it forward?

“Accidently” dropping a five-dollar bill where someone can “find” it could be considered littering by some – I call it my guilty pleasure. Leaving money in the pocket of an item of clothing that I drop off at the goodwill store is equally edifying. When I win that multi-million dollar lottery, I am going to be as anonymous as possible when I claim it. I am going to be even more anonymous as I chart out my weekly schedule to quietly plant seeds of hope all over the place. My garden of life is going to be full of plenty. I won’t use my real name when the intentional acts of blessings are bestowed upon everyday people. I will be using my alias – “Anonymous”. You’re welcome.