If only life came with instructions

Instead of making lists on what I’m going to do – the usual suspects that yearly made the list were to lose a few pounds (not the ones from my purse), socialize more (despite the fact I was beginning to prefer animals to people I have the awareness that not all people suck the life out you and it’s about setting boundaries) I decided to think about what I didn’t want in my life.

I don’t want to hide the fact I think differently, my dark humor has a lot to answer for regarding this, I tend to make up very quick dark limericks that when said out loud do provoke either laughter or disgust (sometimes a mix of both which makes it even funnier). So, whilst thinking of that point it got me thinking about my social interactions – do I work with people who I can be myself in front of? Or do I have to conform to the expectations expected of me which include doing my job quickly and out of sight when the main bosses are in so as they don’t see me whilst working quickly so as to not be there when the rest of the workers come in (heads up I'm a morning cleaner in an agricultural business building).

That led to me thinking about why am I doing a job that requires me to be out of bed so early to do something that takes time away from me doing things of my choosing? I get that I may sound a bit sour faced here so I’ll explain a few things before going forward – I do actually like my job and the people I work with are lovely and would count towards being some of the nicest people I’ve ever worked with, I also practice gratitude daily and I’m thankful I have a job especially given today's circumstances and it also can’t be helped regarding the early hours as that’s just part of the role requirements now) .

I decided to write a list of what's important to me in a job and consider all factors from everything to flexibility, travelling – either very close to home or far away so I could stay in hotels and travel ( I used to be an agency support worker and one of the perks was to travel around Scotland and accommodation was provided which enabled me to go sightseeing). Appearance was another thing – I want it to be smart and also non conformity – no badges saying who I belong to but also not to have the look that I’ve just came in from a weekend bender (been there done that and can’t find a t-shirt look is not what I want to do again either).

Working on my own or with like-minded people was another big thing, I like my own company and I hate small chit chat where you both know that you’d rather be silent but it would seem rude to not talk and it just becomes awkward for everyone involved and that is a feeling I just can’t be arsed with anymore. I like unexpected conversations and talking with people who you just vibe with, I also like chatting to the older generation as they just have such a way with words and the stories from back in the day are something I enjoy. Talking to small children is also fun (despite this a time limit is usually required before I say something I shouldn’t or they take a temper tantrum and I gladly hand them to their owner) P.s I’m also a mother but my son is in his early teens and is cool so we don’t have any temper tantrum issues. Yet.)

I also want it to be something that would promote better health, mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually, something that requires work to make good progress, something that involves creativity, books, learning – I hated school and joined the Army at 16 but as I’m older now I actually enjoy reading a book not just for pleasure but to learn something.

This led me thinking about what do I actually like doing for fun/leisure? I love History – especially anything on Anne Boleyn or the Tudors, meditation (and no I'm not ‘’woke’’ I just decided that alcohol will keep me up and I don’t remember my dreams when I drink but when I meditate I not only crash out quickly I also tend to remember my dreams which are usually quite insightful, I like to set and do small daily challenges such as squatting 10 times for each time I use the bathroom- I like setting myself small goals to keep my mental health to be something that’s not hanging by a thread, and doing activities such as these vocal challenges.

So I’ve decided that this year I’m going to focus on finding out more about myself, and imagining if I had a Wikipedia page about me what would it say? Also, I wouldn't mind finding a job that didn’t feel like a job - I’ve been advised to write a self-help book or an autobiography which could be fun if it didn’t end up routing me down to prison (in which case my limericks would come in handy and lead to me being a female version of Jonny Cash).

I’m going to keep finding ways to let my creative streak out, learn to cook different meals that my son and boyfriend will feel are safe enough to eat and aesthetically pleasing to the eye, to lose my reputation as a woman who can and will drink you under the table (and not with some feeble drink either but the good stuff, whisky preferably).

I'm going to read books other than ones based on Henry the 8th killing someone, to be kinder to myself and to other people (my minds telling me no but my mouth is telling me yes), to keep on setting myself daily challenges and remember that progress is the goal not perfection.

Over and out

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