"in poetry we say..."

About two years ago, I clicked the "submit" button, bringing into existence what I can only describe as this poet's act of desperation, a collection of poems I wrote during the worst of the pandemic - one of the darker times in my life. I didn't expect much from it, but back then, I didn't have faith in my abilities.

I then poured myself into writing on Vocal, slowly building my confidence. Along the way, there were a few times a story or poem sparked an idea for a new project. A couple of times, I would even get started with additional pieces on Vocal while I fleshed out details on my notes app and Google Drive.

Something always seemed to stop and freeze the once barreling train on its track - not enough time, lack of interest, writer's block - the excuses came easier than the words to continue the project. The truth I've recently admitted to myself is this:

I still doubted myself.

Plain and simple as that.

But I don't want to let another year pass where it holds me back anymore.

So [deep breath] I'm working on a new project. It is bare bones, but I have to start somewhere. Remember that: every great story has to start somewhere.

Three months ago, I wrote Pareidolia, a submission for the Vocal Sky-ku Challenge, finding the title in the sea of a word-of-the-day (actually, it gives me three words a day) portion of one of my favorite apps. In the comments, I wrote about a passing notion - creating a series based on those words.

Author's Note: I want to take this time to thank Paul Stewart. We had a nice little comment conversation that is part of the foundation of this project.

But my heart wasn't in it; I felt I was forcing out subpar poems that lacked my voice. So I stopped writing them, and the initial spark fizzled out, but, thankfully, not for long.

Because as bad as doom scrolling on TikTok is, sometimes you find certain gems you want to keep with you forever.

This, this is what I wanted from these poems, turning what seems like just a word to pure emotion that can be read off the page, defining a word based on my life and feelings. I wanted to have someone read a word such as 'trinket' and think beyond the definition you would find in Webster's Dictionary.

If that's what I wanted from this collection, I realized I couldn't just blindly pick words from a list, trying to force a poem out of it. I needed to choose words that made me think beyond definition, but on what I felt when I said it or even a lesson I learned from the chosen word.

So was born what will eventually become my next poetry collection: from a word or two. Or Words. Maybe A Poet's Dictionary. I keep ping-ponging between names, and I probably won't have anything official for some time, though I kind of like the last one. It gives me this vivid image of a cover that looks like an older dictionary with the gold inlays and intricate design work.

The Plan

Let me first acknowledge, not only for all of you, but mainly for myself, this project will not be released at any point in 2025. As much as I would like to spend every waking hour on this, it's not reasonable for me to do especially with my recent change in employment. Plus I want to make sure I do this right, including doing a few things I didn't do the first time (like a beta reading).

Before all of that, there are some things that have to happen first.

Step One: Writing the poems, because of course, you can't have a poetry collection without poems

Right now, every time I have even an inkling of a thought, I put it in my notes app, even if there's a chance I don't use it later. I also have an ongoing list to keep track of the words and what poems I've written. (Goodness, my notes app is going to be filled once this is done.)

All poems will be written and kept on a folder on my Google Drive since I can access it from anywhere as long as I log in with my email. Right now, the plan is no less than 100 poems, but I haven't figured out a max, although my research shows most collections are 30-100 pieces. If I write more than 100, I could always do a second volume.

Step Two: Editing the poems

As I finish the poems, I'll go through check to see if I need to change any of the language, fix any grammar mistakes, so on and so forth. It is during this time, I plan on publishing some pieces to get a second opinions and to build up suspense for the complete collection.

Step Three: Formatting and design

I don't have a definite plan right now, but this will be the point where I formally decide on a title so I can format and design accordingly.

With my last collection, I used Canva and the KDP (Kindle Direct Publishing) formatting tool before going through the process of submitting everything on the KDP website. The design work was fun, but the formatting was a pain in the butt, so I'll definitely take any tips in that department as well.

Step Four: Beta readers

For those unfamiliar with this term, a beta reader reads the unreleased collection and gives feedback to the writer. This helps gives said writer a different view of their work, possibly revealing any issues such as vague language or even a spelling error. We all know we can miss errors, no matter the seemingly endless amount of times we go over a piece.

When I'm near the end of formatting and design, I will write an update, inviting a few people to read the collection.

Step Five: Advertising

This will start with at step two with publishing a few poems on Vocal, followed by occasional updates. Again I don't have a set plan, but I do want to use a combination of Vocal and social media to get the word out. Once I've reached reached the end of the beta read step, I will be doing more advertising, including the release of the pre-order date and release day.

Step Six: Final edits and countdown to release day

After receiving any input from the beta readers and made the needed adjustments, I'll submit the final product before the pre-order date, since I don't know if things will be messed up if I submit it afterward.

Step Seven: Release day!

It all comes to this - the final destination or just maybe, the beginning of a new journey. I hope this is a day I'll look back to today, when the moment seemed years away, and am able to tell her that she did it.

I don't know if anyone else feels like this, but seeing the plan in front of me, even in this skeletal form, it's less overwhelming and has made me even more excited to continue.

At the beginning, I said my first published poetry collection was "an act of desperation," something to get my negative feelings out and to keep me distracted during the worst of the COVID pandemic.

This time, it's different. This is for the little girl who dreamed of being writer, who wanted to share a part of herself with people and write to her heart's content. So maybe, I should consider this my act of joy because that little girl is in the forefront, excited her dream is coming true.